Last week my friend Mary had an argument with her husband Luke. Luke was opening the door to leave their place and Mary put her hand on his shoulder to stop him, then he punched her square in the eye! After Mary called me, I took her to the hospital to get her examined. Fortunately, no broken bones..just a nasty black eye. She spoke with a social worker and also gave a statement to the local police, who also took a photo of her face. They asked if she wanted to press charges and she said no. She has two kids with Luke, and she was also afraid of what Luke might do if she did press charges. When everything was finished at the hospital, I took her home to her parents. Her children were left with her husband. I thought the kids should come to her parent's as well, but she didn't think Luke would hurt the kids. After staying at her parents' for a few days, she went back to her home with her husband!
2006-09-10 21:20:28 · 11 answers · asked by Mysti1000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Her reasoning is that she doesn't think she has anywhere else to go. Her parents won't let her stay there with her kids indefinitely. Her parents want her to take care of the kids in her own home. I've told her how concerned I am about her situation, but she doesn't seem to realize how bad it is. She's hoping Luke won't hit her again, but more than likely he will. I'd appreciate any suggestions on what I can do to help, other than providing support.
2006-09-10 21:22:48 · update #1
She should press charges, and get a restraining order agianst him.
2006-09-10 21:24:42 · answer #1 · answered by Dr Dee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mary has to be ready to leave Luke and he has the power over her like any abusive spouse she feels like she has no out and helpless.... How you can help her is by giving her choices or woman's shelters and places that will help her...also get a social worker or counselor to give you some information about the cycle of abuse and she might just wake up. If she does leave him and he is violent the first years is serious lots of Woman and children die in this year she needs a restraining order and to be safe....she has to find an organization or great friend to help her...hang in there being there for her is the most important job.
2006-09-10 21:32:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important is to be there for her at any time. Encourage her and uplift her spirit so that she realizes that she is a valuable woman who does not deserve such treatment. Abuse in this kind in so difficult because for her to get out she has to take drastic changes that will affect her life and her children.
Make a plan with her on how she can leave, even if it's not permanent, she needs to get our of the situation until he receives counseling / therapy.
You are right, he will probably hit her again...and might even hurt the children. Focus on this also as many times a woman won't leave for her own protection but she will save her children.
Remember this is frightenening for your friend, but she needs to be supported and guided to get out until he gets help.
Good Luck :)
2006-09-10 21:33:25 · answer #3 · answered by Issabella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is afraid. and until it gets worse, she won't do anything. i was also in a relationship of domestic violence. it's a really hard and depressing situation to be in. all you can do is do the research for her of all the help she can get when she leaves him.
they have a shelter for battered women and other shelters for women that suffer from domestic violence. they protect her in case the husband/bf comes after her.
do research on those shelters and how they can help her. she needs to have a "SAFETY PLAN" and you should ask about that. find some phone numbers she can call (shelters). i don't know, try your best and just be there for her.
b/c when i was in my abusive relationship, i didn't listen to any of my friends either and i always hoped that he would change or he didn't mean it. i was in denial and i loved him.
she will CONSIDER leaving after it happens the 5th time. just try not to be too critical against her husband when you are with her. all she will do, is defend him and push you away. that's what i did to my friends. i thought they just didn't understand.
i am not a counselor and i don't know how to help. i just know that i can relate and i know how hard it is to get out of something like that.
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and one more thing. i'm answering to your added detail... i learned in PEP Class (Personal Empowerment Program) for battered women. that we may not have realized it, but we made excuses for why we stayed with them b/c we were in denial of the truth and we were afraid. and if you think about it. it is definitley true. and having kids with that person makes it even harder to leave. i had a daughter with the guy in my abusive relationship.
2006-09-10 21:33:15 · answer #4 · answered by Pearlz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a lot of states she would have had no choice..they would have thrown his sorry butt in jail wither she wanted it or not. A man who hits his wife-g/f, is a worthless pile of crap! If this was the 1st time it probably won't be the last, she needs help before it happens again. Give her all the support you can, help her to get help and counseling. She needs to realize that she does not have to put up with any kind of abuse!
2006-09-10 21:31:48 · answer #5 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Mysti, You are a very good friend. Mary needs to get her kids and leave that BASTARD.He will continue to hit her and each time will be alittle worse.She thinks she is backed in a corner,and can't support herself and kids.Fine a shelter for abuses wives and get her and her kids to one A.S.A.P. I think they will help her get some kind of training to get a good job.She already has reported on him for abuse,and pictures to.She needs to file for divorce(they in the shelter, should help with this to). The main thing is to get her and her 2 kids our of there,Before something bad happens. A Friend.
Clowmy
2006-09-10 21:40:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you get them to go to church cause I kinda know people who are like what you said and they have changed for the better since going to a place that changes/enlightens them with positive thinking. And no I'm not religious or have ever been in a church in my life except for once cause it was great friend/customer I've known for so long and his life was taken away so early.
2006-09-10 21:25:37 · answer #7 · answered by J0506 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She should press charges. If he did it once he could do it again and it's not fair to risk it if she has kids. You should encourage her to do it at least for her kids's sake.
2006-09-11 00:20:25 · answer #8 · answered by MJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And women say men are dumb......Why would anyone, man or woman, allow someone to treat them like that and not do anything about it. If it happens again, and she does nothing, let her continue to be ignorant. PEACE
2006-09-10 22:51:50 · answer #9 · answered by B-rad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can do but be there for her and her kiddos....The state your in must not arrest people for domestic violent like here, in California they don't care if she wanted to press charges they would do it for her....
2006-09-10 21:36:30 · answer #10 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋