help me, please?

Question

righto guys, erm its not easy,but i need to know how i can start to change my ways when i get into a argument with my girlfriend, every single time, i try so hard to relax and think before i speak, i have something called dyspraxia, which means what my head says, can sometimes be different to what i say or write down (along with a bunch of other stuff thats irrelevant)everytime we argue, i guilt trip her, i'm not proud, nor do i do it intentionally, i need to stop doing it, its ripping her up, i feel awful about it, i love her with all of my heart, and she loves me, but the arguments,usually over petty things, esculate because i guilt trip her, without realising, and rightfully so its starting to annoy her, how in the hell do i sort this out, i hate myself for it because its ripping her apart, and us, i trust her i love her, everything else in our relationship is amazing, its jus when we have a misunderstanding, i read it wrongly, guilt trip her and what not, how do i stop it?thanks

thanks guys, really are helping me

to Sam

mate thats the best idea, the write it down throw it away, i'm deffo going to use that, but still good answers, i don't thnik counselling will help to be honest, everything else is perfect, its just my way of arguing i need to sort

by the way, dyspraxia isn't just about co-ordination, and if you dont beleive this, think about it, brain sends message to mouth or hand to write thigns down, things dont come out, as they should do, this proves a lack of co-ordination - i'm not trying to use it as an excuse, but i cannot say or write what my head says, specially when i get wound up and what not, it makes it worse, this is really the only thing left of it, as i have pretty much outgrown it, apart from some co-ordination problems i get but nothing thats as noticable

my girlfriend knows i have it, and she understands it, which is good, but in the long run, i cant keep using it as an excuse, nor will i, i have to sort this out

Answer 1

Recognition of the problem is the 1st step... so, you are on the right track. My suggestions:

1. Talk to your GF and tell her what you have told the rest of us.
2. As soon as you realize you are arguing, make a concious decision to stop... wait 5 minutes before you respond. It'll give you some time to think things through and move past your immediate emotions.
3. Barring #2, try this... for severe arguments, get a piece of paper and write out your argument. Once you are done... throw it away. If you STILL feel that it is worth figthing about, you can talk to your GF... but, at least you have already thought things through.

Answer 2

When you or her start to get upset over something then just walk away. Do not talk again untill the frustaration is passed. Then when you calm down talk. Like you said most of the time it is petty stuff. So if you try the method of not talking until you calm down then it might work. Let her know to that if you are getting upset that you do not want to talk right now and do the same with her. I have found this is one of the very best ways to deal with petty stuff.My husband and I have been together since junor high and that is how we are. Everyone always ask us how do we do it and that is how. Many times these people do not listen but one day someone will and then they will see how me and my husband has made it and are going to keep making it.Good Luck.

Answer 3

OK, I have been in a simular position as you and it does not get any easier. What I tend to do is when the argument begins I just listen and agree with her at times, but most of all ask her what the problem is and try to come to some comprimize.. You need to sit down and discuss the matter, before everything you have disintegrates before you and you loose everything. even if you are right. This is the only advice I can give you. The guilt trip thing is your safety mechanism, try and work it out.

Answer 4

I have personal experience of arguing with a dyspraxic and its very frustrating!
In the end, when she started i told her i was going out, and she'd have time to write it down, then when i came back we had a civil conversation about whatever it was and no agruing really, as she had got across what she wanted to say and wasn't getting frustrated. She had to do it in list form, then read it over and think whether that was what she was upset about, then give it to me or leave it on the table for me to find (if i came in too late). In list form, it also didn't include the emotive, guilt tripping that she always tried which instantly got me annoyed when we argued face to face.
It was the best way to do it.
Or show her your question, she might understand a little better then if you do start arguing that half of what you say, you don't mean, making it easier to make up with her afterwards

Answer 5

When you have an argument or you feel the argument developing walk away and come back when you are calm if it is little things that you are fighting about there might be another reason for your fighting...I was told once that even though we argue about the little things there is a major thing that needs to be dealt with look further into your relationship there is something there that is causing you two to argue then I suggest you seek marriage counselling.

Answer 6

I have been the same, I lay on a big guilt trip..... now i just say whatever and walk away.... just go out of the house saying" we both need to calm down, im going for a walk and when i come back can we please forget about it" either that or go out.... when you come back do not even mention the argument, if she tries to bring it up just change the subject, agree or ignore her,,, its what i do now,,, an it works too. Give it a go m8

Answer 7

first of all does she know you suffer from dyspraxia (DCD)

if she does then it will be a bit easier if not let her know (try the website i have added)

right my son suffers from a mild form of dysparaxia but as far as i am lead to believe this only affect your motor skills

Dyspraxia :-can be defined as motor difficulties caused by perceptual problems, especially visual-motor and kinesthetic-motor difficulties

but the best i can offer you is if you feel your about to go off on one sit down stop take a deep breath and write down what you have to say instead of just saying it as long as your g/f loves you she will understand when you stop for a minute or 2

Answer 8

If I were you I would contemplate couples counselling to air your thought is a calm and rational environment.
This way you can take your time when speaking and you can explain yourself more clearly.
You may also get to listen to your partner without interruption or anxious attacks.
Good luck to you.

Answer 9

when ye start an arguement - you need to walk away, collect your thoughts and calm down - we all say things we dont mean on a spur of the moment thing - you just need to learn how to control it.

Answer 10

try what my hubby does - he just walks away - most the time he will go outside just so he don't have to argue with me. I think its because he knows I'm always right lol