When the sun goes down and the stars rise I lay in bed and think of nothing but you. As I close my eyes I see ur smiley ur sexy eyes in front of mine. Just the thought of your lips touching mine makes my heart go wild. Hearing the sound of ur laugh it makes me feel something what words will never explain. What can I say babe I am so in love with u I can't possible explain.
2006-09-10 23:37:38 · 15 answers · asked by jas_slo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Honest constructive criticism? Check the spelling/grammar(possibly, not possible...your smiley, sexy eyes). Try not to use explain twice , in succession.:S It makes it feel repetitive. eg: you *could* say something like...." I didn't know it was possible to feel the things I do --I am so in love with you", or somesuch, at the end. But basically hun--if it is heartfelt, which it sounds like it is, I don't think you can go too far wrong with your girlfriend. I think she will love it.:)
2006-09-10 23:54:33 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the sun goes down and the stars rise I think of you.
As I close my eyes, I see your smile and hear your laugh that makes my heart go wild.
With your sexy eyes and your lips upon mine , I feel on top of the world.
My words are nothing to what my heart feels, being in love with you makes me complete
2006-09-11 06:51:20 · answer #2 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beautiful. Very sincere. Just check for spelling and spell out the words plainly.
u=you ur=your
2006-09-11 06:52:02 · answer #3 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice
2006-09-11 06:45:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This a very sweet thing to do. No if you can just correct a few grammar problems it'd be perfect.
2006-09-11 06:40:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the night befalls and the stars start to shine ?
2006-09-11 06:49:20 · answer #6 · answered by misseighteen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish someone would write something like that for me. That is really sweet. Leave iit just like it is.
2006-09-11 06:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by tmperbutt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like u are really in love withur gf. Keep it up and write more...
2006-09-11 06:46:26 · answer #8 · answered by YELLOW 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't change a thing. it came from your heart, and if you take anyones advice and change anything, it won't be from you. anyways if someone gave me that, i would cry. it is beautiful.
2006-09-11 06:40:04 · answer #9 · answered by kimberly k 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, it's not actually a poem but it is very sweet....leave it alone, it sounds sooo sweet
2006-09-11 06:50:59 · answer #10 · answered by chereeder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋