My wife has had neumerous affairs during our years of marriage. I have tried to resolve this with her, but the reason it can never be resolved is; she just won't admit she ever done anything wrong! I have saw her with another man with my own eyes, and saw her vehicle at a motel when she was supposed to be working. If she would ever come clean and admit to it, then we could work toward a resolution. Why does she not understand that this will always be between us, and I can never trust her again knowing she lies about it. I've tried to make myself feel better and have an affair of my own, but I couldn't bring myself to do her that way. What she doesn't understand, is honesty in a relationship is everything. I love this woman, and she says she loves me, but I can't put this behind me, ever. Why is she that stubborn? This has drove me crazy, and I can't do anything but hurt. We don't have children at home. Any suggestions?
2006-09-11 02:30:27 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My friend......I hate to sound so vehement but you HAVE to get rid of this woman and get her the HE|| out of your life.
She wants her cake and eat it too. She's telling you what you want to hear as far as "i love you"...baloney. No one that loves you does that to you period! That is NOT love. I just got rid of someone that probably cheated on me....and in some senses she did, but beyond that her biggest problem was that her story kept changing (on all kinds of things) to where we'd get into arguments because she said this last week, but this week it's something different, and the fact that she was hostile and pi$$ed off at the world. Couldn't count on her to be on my side for anything, and she kept reeling me back in with the "i love you" bull$hi+. I found out a number of things she lied about. Things I thought were suspicious at the time but couldn't really prove....idiot that I am....I trusted her word.
Finally I had enough and now that a$$hole is gone. I'm happy...I'm dating someone who is actually intelligent and fun to be with. Kind, sweet and compassionate. THIS is the kind of girl YOU need to find. You seem like a very nice man, but you are NOT with a nice woman.....not in the least. My 'ex' never admitted anything either.....the way yours doesn't, must be some kind of common trait or something, but you need to call it quits. You need to take the hit, let her go off and screw whomever she wants. She doesn't need you to provide her a home base from which to work from....that's just bull$hi+. Dump her sorry a$$ and take some time for yourself, then start dating. There really are decent women out there. They are not many, but they are there. Just don't accept any that are similar to your wife......I'm sorry to say this but she's worthless as a human being. Once you heal from this and start meeting other women and find one that REALLY loves you.....you will see that when I say that your wife doesn't love you, you'll know I'm telling you the truth.
MY best of luck to you....you deserve SO much better for yourself and I bet you'd make someone else very happy and they'd appreciate you.
2006-09-11 04:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dude if you don't have any kids get out before she traps you with some . Look if you know you know that is just that and how much longer do you think you can go on unhappy and lied to before you just go nuts . Change it up man make her nerves go crazy do things you wouldn't do get a job around other girls get her off your mind don't drink or do drugs because you may go crazy and call her all drunk . See if she loves you she knows that the truth is the only way to keep you and she will tell you what you never wanted to know . when she is confronted with the reality of no longer having you and if not then **** it man look at her for what she is hell if she can't admit it It must be pretty bad . It sounds like you both have a case of it never happened going on . Start a big fight about it and rite before you do that go put a tape recorder in her car with a lil luck she could vent a home girl . and you could get the goodys you need to move on get creative you can fin a cell phone by gps free on line . think out side the box because she is buddy . hell tell her you hade an affair see if she gets made and tells you , fake like you got word from somebody .
2013-12-08 11:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by Blake Dismukes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you do really understand what the problem here is: She's in denial of what she's doing and thus does not really want to change.
You've said she has had numerous affairs. You cannot bring yourself to respond in kind, because marriage means more to you and don't want to debase your relationship from your end.
If she refuses to admit her numerous betrayals, no repentance is possible, and your marriage (in the ideal sense) doesn't really exist. I think, at least intellectually, you know where things are going... but it's hard when you love someone to take that final step and bring closure to a bad situation.
Ultimately, while she professes to love you, her actions are self-centered and unloving of you. Is she just fooling herself? Is she being purposefully deceitful? Is she reacting out of some sort of pervasive emptiness/feelings that she feels are not being met, or is she purposefully just selfish and cold-hearted?
Your next step(s) depend on how consciously she is lying and how hard her heart is against you and your marriage.
You know your wife best and what sort of conversation she might be willing to have, how you can connect with her, her family history, what struggles she might be having inside, etc. If she is ever able to converse, then you have a shot at getting through things depending on her commitment. If she remains unwilling to talk, you know that things will never work out.
Maybe you need to lay it on the line, be brave, and say what you've said here (if you haven't already), that you're willing to invest everything if she is willing to do so as well -- and that if she remains unwilling to open up or work on things, then you need to bring things to an end.
Hope things turn out better than you expect, and that there's still something in her that wants to change.
2006-09-11 02:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a woman who has never had an affair, i hope that you do not believe that all women are this way. I do not understand why you are still with this woman if she is cheating on you, and multiple times. There are women out there who would love to have a man that is as honest and who does not cheat. If you want the relationship with your wife to become a healthy one then you should seek marriage counseling. Good luck with your marriage or the life you chose without this cheating woman.
Blessed Be.
2006-09-11 02:37:14 · answer #4 · answered by paganmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is my take on it: As you are that she cheated on you, you aren't 100% sure because she hasn't fessed up. (You may be 100% sure, but this isn't the way she sees it.) And even if you have the smallest doubt, it would be better than you not being sure, because a) she doesn't want to hurt you and she feels like you being sure would hurt you more than you not being sure or b) she is truly too selfish to be truthful because she has no intentions of stopping what she's doing. Either way, if you stick around for it, she has no real incentive to change what she's doing either way, and therefore has no reason to be honest. At some point, you have to draw a line.
Hope this helps.
2006-09-11 02:50:40 · answer #5 · answered by Chris D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying this to hurt you, but a woman cheats for entirely different reasons than a man. Normally, (not always though) a woman cheats when she feels something is lacking in her marriage or relationship. She just simply doesn't feel completely satisfied in some way. Maybe she feels unloved, or she doesn't feel appreciated. Who knows? You must ask her. Maybe she has secret sexual desires that she feels that you would never be willing to fullfill. A good heart to heart talk is in order. Forget about accusing her, you already know she will deny it. If you're determined to stay with this woman, you have to find out what is wrong with your relationship that would cause her to seek out other men. Good Luck to you.
2006-09-11 02:50:22 · answer #6 · answered by sparkie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow that is a crazy situation. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do coz ultimately it is up to you as to whether or not you want to stay married to a woman like that. I don't think you cheating back makes a solution.
Try one last time and talk to her. I heard of couples who stay married for their childrens sake and have an open sexual life but you don't have kids so thats pointless.
I don't think this is a woman thing, men cheat and won't want to admit. To me its just probably coz thet want the best of both worlds and admitting ends one of it.
I wish you all the best and hope you come up with a solution to this.
2006-09-11 02:48:40 · answer #7 · answered by Pudge_Monsta 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
WOW. I am not sure if to give you credit or scold you. Look, your wife has a problem and like an alcolic, you are ENABLING her. If you love her (which kinda seems like it), then you need to give her an ultimatum. If you feel like you need to PROVE to her that you KNOW what you KNOW, then hire a P.I. to scope her out, get pictures, etc., then confront her with the evidence. Otherwise, understand, she isn't displaying "stubborn" behavior. She's displaying a sickness, selfishness, insecurity, sinful acts, and emotional abuse toward you. You need to make up your mind about what you want to do. You either stay with her and let her do what she's going to do and not complain about it, or simply leave her, get a divorce, get some serious counseling, and move on with your life.
See the link I attached. You can research what God says about Adultery and punishments and what YOU should do. (Please don't go killing anyone!!!)
2006-09-11 02:54:08 · answer #8 · answered by ControVerse 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
To a certain degree you've already accepted her behavior and it's not apparently marriage-threatening. It may be stressful and objectionable, but not enough to quit. It sounds like she's not likely to change. Your options are therefore few. And the option most prominently at the top of the list is to continue to accept her as she is and find a way to accept it.
I think you'll find most answerers here, including myself, to think of it as a sure path to divorce though.
2006-09-11 03:29:24 · answer #9 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a woman who has had an affair and the reason I lied when he asked me because I didn't want to hurt him. All that you guys would get out of the truth is pain DO you really want to know who's better and why we did it ??? I want my ex to be happy I stayed because I didn't have a place to live and I did not want to be honest with him. There are many reasons women cheat I had an emotional tie to someone who was not my husband It wasn't about sex it was attention and It felt good. You have to communicate or live with the pain. Talk to her or leave I f you are happy knowing she is doing it then stay but I suggest you go.
2006-09-11 03:06:43 · answer #10 · answered by Raineybaby 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋