weve been seperated for 2 years he lived a motel and got fired from his job he has got caught in the bars, calling motels and admitted to smokinig pot & doing coke, Ive decided he is not the guy for me after being married for 20yrs he doesnt pay bills &or spend time with our 8 kids i do love him but i have decided there are better men out there so i have decided for 2 year he abandon this family he didnt think about our needs and now he is saying he found god after lilving with his racial mom for 3 months&starts to reflect that i am immoral because i want a divorce & i want to be married but not to him, i dont cheat do drugs or party, i am a student &mom i also wk but i am tired of all his not being a husband &a father Everytime i tried to get along with this guy he was a total *** to me he has cussed me &just been non responsible i still love him but he is not a good role model&death do us part ended when he left, should i try since he says he found god or not?I want change am i wrng
2006-09-11 01:30:43 · 12 answers · asked by Larelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No you are not wrong. He was the one that was wrong. You stayed and he left. You know you could give him chance but outside the home. Tell him that he has to prove that he has changed and found God. If he wants to be with you and make things up then he will do anything to prove to you that he is for real. I would let him try but I wouldn't let him back in until I was sure. If wants a marriage then he will spend time with you and the children and help with the bills. You are not immoral. You just don't want to put up with the crap and he wants a something to lean on. See if he has changed then he will want to take care of you and the kids. If things haven't then cut him lose knowing that you are doing the right thing. No were does it say that you need to be a doormat for your husband. You are doing what is good for you and your children. That is something that he needs to be doing. You need to also show your children what is accepted in a relationship and what isn't. Good luck and God bless.
2006-09-11 01:45:29 · answer #1 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize with you.. I was married for 14years and supposedly we were leading a Christian life with our children and then within the last five years I started catching on to missing income and gone for two-five days at a time. It was pure hell. I found out that the man I thought I married and birthed two children for was not the man I thought he was. He had been doing coke our entire marriage behind my back knowing how I have no tolerance for drugs ( I come from a family of drug abuse and seen how this destroys lives and families). We separated on and off for two years and I tried to rebuild my love for him as a husband and it seemed it would slap me in the face every time. I would follow him around and catch him hanging around other women on our family boat and in various apartment complexes.. he would say nothing intimate was going on between them they were friends.. well I guess if they were friends he would have brought them around me and our children... but, he never did. I am sorry to say but, from my own experience once deceit and disloyalty enters into a marriage it will only continue to be a problem and either one of you will be happy and the children will only endure the suffering with you. I hope and pray you make the right choice for your own happiness. ~GOD Bless!
We have been divorced over a year.. and guess what He has not changed. He still looks and has all the same symptoms of a drug user...... I on the other hand am happier than ever and my children even seem to be relieved and doing better in school.
2006-09-11 02:04:36 · answer #2 · answered by crazy life 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe this losers stupid I found it and I want you to have it too ideology then you must step back and look at how it's been for the last 2 yrs.
You have accomplished so much on your own with out this LOSER.....He is only wanting you back now after finding the Jesus factor because he knows he can use and abuse you again. This loser hasn't changed. I'm sure he's still on drugs or is giving the appearance of being drug free.
I'd RUN FOREST RUN from any kind of kindling of a relationship with this person. DIVORCE him and be done with it. Unless you want to kindle the died out flame in this dead relationship then go ahead make his day......You'll be sorry .....and the whole tumulus abuses will start all over again!!
2006-09-11 01:46:15 · answer #3 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let a dead beat dad, pothead, unemployed overgrown mama's boy back into your life because of guilt. If he got God then Good he needs it. Let him prove himself. Where and how long has he since been employed? Make him demonstrate his ability to finanacially take care of you and the children. Can he pay for 6 mos? 1 yr? Stay in school and better yourself. He needs alot of help. What has he done to insure that he doesn't fall back to his habits? Is he part of support groups or therapy?
You are the only one who will live with the conseqences of reconciliation. It is up to you.
2006-09-11 01:38:16 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In 20 yr.s he had a lot of opportunity to find religion. Be glad he hit bottom elsewhere and not in front of the children. Get the divorce. Do it now. If he wants to court he can attempt it like any other guy. He squandered his first opportunity. Your standards are higher now.
2006-09-11 01:46:02 · answer #5 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you need any of us to answer this question for you. You already know that the place he belongs is the curb. Bringing him back into your life is only going to increase your life sentence. You've managed 2 years without him. Treat it like a cigarette addiction and leave it go.
2006-09-11 03:48:29 · answer #6 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whaat? He sounds like a loser who's been dragging you down; why would you want to "try again"? I don't know what your situation is, perhaps you're desperate to be with a man even if he's disrespectful and irresponsible. I certainly would rather stay single than be tied to a person who doesn't pay bills and treat me like cr@p. What's in it for you, really?
2006-09-11 02:18:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what you've gotta do. try and make a desicion that's going to benefit you and your kids alike. i've been through this situation too many times to determine what you should do or not, because i feel like i'm still not satisfied. so do what you think is right, and don't make any rash desicions. my best bet is to find someone who is good to you right off the bat and stays good to you. have a new man spend time with the kids. if he loves them, too, he's a keeper.
2006-09-11 01:38:23 · answer #8 · answered by Chelsea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I seriously think you do know what you ought to do, don't you? Is there any good reason/s why you should give him a second chance? I don't see any in your description above.
2006-09-11 02:09:24 · answer #9 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its been 2 years.. hes had his freedom, which he wanted so no i wouldsnt take him back... whats gonna happen 2 years from now?? will he want more freedom??
2006-09-11 01:33:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋