I Am Feeling REALLY Depressed Now...?

Question

Ealier today my father reminded me of a day almost a year ago...


My friend Jonathan and I had been friends since I was 13, and he was 14, I fell in love with him when I was 14, but I never admitted it to myself until two months after I was 17.

Last year just a week after my 17 birthday Jonathan "came out", and my father upset him, and I did not say anything to him out of fear (pure terror actually). I lost my friend because of that. I wish I had of told him I was too scared of my father to stick up for him, then maybe he would still be around.

I hate being reminded of that day, that was the first time I realised I was too weak to stand up to my own father, the day I lost the greatest person in my life, and the day I found out what pain really was... I really miss him... Even though I see him around town about once every other month since he lives near by...

Answer 1

you could try calling him and telling him your sorry for that... it takes a lot of courage to stand up to your father... really, i know too... but yah, try calling him

Answer 2

It's hard to stand up to your parents sometimes, but it's nothing worth getting really depressed about. If you're 18 now, I would imagine that it means you'll be out of your Dad's house either for school or just to start your life soon. I know that once you're out of his house, you'll feel more adult and less afraid of standing up to him.

One thing you didn't mention is whether or not you've come out to him yourself? If you haven't, then maybe this is the time. It might just show your father that you're growing up, and maybe he'll teach you more like an adult, thereby giving you more confidence to let him know how you felt about his treatment of his friend. Don't be confrontational, just calmly sit down with him and expllain the situation. If you can have your Mom or a sibling there with you, that would probably help too.

When that's said and done, maybe you can reconnect with your friend, letting him know exactly what you said here. I'm sure that if you were THAT good of friends, he will be able to forgive you.

Good luck and be safe.

Answer 3

Snap out of it man, Life is full of these experiences, they are what makes us smarter adults. It's never too late to make up for the mistakes we make along the journey through life. Man if you still see Jonathon around then chat to him and apologize to him for what your Dad said and for you not sticking up for him at the time.And remember it's just too difficult to discuss gay feelings with most parents especially Dads, because they are concerned about what other People think and they didn't learn things along the way like you have. Don't you think you know more about gays than your Dad, man that's life, I hope you will be a better father than your Dad. Call Jonathon and tell him what you want him to know about you. You don't have to come out to your Dad or anyone else for that matter unless you want to. But make sure you have ground rules for your life and don't just go blindly along, if you gonna tell your Dad then rehearse what you gonna do and say. Man, you sound very mature for your age and I'm sure you will cope so don't ever get depressed, do something about the problem first. And please meet Jonathan and fix up the problem cause he is most likely just as depressed as you, so you will fix 2 lives up at once. Good luck and I sincerely hope you sort it out, let me know by email. I feel for you, I really do

Answer 4

You have already suffered for one year. Give yourself a present and talk to your friend about this. You dont have to say to him right off the bat you ar ein love with him, but tell him you are sorry about not standing up to your father to defend him. I had a friend who did not stand up to defend me from her boyfriend made a racist remark and soaked me wet with a dirty rag at a party! 5 years later she talked to me and apologized. It has been 7 years since then and we are still friends. To be honest, I know she lacks the strength to be the kind of friend that would be a crusader for others...and I accept her with her flaws...but i think she got the message that I will not put up with crap either... It also helped her realize what qualities she needed to look for in a mate and now she is married to a really nice guy. Tell your friend you are sorry about what happened, and that you wish you could turn time back but you cant but you promise in the future to be there for him 100% and tell him what you have learned from this experience. Tell him how sad you have been this whole year and that you hope he gives you another chance...
You will regret not having tried to repair the friendship if something happens to him. Life is very short. And who knows, he may turn out to be the love of your life, but "baby steps...baby steps..."

Answer 5

I know how that is, when I was 14 I was in the closet and my best friend of 3 years that I had feelings for came out of the closet. When my family found out specifically my grandmother, They told her that she was no longer allowed to hang out with me or come to my home. I was to afraid to speak up for her. I was afraid my father would have hit me and grandmother would have disowned me. I have not talked to her since that day and I wish I had, 2 years ago she died when a drunk driver hit her. I think you should call him and explain to him how you were feeling and that you are sorry. I truly wish the best for you and hope whatever you decide works out.

Sincerely,
Adrienne

Answer 6

Shane,
That sucks! You have been challenged and you think you've failed! I don't condemn you Shane. We all have things we have to learn, and grow from.

Know this, if he loves you, he will forgive you, and you be sure to keep yourself in check too. It would be human nature to start to blame someone else out of resentment. So keep an eye on that.

Love eachother. This is the part of love that is called longsuffering. You are not cheapened by this incident. You are given the opportunity to grow.

This depression will go away Shane. Tomorrow, the sun will rise, the birds will sing, and all wounds will begin to heal. If this is the worst thing you have to face in life, you are lucky.

Chin up!

Answer 7

Friends vs family. Difficult.

If he is a fair and decent person, then surely he could understand that you were not ready to come out to your father at that time.
Maybe he has some reason to be upset that you did not defend him as a 'friend' rather than as another gay person, but .... - You still have to deal with your family, and blood is thicker than water.

It depends HOW unpleasant your father was about his orientation.

I rmember at my wedding I had to inform my uncle that if he could not promise to behave and not be offensive to my gay friends (he could even ignore them if he wanted to), then he would not be invited.

Im not sure he ever really forgave me - but he DID keep his mouth shut - granted being 210 Ibs may have helped!

(I also told THEM to just keep their behaviour/dress to a level which would not aatract too much attention.)

Answer 8

One thing to remember is no matter what you do what you are, Dads will always forgive and still love you. It is hard for them as when they were young it was frowned upon to be as they used to say a pansy. God when I was in the forces if they found out you were gay you were out.
Now even the forces allow gays in and they can get married quarters, just the same as a man and wife. So if you love this guy go for him, contact him and things will sort out. time is a great healer

Answer 9

Hey love is more important than anything else on this planet. Go there now and knock on his door. Whats the worse thing that can happen - could you feel worse than you do now? Even if you dont fancy him now and vice versa, you have potential to be friends again, and who knows where that might lead? You need the support of a like-minded person to get you to where you need to be...Good luck!!

Answer 10

Shane, (to be brutally honest) snap out of it. You have the chance to put things right as you see the guy. There are plenty of us who can say we have missed opportunities, but not as many who can say we have the chance to put those things right. So, do it at the first possible opportunity, if you truly want to put things right. I know it's difficult and you might even hear some home truths that make things a bit uncomfortable, but (to coin a phrase) sieze the bull by his horns or this opportunity to put something right might pass you by.

Answer 11

NO more depression dear! no more! Think of it! it's a choice you make for the course of all your life! Are you going to stick to your family, to your father, whose only virtue in your eyes seems to be that he is strong in the physycal sense, are you going to stick to the omnipotent body chemistry of your kin, or
you are going to be free individual, reasonable enough to make his own choice, to create his own personality, to live free, against the grain, for there is no use living a life that is not yours!!!
NO VIRTUE IN LIVING A LIFE THAT IS NOT YOURS!
But please don't be depressed, depression is not the solution, nor is suicide (though i know, i have experience with people who think it is, PLEASE DON'T THINK OF IT!)
Truly, your depression, or your unexpected death (please don't) may make your father think of it, but at the cost of everything you have, which mean that your victory is Phyr's!
You can instead win your victory by coming out, saying your father everything and leaving him! Do it! Wait for the moment when you can, and do it! And tell your friend you were weak but would change!
sorry if my answer is too emotional, your situation really moved me, because many people like you...