i broke up with my lover (virtual, but very strong mutial feelings) for being back to my family - i'm married and managed this affair after my hubby's back. pls, don't begin with moral subject - i understand very well what i did. happily my husband doen't know about this another man (we were almost 2 years). when i "returned home" (mentally, cause i never left physically) i found there same loving and caring husband. i know it sounds weird. but I have so strong need in love, only with love i could be happy. and my husband is not avaliable for these strong feelings that i expect from my partner. he is very good man, smart, honest, attractive, never cheated.. etc . i'm trying hard to be back to him really, not formally, i want to feel more than symphaty and friendship...and i can't. he is kind of "good guy", he doesn't feel comfortable with being romantic and show his feelings, etc. shortly, he is really the best, but he has not this "component" that i need so badly.
2006-09-10 21:18:16 · 16 answers · asked by Angie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
what can i do? affair is not a decidion - i broke with man who i loved dearly for not being in another affair. i too respect my husband and love him, even if it sounds weird. i feel lost
2006-09-10 21:20:47 · update #1
... guys... thanks for your comments. no, divorce is not desidion too. he (husband) is really the best partner that i could dare. and it's not only at my side but he needs me too. we are very connected. mb too much connected that makes no stress between us. each one who happily married for many years knows this problem. Our volume never was the same, but we sucsessed to keep balance. yes, i can't change him, and don't think that i want to change him - he is real man. but what to do with myself ? cooling down, and cooling down, and cooling down again... it comes to explosure once :-(
2006-09-10 21:45:20 · update #2
u got to come clean, honestly . tell him the void that drove u to this situation, yes he need to be more romantic but doesn't negate your unfaithfulness. show him u mean business, sell the computer, get off line & go out with him more, have a holiday together, helps to get yrself out of temptation from the cyber affair & rekindle the flame with yr husband, second honeymoon does wonder. there is no easy solution , but i hope this is of some help & non-baise. peace, lady
2006-09-10 21:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, i am a little younger to asnwer your question, i'm 25. But my idea is that: You cheat on your husband because you do not love your husband anymore, or because you love your lover more than loving your husband? There's difference here.
If you cheat because you do not love your husband, then give yourself a break, have a little time off and search inside you to see your truly feeling, no need to involve the lover here. It's worth a try, after all, it's your life. If you love your lover more than your husband, then how sure are you about it? How sure you are if it's worthy to loose the other man you married? Try, by spend some time with your lover, also, during a break of your marriage, no need for your husband to know that you will be with the lover. Spend time with your lover, family life is far much less romantic and rosy than a secret affair. You will know your love for your lover is worthy or not, if he wants to move in with you, or be with you, or take care of you. Remember, you are the one who paying higher price in this affair. if you dare not, by any reasons,to venture into this expriment, then, hey, be faithful to your husband. It'd save you lots of energy and headaches. good luck.
2006-09-10 21:38:43 · answer #2 · answered by hoang anh 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So why did you go back to your wonderful and immaculate hubby in the first place? You're not comfortable with him because he's not romantic and you cheated on him for 2 years yet you chose to go back to him in anticipation of what? that he'll be romantic and will make hot and passionate love to you? Get a divorce and find a suitable companion for yourself. It's not fair to have cheated on the man and to cheat on him once more because of his lack of romanticism. Sorry, no moralizing but that's the way it is.
2006-09-10 21:26:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to come clean about everything, yes even the affairs.
Then just tell him how you really feel- about him, about your needs, etc.
It'll be a turn for the best either way- it's better than living in denial and deceit with the one you care for. While I understand that it's hard to let go of certain things and you need to keep certain things to yourself inorder to not lose him but you have to make a decision because it's only yours and people only get married for trust and fidelity - not solely love.
2006-09-11 02:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by yasiru89 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your husband have a good relationship... you could talk to him about it.
But I think since you really love your husband and he doesnt have many romantic skills....why dont you try some new approaches with him.
Wake him up to something new about you.
Dress up and look nice around the house, take up a hobby that brings you two closer together....Make dates with him. Think of yourself as his 'girlfriend' instead of his wife...think of those things that you might do...or better yet...think of some things some other girl might do for him to please him that you arent doing. Become his lover dear. Wake up his romantic side! Good luck.
2006-09-10 21:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
nothing you can do, your husband doesn't sound like the kind that wants to change to suit you...
sounds like divorce might be your only option and look for someone else who will give you that "component".. or ask your husband for an open marriage, so you can get your "component" from someone else without worrying about cheating...
or explain all your pain to your husband and see what happens...
2006-09-10 21:36:27 · answer #6 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i dun agree w u tat he is a good man! If he is tat good, he wont even b having an affair w a married woman! I think u r just blind by him....mayb yr hubby hv nt given u enough attendtion! Ask yrslf...who u wan to b with? If the ans is yr hubby then u better stop all these "nonsense" b4 he find out! If tat man is who u wan to b with hv a "clear" gd bye w yr hubby...it nt fair to both men on wat u r doing.
2006-09-10 21:25:23 · answer #7 · answered by D@ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as your strong component is not full filled the marriage cannot stay set and will break at any point of time .
2006-09-10 21:23:10 · answer #8 · answered by ssmindia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok won't start with the moral issues I will just hack on the grammar, OMG that was brutal. That said if you are just staying with your husband just because he is your husband and not because you love him, then it is time for you to be honest with him and move on.
2006-09-10 21:23:18 · answer #9 · answered by road_dawg_style 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i suspect that the affair u had was driven out of ur desire for someone who appreciates u and talk to u and is already over.
try to adjust with ur partner as he is like other men, hardly expresing but they love u a lot.
2006-09-10 22:06:54 · answer #10 · answered by Kumar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋