my bf and I have been together 2 1/2 yrs we moved in together 8 mos ago and everything went downhill quickly. I moved out 8 wks ago and have been living in "limbo" until this past weekend when I finally found a place to move into. We agreed to stay committed and try to work things out. We both have children from previous marriages, which further complicates the situation. Needless to say he has become very distant and cold. He makes little effort to call me or make time for us. He says I am emotionally unstable because I cry all the time. I love him and he says he loves me but his actions say otherwise. I feel like he is letting me down easy to ease his own guilt. He says everything is my fault he is always right and I am always wrong and lately he finds something wrong about everything I say or do. I have made positive changes to progress with our relationship and all he does is point out what I am not doing right with no credit for my efforts. He won't admit its over- why not
2006-09-10 19:40:27 · 13 answers · asked by Missy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I forgot to mention that we are still sleeping together when are children are with the other parent which is 3 days a week. Again he has been calling the shots and is resuming his life back to how it was before me. He keeps telling me he is waiting for me to become stable both financially and emotionally and until then "we" can't progress. I am not unstable I am just feeling my feelings and I am capable of financially taking care of myself, so he is just making excuses as I suspected. I want him to be honest and I want him to acknowledge his part in the problems we have but he won't. I am solely responsible for the way things are. Tonight was very difficult and when he called me he treated me terrible. He told me I didn't communicate changes in my day to him the way I should have and I blew him off which was untrue. I was sure he would be compassionate and concerned and it was dead opposite. He turned his phone off and left me upset and hurt. He wouldn't even try to talk to me.
2006-09-10 20:00:43 · update #1
From what you are saying the problem is not you, but him. Someone whom is overcritical in a relationship many times is trying to make up for their sense of lack of power in the fact that they are unable to correct whatever it is that is making them unhappy. It is abusive, and takes its toll on both parties. Possibly he is upset because he had certain expectations when you guys moved in together, and for whatever reason those expectations were not fulfilled, not being able to take any responsibility, this person is putting all the blame on you.
There is nothing wrong with being emotional, it is something that make you who you are... you could be cold as ice.. and then he would call you cold.. there is no winning... the only thing you can do is let him sort out whatever it is that is creating his unhappiness, and then let him get back to you......
In the meanwhile.. try and enjoy life.. :-)
2006-09-11 03:07:42 · answer #1 · answered by ME 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is important is what you want right now. Do you want to stay? knowing that he is constantly looking for excuses to start arguments. You have moved from the situation so it is not that hard to sever the ties that still bind you to him. I understand that there are children involved and that is what you need to think about. Having children watch this mess unfold with the constant arguing and bitterness from your partner is not a healthy mindset. Sometimes it is easier to stay and put up with the bad because its a lifestyle you become accustomed to the friends, inlaws comfort etc. I think you know in your heart that this isn't going to work out and its just a matter of telling him. You and your children deserve happiness and a partner that will make all of you happy. Life is too short to stay trapped in a loveless relationship.
2006-09-10 19:48:02 · answer #2 · answered by gypsywife2b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have given him all the power by leaving the decision making to him. You should do what is best for you and by the sound of it you already know what that is. Don't let this guy walk all over you - he knows he has you wrapped around his little finger. Tell him that the decisions about the "we" in the relationship are no longer his because there is no "we." You have already been living your own life without him and you're coping - say goodbye and walk away with your head held high, knowing that you were the one that decided!
2006-09-10 20:39:40 · answer #3 · answered by jbabee22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blaming for who's fault is - is way to fight with no score at all. No forgiveness and understanding is way to the hell. I don't know why people are so stupid and not mature or realistic.
You communicate and do for each other or if there still some love bring it back for good for your child and for botch of you.
Life is beautifully craziest and personal vendetta can ruin everybody.
2006-09-10 19:53:17 · answer #4 · answered by Toto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
reread what u wrote and think about it. is it worth complaining about? his action is telling u to move on and it seems pretty clear. i know it's difficult but do u really want to be in a relationship so confusing? love yourself and your kids. your main priority should be your kids. so stop focusing on what the hell is wrong with this guy and enjoy your only loves your Kids! this guy just don't know what he wants just yet and feel he need some time. the bast way to see if you guys are ment to for each other is to stop talking and seeing each other for a while. cut yourself out completly and enjoy your life wile you can.
2006-09-10 19:56:07 · answer #5 · answered by ooh la la 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about your children? To me they should come first. How is this effecting them? If it's effecting them badly then you need to end it. Don't wait on him. If he loves you then there should be no blame coming from him onto you. it sounds to me all he can do is put you down, and he likes it. That's probably why he won't end it. Think about your kids tho. And don't let any man put you down or blame you for anything that isn't your fault!!!!!!!!! Good luck!
2006-09-10 19:43:55 · answer #6 · answered by suagr_britches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not healthy...move on... He's not all right and you're not all wrong...but do you want to waste your precious life figuring out what belongs to who. Save yourself before it is too late.
2006-09-10 19:45:05 · answer #7 · answered by LUCKY3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you are stupid but you are too attached to a man who doesn't respect and love you. you need to let this man go he sounds like he is destroying your soul. you need to spend your time and energy on your children and focus on their needs. give yourself time to heal and try to learn more about yourself. you have said that you made positive changes so continue to make htem. but do it for you and your children. it sounds like this relationship is definitely over. good luck.
2006-09-10 19:44:24 · answer #8 · answered by burn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you still having sex with him? if yes that's your answer you are a guaranteed lay...if not it's over in every case restart living...remove him from you mind and your life you deserve much better ...
2006-09-10 19:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by chiefof nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him,move on to someone else.
He sounds confused
2006-09-10 19:42:02 · answer #10 · answered by Zero Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋