my husband does things he knows I do not like and when I found out about it he told me that he knows that I don't like it when it does certain things but he does it anyway? How should I handle this?
2006-09-11 02:40:32 · 16 answers · asked by sweetlittlemama2006 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The thing that bothers me the most is that he is lieing saying he is somewhere and is not. It wouldnt bother me if he was just
Truthful.
2006-09-11 02:54:53 · update #1
He also does illegal things
2006-09-11 02:58:44 · update #2
Depends on what it is. If it's something like going golfing one afternoon when he shoule be at work, I'd let it go. We all need time to ourselves from time to time. But if it's something like going to a strip bar and then lying to you about it, that's another story. I believe that whenever someone feels the need to lie about something they've done, it's because they feel that it was wrong to do. Ask yourself, "is he thinking about your feelings"? You're in a marriage. Honesty is the most important ingredient to a healthy marriage. But remember... it's not okay to try and control someone either:)
2006-09-11 02:50:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a communication problem, in that you have stated what you don't want him to do, and him stating that he knows that you don't want him to do that. You understand each others' words perfectly.
What nobody knows, neither him nor us, is how important it is to you that he not do those things. That is what you need to explain. You need to tell him, "When you do x, I feel y." Tell him exactly how it makes you feel. If he understands this also, and continues to do it, you then have two choices:
1) Decide it's really not that big a deal and learn to cope with his behavior. All married couples encounter things about their spouses that they dislike. Ask yourself if this is worth fighting over, because, in a marriage, you must choose your battles carefully; you can't fight over every thing.
2) If it is a big deal to you, then you must change your tactic. At this point, he knows he has done something you don't like, you have told him exactly how it made you feel, and then he did it anyway. The only recourse here is to issue an ultimatum. The ultimatum need not be divorce, but it should be something important to him. This is the standard, "If you do x again, I will _____ ." And then, whatever consequence you declare, follow through on it.
2006-09-11 03:03:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling and confronting this issue is the only suggestion I have. He does not seem to understand that whatever he is doing behind your back bothers you and he's destroying your trust by continuing to do these things.
Communication is essential for your marriage to last and if he is not communicating with you, intervention would be needed. I would not jump to divorce just yet but would give counseling a try first. Maybe the counselor could get him to understand why it is critical that he not hide things from you in the marriage.
2006-09-11 02:44:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there...i know sometimes there's no point of sitting down and have a talk on this matter, coz it's only us who concern about this matter. To them it's no big deal. Sometimes when this thing happen i just dont bother to talk to him and I even ran away from home with my baby. Just don't want to face him for few days. There's nothing that we can do until he realises about being tolerant. We've been tolerating his behaviours for years but they take it for granted. What if we do something that they don't like? They'll get furious and blaming us for not being a good wife..they'll call us names like S*** or B****....not fair! The way I handle this..just take your few days off away from him..let him feel the pinch of your disapproval on his behaviour, even he will never realise!
2006-09-11 03:17:36 · answer #4 · answered by betty boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight. He does things that he knows you won't like because he doesn't want you to be mad, right? But when you find out, and you always do, you get man just like he thought, right? Here's the thing honey, SOME men are stupid. You may have to break in down to him in a way he'll understand. Just telling him it's a lack of respect won't get your point across as well as painting a picture for him will. ie......Say something like this.....Honey, I know you don't like it when I pee on your toothbrush. But as long as you don't find out it's ok right? Because the same rules apply. Right?
See what he says then. The bottom line is respect and trust. You should be able to trust him when he's out of sight. And he should respect you when he's away. Good luck hun.
2006-09-11 02:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by vitamin D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, i really think you guys need to sit down and have a long talk. Cos if u ignore this he might stll, i mean definitely still do these stuff behind your back. Let him tell u why he likes doing these things, and try to reach a comprommise, maybe u are not understanding enuff or maybe he aint, either way...... there are some solving to be done..... hope this helps
2006-09-11 02:45:10 · answer #6 · answered by wanna know evrything 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a serious talk with your husband how this is putting a strain on your marriage. Trust and compromise are very important to maintaining a happy marriage.
2006-09-11 02:44:18 · answer #7 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not going to change him. He's devious and will always do things behind your back. Either you tolerate it and stick around or you get tired of it and leave.
2006-09-11 02:47:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would threated to leave him if he doesnt stop or start doing things he doesnt like behind his back to show him what its like.
2006-09-11 02:43:21 · answer #9 · answered by Kaysee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your husband's point of view...Its easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.
2006-09-11 02:43:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋