How can I assertively answer an email sent by a friend of mine in the following scenario:?

Question

My friend emailed me to say that she thinks I need to be less guarded with people. I personally don't think it's any of her business how I am with anyone and I want to assertively respond to her. How should I do so? I don't always feel I want to let down my guard.

Answer 1

you don't have to change for anybody,and if she doesn't like hwo u are than u can't say shes youre friend.friends don't ask you why u are how u are,they are just youre friends.
of course if u want to let the guard down it's ok if that make's you feel better.follow youre instinct and stay you

Answer 2

First, you are right to respond assertively to her, and I give you credit for wanting to tell you in the best possible way.

Next, you have a right to keep your guard up or down or any place you feel comfortable.

To explain to her... if you want to keep the friendship and still be clear and diplomatic, here is a statement that you can use some variation to be sure that it sounds authentic to you:

"Dear Friend,
I received your email about my 'guardedness'.
I am perplexed as to why this would be an issue that would concern you. I need to be true to myself, and this is a very personal style of being to maintain my own comfort with people. I don't find it unusual or worth criticism.

I know that you must want to be helpful with your feedback, and if that is the case, I appreciate your intent. However I will always be who I am, and I simply hope that you accept this for the sake of our friendship."

Signed...

Answer 3

Before you answer assertively, remember that this is your friend. If you are really close, consider that she may know what she's talking about and if she's wrong, she said it because she cared. The purpose of friends is to be honest with each other. She thought she was giving an honest opinion and you should answer her the same way- just like you told us here. There's no need to add extra spices to it.

Answer 4

You're right....its good to have your guard up all the time. You get more respect that way. But its important not to come across as aloof either....thats when you push nice people away and not get to know half the nice people you could have.

Find out what your friend actually means. Maybe she is saying something for your good, relating to a particular incident? Take it in a positive way. Tell her why you are the way you are, and get talking! Its always good to have positive criticism :)

Answer 5

Depends how she said it really. If it is well intentioned because she cares tell her you appreciate her concern but really is no need and you have your own reasons for the way you choose to interact with people. If there is anything bitchy about it then still maintain your dignity but maybe say much the same and also that you don't choose to make comment on her so would like the same degree of respect or some such thing. Just to firm....

Answer 6

E-mail is a medium in which people say too much, get too brave, get too personal etc because they aren't face to face. I think you should respond to her saying that you don't think such personal matters can benefit from e-mail discussion but that, of course, you are interested in her views and that you would like to discuss the matter with her when you next meet up. But you probably don't want to do that - so I would just ignore her comment - and not start an e-mail game of "ping pong" which risks deteriorating into a fight and loss of a friend.

Answer 7

Is this a real friend? If so why did she email this to you and not call you up or meet you for a drink? Some people take pleasure in being condescending, it sounds like your friend is one of them. How dare they? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being guarded if that is what makes you feel comfortable. I would reply by saying, "I do not want to fall out with you over your comments to me but I want you to know that I disagree with you and know not why you felt the need to attack my personality in such a way. I would suggest that you exercise a little more guard in the way you express yourself, or do you just not care that you have insulted me in a completely insensitive way? I would like to talk to you another time about this but I just wanted to reply and let you know how disappointed I am that a friend considers me to be overly guarded. Perhaps you would like to get in touch with me and we can talk about it."

Answer 8

You were fairly assertive in the way you asked the question. Just thank her for he concern but point out that it really is no-ones business but your own. Then go on to chat about something else, making it seem that you are not too worried about what she said.

Answer 9

think about what she said. she is probley just looking out for you and trying to help you be a better person. for example my friend asked me to point out when she is contradicting (doing or saying something then doing the opposite) herself.

try it for a day. try being less guarded. try and be more outgoing, and open to new friendships and meeting new people. if it is uncomfortable for you and you feel awkard trying to be more outgoing then just email her back saying "How can I be less guarded with people? I tried being more outgoing but felt awkard so i don't think being outgoing is for me"

if, after trying being more open, you feel easier about yourself and are determined to keep trying then email your friend and say something like "thanks I didn't realise i was being guarded with people. thankyou for not saying it in an accusing way. i appreciate it."

hope dis helps!

Answer 10

Well it appears that now is the time to be less guarded. Answer her and say that you are the way you are and don't feel that it's her business to advise you.