if a dad has had no contact with his children for 3 yrs.do those children have to see them if he calls?

Question

his child support is being garnished, but he hasn't called or seen them in over 3 yrs. they don't want to see him if he just decides one day he wants to see them..we are in oklahoma now and he is still in tennessee...they are 9 and 10

Answer 1

I would let them decide. Tell them their dad wants to see them (not to expect much but he is their dad) How freaking sad for you to watch them go through that!

Answer 2

I know the feeling. I have had a on and off relationship with my biological father. mom divorced when I was two. I saw him regularly until I was about 8. Then he moved away and didn't tell me. I ran into him again when I was about 10, it was very awkward. I almost didn't recognize him and it freaked me out. Then I didn't see him again until I was about 12, when my stepfather adopted me. He then attempted contact when I was about 17, I didn't talk to him. And finally about five years ago, when I was married and had a baby, ( I was about 21). Haven't heard from him since.
It very hard for kids to have a relationship with a father like that. If they don't want to see him that is their choice. They shouldn't have to wait for it to be convenient for him. If they are not that important to him, than they have every right to not want anything to do with him. He is a deadbeat and they are better off without him. I hope you have or can find a man that will be a good father figure to them. They will need it at this age, escpecially if they are boys!!

Divorce is hard on kids, especially when dad is worthless.

Answer 3

Not unless he goes to get a court order. Is he a bad person, if he's not you may want to encourage your kids to see him so they aren't emotionally scared later in life. They will feel anger and resentment because thier dad didn't want them. also try not to bad mouth him to them or they could resent you later in life if he does come back around and they see him as a O.K guy. They could blame you for not letting them have a relationship with him! Kids need love from both parents to grow up secure and emotionally sound, unless there are circumstances of abuse I would encourage some contact. Try not to let your feelings dictate thier feelings. Remember a woman can have many loves throughout her life but a child only has 1 father. Good Luck!

Answer 4

IF? is the key word.. unfortunately if he wants to see them unless u get a court to say other wise, unfortunately u have to.. Childsupport and Visitation are 2 seperate things from each other, even if he wasnt paying childsupport he still has a right to see his kids.. and any judge will tell u that.. but if he hasnt had any contact with them after 3 years i wouldnt worry about it , till he gives u a reason to worry about it.. but since its been so long i wouldnt keep the kids from him, but id set up the rules..such as.. "u can see them "WE" will meet u at such and such park..and u can visit with them from such and such time till such and such time" .. (yep that means he'd have to do IN STATE visitations) and if he doesnt like it.. then he can take u to court.. any reasonable judge would see ur not hindering his right to see the kids, but trying to handle it the best way for your kids, and leaving to go out of state right away after zero contact would only be scarey for ur kids, they need to know him again before that happens.. after 3 years he needs to slowly build up a relationship back with him.. to them he's just a stranger now.. but after 3 years of no contact.. i wouldnt worry .. doubtful he'll want to come back..

Answer 5

SO is he trying to gain visitation now? If he does consult a solicitor. He has rights and 9 and 10 year olds don't get to choose but since his time away has been so long he probably will just get supervised visitation.... If he hasn't called great.

Answer 6

The choice is the childrens unltimatly.If they dont want ot see him then they need to tell him that. Obviously that is going to be traumatic.
How ever you as ther mother have to remain impartial as kids change their minds so quickly.
I had a rotten relationship with my dad after my parents went their separate ways... Howevr now I couldent be on better terms with him. I mostly blame my mother as she was always bad mouthing him.

Answer 7

you are better off going through the proper channels to figure this out.. Family court can decide leagally what rights each side has, however ethically.. the children shouldnt be forced to do anything they do not want to... but if you are their mother.. you should ALWAYS do everything you can to foster a good relationship between your children and their father. Unless he is abusive or dangerous you should encourage their relationship. You will never regret trying to better it, but if you try to hinder it, you and your children will one day regret it...

Answer 8

from personal experiene me being a dad and all
the kids being 7&6 when they saw him last will rember him well
but three years in kid terms is like three weeks in ours
it shouldnt affect them much but it will affect u a lot seeing everything depends on your decisions
try to think clearly and rationaly without draging to much emotion
into it 3years can change a man a lot (or not) you know him pretty well i should think kids first u second all others alongway back in third stay in control slow and steady

best wishes les

Answer 9

How sad i would let them know that there could be a chance that their dad may ring and ask to see them they will let you know then if they want to see him and when he does ring and they do want to see him just make shore that you go with them for the first time just so they know your are their for them

Answer 10

It is difficult to deal with a man who only takes care of his children because he is being forced. That said, unless he was abusive (and sometimes even then), no one has the right to tell a father that he cannot see his children for two reasons. One, he is and always will be their father. He is wrong for not always being there for them but you never know when the man has changed or what is going on in his head. As long as he is not hurting them, if he calls, give the children the phone. If they refuse to talk to him that's up to the children, but let *them* make that choice. Everyone needs room to repent. It is his loss that he is not in contact with his children but you never know what small joy they may receive from knowing at least he called even if they don't want to talk to him. They may need the satisfaction of rejecting him in return.

Another reason is this- no matter how justified you are. No matter what you tell them that he did to you, when they are older they may resent you for not giving them free access to their father. You don't ever want to have to answer to your children on this matter- it will hurt you more in the end if they blame you for his lack of presence. You will want to be able to say 'I never stopped him from doing anything. He could pick up the phone whenever he wanted to but he just didnt' do it.'

It is not in anyone's best interests that you prevent him from contacting the children- not for you, not for them, or even for him. 1) They are still his children- yes he may be negligent but let him speak to them when he does call. He needs the opportunity to create a relationship with them. 2) That is still their father- even if they want the satisfaction of hanging up in his face- *give them that choice*. Children always want/need their biological mothers and fathers no matter what they did or didn't do. If only to ask them- why weren't you there for me! 3) You don't ever want to face the resentment of your children. It will sting you even more knowing that he wasn't there for them of his own accord, yet they blame you. Take all blame away from you and it will be only on him for what he did and did not do because you didn't interfere.