Recently my wife confessed she had an affair a year ago with a guy she met on the internet. At least she thought it was going to be an affair. When she went to meet him in New York he kept her in a hotel room for 3 days while he and 2 other men raped her repeatedly. She only confessed because he started calling her and threatening to tell me about everything if she did not go to see him again. I tried to work things out but she just became more and more distant. After 2 weeks she moved out and now I can't even get her to talk. Do I keep trying to letting her know that I still love her and want to work things out or do I just leave her alone?
2006-09-10 23:59:40 · 24 answers · asked by whodrankallthecoffee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave her alone. She has a lot to figure out on her own. In the mean time, I would consider starting over. That's what SHE was trying to do.
2006-09-11 00:02:12 · answer #1 · answered by Ray 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wanted to have an affair with another man. Especially one that she met on the Internet. She's a cheater. She probably has affairs that you don't know about. I've been through a marriage like this and believe me, it never works out. If she's moved out, she probably already has someone else and this is just an excuse to leave you.
It may be hard at first. But believe me you will be better off without a cheater. There are too many good women out there that won't cheat on you. Go get one and leave the cheater alone. Let her be someone else's problem.
2006-09-11 00:10:56 · answer #2 · answered by Cal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She left last night and you have a child. Tel me the child is with you in the primary residence ?!?!? If so you have bargaining power that you should NEVER give away. If your child is NOT there get him or her back and INSIST that you be the primary care giver of the child, PERIOD. Do NOT make any agreements with her, period. Go hire an attorney RIGHT NOW and draw up temp orders for child support and custody IMMEDIATELY. If you don't, she will and you'll get screwed 6 way till sunday for a very long time. ASK ME HOW I KNOW. You had better get on the offensive NOW. Find a family law lawyer that is wiling to have an emergency meeting with you today, and file those papers on monday. Start a journal today and document everything that has been going . How much time you take care of your child, what you do around the house. EVERYTHING. ALL of the things you do with your child. Get prepared for the fight of your life...and focus on your child now, more than ever. They are the ones that really lose. And iIMO your going to be better off...it doesn't seem like it now so you'll have to trust me on this part.
2016-03-17 12:01:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might be the most brutal story I've seen here. Whether you two get back together or not, you need to buy her some therapy soon. I'm thinking you can't really help her right now. Talk about a plan backfiring. How was she able to be quiet about this for a year? Sorry to hear this one.
2006-09-11 01:20:21 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She had an affair for a year? after you found out. I would leave it at that...if she does not want to talk. leave the horse, it will come back if its thirsty. The only reason she told u was when her life was threatened. If this did not happen you still would'nt have known. Should she come back, then suggest she go for counselling,help her in that way,but back in your life a big NO! Move on and find yourself someone who would appreciate you.
2006-09-11 00:05:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is feeling very horrible about what happened and feeling even more horrible that you are willing to forgive her. She is thinking for you(leaving) and beating herself up over it(going to NY). She is probably feeling that you will eventually judge her. Try writing to her everything that you are feeling. When you take away the possibility of confrontation, she will be more apt to read what you have writtin and possibly respond. She might need some time to think. If you feel it is worth saving then you should keep trying. Something is not right with her since she is searching on the Internet for something. You need to find out what is wrong. It sounds as though she is not able to communicate her feelings to you very well.
2006-09-11 00:07:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you called the Cops when she told you, right?
They are still out there. You didn't show her how
you would protect her. You didn't do anything.
It wasn't just working things out with her. She feels
she can make it safer for herself, by herself.
What actions did you tell her you were going to
take against them? Police, then what?
You need rape counseling.
2006-09-11 00:12:22 · answer #7 · answered by elliebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did she move out and resume seeing the guy from the internet? Why would a rapist threaten to reveal himself? Your recourse would be to file charges against him and thus bringing him under more scrutiny? Leave her alone for a while, watch, and see. If she started surfing the net for a relationship then you had problems long before the affair or she wouldn't have been receptive.
2006-09-11 00:59:26 · answer #8 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that what happened wasn't her fault, she didn't desreve what happened. Tell her that you still love her, and that the door is always open, and that you'll be there for her when she's ready.
then and only then when she's ready could you approach the subject of perhaps getting her therapy or rape-crisis treatment
2006-09-11 00:03:25 · answer #9 · answered by dj8t4 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is really hard to imagine how much she is in pain and needs somone to talk.If I were you I would let her alone for a while but watch her every second of her life because she should be in a mood that she can do stg bad like commiting suicide.If you know any of her close friend request him/her to talk to your wife.I hope everything will be ok soon.
2006-09-11 00:17:52 · answer #10 · answered by ozdemrr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋