She told me she is trying!?

Question

I quit drinking 90 days ago because my wife left me with the kids and I had to sober up so I could be a good father to them. We both drank for 6 years regularly and were not all we could of been to eachother and to our 6 kids. She told me the week before she left that she is "in love" with a co-worker. I want her back, but she still is attached to this new guy that she has been in an affair with for 2 secret years. I believe the drinking played the biggest part in our breakdown in our relationship. Do I have a chance if she sobers up? Has anyone gone through this? Please Help!

Answer 1

If she is an alcoholic, then you have to see this thing realistically.
Alchol changes a persons personality, it is the alcohol not the person who is responsible for this situation. Only when a person is sober do they have the capacity to think logically. Yes there is hope, but only if she is prepared to do something about her alcoholism. It is a real problem in any relationship when one or both parties are alcoholics....Their whol perspective changes, and with that their personality does too....You would know that by your own experiences with alcholism.

You cant make her get help, she has got to want to do that herself. If she can get off the alcohol, then there is real hope of your marriage working...It will take a lot of counselling, but it can work, but she needs to want it to work. Whilever she is an alcoholic, I am afraid she has not got the ability to think straight, therefore I cannot see your marriage coming back together.

I know its so easy to blame the person, and it takes a real man/woman to understand that it is not the woman, it is the alchol that is dictating her behaviour. If you are prepared to work though this with her, then she will come out of it a different person, but she has to stop drinking for anything to be sorted out.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you

Answer 2

mmm...a difficult one. I have lots of experience of alcoholism having a father , 2 brothers and an ex husband who were all alcoholics. It depends on what you mean by sobered up? have you only sobered up temporarily or do you intend to stay sober ? eg. with help from organisations such as AA?
As you will know, becoming sober( permanently) is not easy, it takes lots of hard work. If you've already began on this journey then I would advise that you are better of not having someone else around you who drinks as this will make it doubly difficult for you. If she stops drinking , and its a big If, maybe in time you could reconcile but in my experience two alcoholics together , even in recovery.... is never a good idea. Good luck.

Answer 3

Oh gosh, I really feel for you, man! I think she should get together for a lunch date or something and talk it over. Ask her how she sees the future, with this guy, with you and her children. If she's willing to give it a try, then I say you've got a great chance. Just both partners have to be willing to try to make it work, you know. I admire you for trying to get sober...I hope your wife agrees to do the same. But seeing that she left you with the kids it doesn't sound like she's very responsible. Talk it over...and if it doesn't work out, there's no such thing as only one soul mate for each of us in this world. After all, a soul mate is not someone you find, it's someone you become...

Answer 4

I was married to an alcoholic for 7 yrs, I also drank! I left him and never looked back, he was not good for me and I was not good for him. The ones that really suffered were my children, after leaving him I never drank in front of my children, or smoked.

The one thing i did not want was my kids growing up seeing drunken parents day in and day out, you have to make that decision! I think you should take a long hard look at what you really want, Yes it hurts now, I have been married to a guy who does not drink, never has since we got married 20 yrs ago. I do drink socially now and I always have a designated driver. but i drink in moderation and not everyday. Good luck, I really think you should move on be the best dad you can be.

Answer 5

Well, you never know. You're on the right track and congratulations for being 90 days clean and sober. You should feel proud that you not only went this long but that you did this for your kids.

They are the MOST important thing in your life now and they deserve your best efforts. So try not to dwell on her and this "relationship" It will play its own course and you shouldn't let her "off the hook" because of the laundry list of excuses she gave you. She dumped her family and you shouldn't let her "waltz" in and out of all of your lives.

Focus on the kids, keeping yourself healthy and getting in better shape. If you slip again check out some AA meetings. Go to church and ask for help- God will listen...

Answer 6

Marriage is always worth working on, although you cannot make her quit drinking or seek help. I suggest AA and al-anon for you. It will help you keep your focus while you go through this rough weather. Hopefully she will see that you are sober and taking responsibility for your children and this will entice her to come home and work with you. There are no guarantees. Most of all I am proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself. Keep it up! Good luck!!

Answer 7

You have a drinking problem and that takes a whole more than 90 days to get under control, if she does too maybe it's time you involved the State and get your kids with parents who can care for them.

Answer 8

she escapes and you are caught in it 6 childern by God not easy to handle with and you were drinking that might be the reason that you were not sharing the resposiblites . well you can talk to her may be she loves the childern and come back but you assure her that you are not drinking any more and mend your ways will work i think . Have a good luck try try again my dear.

Answer 9

Some people will always be the type to need something different in their lives. Alcohol or not, she may have still cheated on you. Just make sure you shape up and be the next "different" guy she runs to.

Answer 10

maybe she's drunkly inlove with that co-worker.. change that drinking habit not to get back with your wife but to win your children's trust.. be a good father to them and show them that eventhough their mom isnt around, your family will always be complete because you, as parents still care.. looks like you really love your because you unconditionally forgave her already.. but dont push yourself to her, she's been cheating for two years and now she's gone, i think its best for.. start a new life.. a new life being a good father your children.. and stay happy.. love your children..