I've got two autistic kids, I would sooner have all my teeth pulled than take them shopping because they always have tantrums and people always stare
2006-09-11 00:06:23 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I appreciate that this must be very stressful for you.
However, if you avoid going places because you are worried about what people think you will find you will go to fewer and fewer places. Soon it won't be the shops it will be out of the house or to areas where there are other kids.
There are lots of positive things you can do to improve this situation.
You can't stop people staring, you can't control that but you can deal with how you are feeling about it.
You know that your children are autistic and will respond differently to other kids in certain situations. It doesn't make them bad children and does not make you a bad mother. You do not need to justify yourself to others. If someone does stare or make a comment it is up to you if you wish to say something short like - my child has autism and finds things like going to the shops more difficult.
You don't say what country you are based in but I am sure there are support groups for parents of children with autism. You can share your experiences and find out what coping strategies they have.
You are obviously a really caring dedicated parent, who wants to protect your children, and stop people staring and making unkind comments.
Concentrate on your kids and your life and ignore the ignorant comments that some unkind people make.
Good luck.
2006-09-11 00:12:43 · answer #1 · answered by Bebe 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I often do stare although I hope that it is not in a bad way. I am just reliving my kids' youth and thinking to myself" You see there are some benefits to getting older!"
On a more serious note though. I work with autistic children so i do understand what you mean. We have a heck of a long way to go before people become less judgemental.
Don't let other people get to you. If you don't need the tantrums when shopping I hear you. Shopping is something you have to enjoy, especially as it results in you parting with money!
Bit if it is other people's prejudices that bother you then now is your time to be your children's ambassador.
Smile back at the people and explain in clear simple English that your child is an Autistic Savant like Rain Man and he/she is getting freaked by all the noise/smells/movement etc; what ever comes to mind.
"Then say I am sorry but I have to help him/her learn to overcome it. He/she has a life to lead as well."
OK , so maybe it fudges the boundaries just a little bit..... but so what! I personally believe that most Autistic people's brains move so fast they cannot be bothered with us clods!
You will find that most people will let their boundaries melt when approached this way . And those who don't? Who needs them anyway?
2006-09-11 07:59:14 · answer #2 · answered by Christine H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i do not stare a mother worries to much about this. I have 3 children all under 5 and they have tantrums in the shops but I tell them how it is and how it will be and carry on shopping with them screaming. My hubby hates this and I just tell him that if people are going to stare let them my children need the chance to learn from their mistakes and if this offends people SO WHAT even if I didn't have children I still wouldn't stare at children having tantrums why should I. I would be the one telling the other people to mind their own business. It's natural and I am sorry you feel you can't take your children out shopping with you. Take care!
2006-09-11 07:12:02 · answer #3 · answered by jules 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not sure how this works on an autistic childs tantrum - and my sincere sympathies are with you because I can't imagine the stress it must be when it happens.
I usually try to catch the eye of the child and when they look at me (because they always scan the faces of everyone watching)... I give them the biggest most happy smile you could possibly imagine.
It generally confuses them. They stop crying normally.
A kid throwing a tantrum likes to think he's in control of the mood in the place - and gains power by controlling the emotions of everyone around. If you show a completely opposite reaction they don't know what to do.
2006-09-11 07:26:11 · answer #4 · answered by quay_grl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No i don`t stare , i feel for the mother , having 4 kids i had only 1 that was a real tantrum child and theres nothing worse than being stared at by the know it alls . They are worse than the kids .
2006-09-11 10:10:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I treat the situation like I did when my kids would pull that crap, I'd just ignore them. If they really wanna get dramatic and drop to the floor kicking and screaming. I just step over them and tell them," lemme know when your done so we can finish shopping." Worked EVERY time
But Since your kids are autistic, screw the fools that stare. next time you catch someone staring tell them," Then you take him home and deal with it. If not, then move along buddy! Nothing to see here!! Just my opinion.
2006-09-11 07:54:41 · answer #6 · answered by luciousbbwkitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no , but i do feel frustrated when i hear the parents 3 aisles down shouting at the kids,to try and control them. (usually the said kids ,are not so bad,it is the parents who are embaressed and over reacting)
most people do realise that children of a certain age or ability may act like that,and can deal with it.
perhaps you should try taking 1 kid at a time with you, if you feel that such an outing is benficial. otherwise i hope you have some support who will help you out ,as it is important that you still do normal things in your life.
2006-09-11 07:17:56 · answer #7 · answered by saywot? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do feel sorry for you,and no i don't stare as I find that this makes things worse for you poor parents! I have a son with adhd and now i work with 'special needs' children at nursery,I used to find that if i told my son" he was only embarrassing himself and that i didn't care what other people thought," anyone thinking about saying somthing or staring used to change tack and ignore us.I don't know how bad your kids autism is but i hope this helps
All i can say is I hope you manage to ignore the idiots who think they know best!!!!
GOOD LUCK
2006-09-11 07:20:47 · answer #8 · answered by fam l 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do they have tantrums? My daughter has taught me alot about autism, she teaches autistic children and loves it. Why do you care what people think? They have no clue what you are dealing with. Your a special person, so don't let people who don't have a clue rule your life!
Have you worked with anyone to get you thru this problem?
2006-09-11 07:21:05 · answer #9 · answered by cinderjo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ignore them. It's none of their business. You have a right to go about your daily business without ignorant people staring at you. As long as you are happy that you are doing the best you can under difficult circumstances then sod everyone else.
2006-09-11 07:09:20 · answer #10 · answered by Trix 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋