Should I leave my wife, we been married 12 years, I work hard, so does she but she lazy at home?

Question

We just bought a new house, a "new start" but she still aint changed. I do all cooking cleaning, walk dogs, grocery shopping, decorating, gardening. She has a great personality, but I dont think that is enough anymore. She wears me out mentaly, constantly complains about how shitty her life is, but wont work with me to try to improve things. We have massive debt but she continues to spend money like there is no tomorrow moans if we dont go on holiday, so she goes with her mate, and I always let her. Is she taking the p**s out of me

I have told her how I feel on several occasions, and tried to make her understand about the money situation, she says she understands but then goes and books a holiday, or spends £100 at hairdresser, cos it makes her feel better

Answer 1

When i first read your question i thought another man who thinks his working wife should do all the housework also but in reading on i found this is not the case at all and you seem to be the one doing it all. A man who knows how most women live! Not very nice at all is it? The thing i dont understand is the great personality thing. It sounds to me like she is lacking in personality with the constant complaints and lack of respect for all that you do for her. I am sorry but she sounds like a selfish b*tch to me in every way and if you can live without her, do it! There is obviously some love there or some hold over you that she has because no way would i put up with that kind of treatment for 12 years so you have to ask yourself what that is and can you live without it? I would let her know that you are serious and try to get a plan in action to help her improve. If she was to get up and do some of these things it may actually help her life become less shitty. If she is not willing to work at it, I would be out of there.. but that's just me. The other thing you wanna be careful of is the money thing. If she spends like there is no tomorrow she will definately want all that she can get out of you should you divorce. Ultimately its your decision alone but I think she is definately taking the p*ss. You seem to let her get away with whatever she wants so she is walking all over you. Who wouldn't let someone else do all the work if they were stupid enough to do it. People will take advantage of any situation and you are being taken advantage of.

Answer 2

marriage is commitment. marriage is hard work. i don't think you should divorce your wife...i think you should really sit down and talk things through, and let each other how you feel. does she know that you think she's lazy? if not, you should let her know, in a kind, caring way. and let her tell her side of the story too, she needs to be heard. give specific examples (such as, "you seem to be spending more money than we have, we need to put a budget on things so we can both be happy") it's very commendable that you are doing a lot of the work around the house as well...you say she's a hard worker, so hold her accountable to that. if she's working hard all day at work, give her a break when she gets home and treat her like the queen that she is. above all, stay calm, remain loving, and keep an open mind about everything. good luck! :)

Answer 3

Can you clarify "so she goes with her mate".
You sound like a good man. If you just you bought a new house you should have made some new rules for your household and your life. Write it down. What do you need from her as a life partner? Who's more supportive? How many more years can you live like this? There can also be areas where you are lacking. Rid some of your old habits too. Have a garage sale. Out with the old in with the new. If she has a good personality, this shoulnt be too hard. Maybe you have spoiled her.

Answer 4

My only question would be: Why did u allow her to have her way for so long? Realize that in this situation, u have as much to do with her behavior as she has. Simply put, u have spoiled her and enabled her to treat u like a doormat and now she thinks this is somehow to be "expected" of u. U need to put your foot down once and for all and let her know that from now on, things are going to be different and... stick with it. Stop doing all the things u have been doing for her and let her realize that she needs to put in her share of "the work". Divide up the house chores and set some ground rules as far as who gets to do what. Communicate! Sometimes people just need a wake up call to realize that what they're doing is wrong or unfair.

As far as her spending is concerned, sit down with her and work out a budget. U have to start setting up limitations and make her realize that your tolerance is not to be mistaken for being a push over. U teach people how to treat u, and sadly in your situation, u taught her well.

Answer 5

Well let me tell you from experience.. You are being taken for granted. My ex did the same thing but in a different fashion for twenty years. Don't blame her blame yourself for putting up with this situation. Put your foot down threaten to end it. If she doesn't wake up move on you will be better off. Life's to short to be in a miserable situation. Get out before you invest any more years. You will look back and regret the time you wasted. Don't get me wrong I hope things can change for the better but do something about it now. Good luck

Answer 6

you started this as many couples do many that are finally at that state to where they want to give up cause they want to see the greener fence or just plain ol tired. you cant expect a woman to change what she is so used to that you started if she don't want to you have accustomed her to the lifestyle of you cleaning and cooking and doing all the work in the home and you expect her to meet your change at whim impossible but not that it cant happen. you guys need to talk this out seek each other and if there are others people involved then i would sugg that you go on a mental break. i don't initiate divorces i really dont i always would want one to try and work things out usually lack of communication and trust is the boundaries of a failed marriage. and one not knowing who he or she is or want from themselves or their mates. are you really tired of her complaining or is this an excuse on her end to get rid of you. or visa versa? you can not change her if she don't want to be changed you can only work with her and talk with her if you see there is no more talking to be done then see your lawyer

Answer 7

Wow come on over if ya leave her i got the same prob here but with him. LOL it never ends we are on our 11th year and i have tried everything.One thing did kind of help for a bit tho. Do the same thing not the money spending but stop doing things that are not a neccesity maybe she will realize what you do around there once she is not eating, no laundry clean, no dishes to eat with, and so on just do for yourself for a bit. Those microwave dinners work awesome but only buy they one u need on the way home. LOL fight fire with fire man.!!!!

Answer 8

one solution is to go on marriage counceling but most people doesnt like to talk to people about their marriage problems. Sit down with her and you both should talk about your problems and as soon as you do that, there might be a good reason why your wife is slacking off. Maybe she has problems that you dont know, but tend to her cause till death do you part, she is your wife and by leaving your wife wont change anything, itll just make her life AND yours worse. She'd have no support and you'd regret leaving your loved one. So just think about it and God bless.

Answer 9

ahh man i am in almost the same situation...
leaving your wife is never a solution
both u and her forget the meaning of marriage, both your roles
u have to support her no matter wat, that means bein patient by her action, and seekin help in different ways instead of the same ones u both are using
get her to realize the big picture
my fiance is lazy at home, so i do all the work majority of times, however if she knoes that she must try her hardest to please me, support me, as i do other work
my fiance spend lots of money too, and since we can't go on vacation, she prefers to go wit her family/friends instead
i feel like i'm being used, but yet i forget how much she is getting my back when i am dead tired
she of course is learning wat she should and shouldnt be doin everyday if she wants us to take a bigger step
i am also doin the same on my side
talk to her, if she wont listen to u, get her or have others to talk wit her

Answer 10

Well try talking to her and tell her things have to
change soon, if that doesn't work tell her to get
the hell out and go find someone else that will
take care of your lazy a s s. You deserve
better.
There is not too many nice and generous men
like you, when and if you do leave her......make
sure she don't get the new house.

Good luck & best wishes to you!