i am 23 and currently in a 5 year relationship (hittin' 6 in a couple of months). It is serious as u would expect for a 5 year relationship. We have talked about marriage (but nothing too serious) and we both kinda decide to wait it out til' I at least finish my degree (which is in another 2 years time). But the thing is he is my first boyfriend & i haven't been with anyone besides him. And i often find myself fantasising/desiring someone else. I feel stuck in this relationship. Our parents/family/friends are all expecting us to get married soon-ish. And i cannot imagine telling him this. It would break his heart. I feel like i'm doomed to continue on this relationship. I guess doomed is a rather exxagerated word to use..but i really do feel that way. He treats me good..he even brought me a brand new car recently & I feel obliged to stay in this relationship. i'm scared that if i do break up with him i will never find someone as good as him..or even someone at all.
2006-09-10 19:18:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
,Claire unlike your car your not a gift to him if you have grave doubts then its better for all concerned if you take some me time and see how you feel about others after all marriage will be forever and to be trapped in a relationship that you don't enjoy will surly hurt your guy a lot more further down the road . yes everyone will be angry and that is none of your concern though this is about you and your partner an obligation is a debt and love isn't a currency you pay off , its you and your partner, are you prepared to give yourself to him and never look back . Its better to hurt him a little and be sure than to marry him only to leave him later on because he isn't the one . Its never 100% covered but a little doubt can grow and fester into an overwhelming dislike of the one you love . talk to him tell him about your doubts he may want to give you the time you need to be sure , on the other hand he might see it as a slap in the face , It is the risk you take after all if he loves you he might be prepared to forgive and take you back in the case that you discover he was prince charming all along.
2006-09-10 19:36:11 · answer #1 · answered by slick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if ur not happy then ur not happy n should not be there.
but u could be losing the best thing 2 ever happen 2 u. or u could end up meeting someone better its a crap shoot hun n Im not gonna lie.
ur not missing much in the sex department because sex is always better the longer u know a person n have a strong connection with them.
ur not missing much in the dating realm either most single people i know r frustrated n miserable when u ask them about there love life lol.
but u cannot stay in a relationship that ur not happy n even if he is a great guy. because u have 2 be able 2 live with it n if u have this feeling of doom then yeah ur not gonna have a happy relationship.
how about this before u make any grand decisions, find a councelor n go have a chat they will help u get 2 the root of things n find a solid anwer 4 u that is all urs n will work 4 u.
good luck n take a deep breathe hun ur stressing urself out n the only things that should be stressing u right now is school not men.
2006-09-11 02:24:45 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Geo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a dilemma faced by many young people who feel like 'stuck' in a serious relationship because of obligations. Obviously you started this serious relationship with your b/f when you were just 18 yrs old even before you entered college. You did'nt have the opportunities of mixing around and getting to know more people, especially boys/young men. And because of obligations you project yourself to be happy in the current relationship with your b/f. But deep down your heart you are resisting temptations and feel quite 'lost'. This could become quite a serious threat in the future unless you can tackle it well now. There are only two things you can do now. Think for yourself what kind of a person you are. Are you the soft natured and always want to please others? Do you think obligations play a big part in a relationship? If you are the soft type and do not want to hurt other people, then by all means you should pray really hard to resist your desires and temptations. Otherwise you could end up hurting not only your b/f but also a lot of other people in your life. But if you are the hard type (or you could become one), care for your happiness first and do not want other people running your life, then deeply rethink your relationship with your b/f and have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him you are not ready for marriage, probably for another 5 yrs. Tell him you want to focus on your career. Make sure you release him from all obligations for you and encourage him to move on and find new relationships. Both of you can agree for some kind of a 'voluntary separation'. Of course he will be hurt a while but you should be tactful not to suddenly 'chase' him out of your life. Make him understand that you want to be 'free' for a while but you still want to be friends with him. Over time you both can find new friends/companions.
2006-09-11 03:02:35 · answer #3 · answered by yuvan53 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately fear is something that can hinder you. The truth is that not being honest you can hurt him more. You should be honest with him and let him know you have doubts. If you are feeling "trapped" I would have to say you shouldn't be there. So many people do things day after to day because it is what is expected of them. Just ask yourself is doing what is expected in this relationship worth you losing yourself? losing your possibility at happiness ? and even more how happy can you make him being miserable?
Be honest share your thoughts with him, but remember two important facts: The grass always looks greener on the other side and You never miss a good thing until it's gone.
I wish you the best!
2006-09-11 02:19:44 · answer #4 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a serious dilemma. you do have the proverbial bird in the hand...but temptation is a strong draw on many levels..you are already feeling deprived and if not now sometime down the line you will act on that unknown piece of your life...what a different man would be for or to you...my ex-wife had those same thoughts questions...she fell into the doubt and experimented with other men..notice MEN ..it chewed on her so long and so powerfully it cost us a 8 yrs marriage with our 3 kids..If the need and your thoughts about it are so strong ..it is better to act on it before there are others that will be hurt by your actions...try explaining your predicament with your man he might just be having similar feelings...might also be understanding and supportive ...you just won't know until you bring the situation out in the open...whatever happens good luck and resolve it soon...
2006-09-11 02:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by chiefof nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in this situation. (well kind of). I explored other interests. This was over 13 years ago and I've been regretting it for a few years now.
I've heard in marriage there are times that you wonder why you are with him. You stay because you do. You need to be committed to him or not. Just, If you decide to go be honest with him. Don't explore and string him along. I was honest we at least stayed friends and I'm thankful for that.
Sorry, I'm rambling
My best advice is if you trust him, and it makes you sick to your stomach to think of him with someone else. Then stay.
2006-09-11 02:28:02 · answer #6 · answered by Alice W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually what really you want lady!
You got a good bf.. you admit so. So whats the problem. If you think you both lost the spark so go find it.. you just need some refresher course thats all!!!
2006-09-11 02:23:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u r gona b 1 miserable loner,and.... i had a friend [girl]whoe was in perfect relation ship like u with her 1st bf.so she went after another lil gud luking better apid job guy.married him 4 six months and now divorced. trying to get back with her first luv.but now he is messed up.dont want her back and i knew from begning she is gona be cuming back to her bf.so.... go figures
2006-09-11 02:25:20 · answer #8 · answered by sanJose_Guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You better think about this. Don't do anything that you may end of regretting later on..
2006-09-11 02:23:42 · answer #9 · answered by Mechelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lady we humans strive for the best and yet at the same start considering our blessings as our divine right....be thank ful for what you have and be content........
2006-09-11 02:20:35 · answer #10 · answered by uknownotlove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋