Do any other bi's , hate that they are bi?

Question

Im a bi woman - and hate that about myself . I feel like...I wish I could just decide and grow out of this indecision...then other times I feel as though its natural and Im the way that everyone should be - non-discrimatory. I wish once and for all I could just tell ple that Im straight or gay. And gay woman dont like to date bi's and although men say they're turned on by bi's , when actually in a relationship with one they think that i am having sex with EVERYONE! (every man and woman I come into contact with) and just become super jealous, or want me to have group sex with them - which Im not that into.. Are there any bi woman out there that can relate, and do bi men have similar experiences?

Answer 1

I posted a thread dealing with some of these same issues. There are invisible hierarchies of priviledge even in queer communities. Some queer people are still oppressing the identities of others. I am deeply troubled by this and it inspires a lot sorrow in me.

I study human social patterns as well as cutting edge queer theory and gender theory. I have a gender education group called Gender Schmender and our main theme is Identity Liberation. Trust me, it isn't just a group about gender ^_~

If you're interested, ya just might find a home and a welcoming community waiting for you at GS no matter how you identify, whether as a heterosexual, a bi/omnisexual, a homosexual, or any other kind of sexual or nonsexual.

First thing is first, breathe. There are enough people out there trying to invalidate your identity without you helping them. No one, not a single person can tell you who you are without your permission, even if it feels like their opinions live in your body.

My sincerest best wishes are with you, as well as my invitation to join the Gender Schmender community.

links are listed below.

-Gabriel

Answer 2

I know how you feel, but I don't hate it. I love and accept myself so self hate doesn't live where I do.

You want to 'fit' in a gay or straight world, but being bi isn't a decision anymore than being gay or straight is. Being bi is who you are!

Many gay and straight people think that being bi is a cop out (whew - hope you are old enough to know that blast from the past) and a choice that people make; the same people who know in their hearts that they didn't choose to be gay or straight. But when it comes to the bi question they forget all about what they know to be true of themselves.

And remember - you don't have to explain yourself to ANYBODY. If someone asks 'what' you 'are' just smile and say, "Why would you ask such a personal question?"

Just put their question right back on their plate and leave it there.

Answer 3

I spent most of my school years hating that I was bi. I felt like a freak, wondering why I couldn't be normal. Now, what seems to be too late to me, I love it. Sure it's tough when your with someone and they're thinking that your looking at her AND him, but it's not that much different to if you were either straight or gay. You still have the same problems with relationships as far as trust goes.
Although the group sex thing is a real turn on for me, providing it's one guy, one chicky and me.
;)

Answer 4

antibim,
You got it. I hate it too. I want to be with a woman, but I know that I look at men too. So I'm screwed. That's unless I get a woman that either doesn't mind it, or is too weak emotionally to bring it up. I don't like the sound of that either!

So I'm just not having sex. That's it. Everybody thinks that I am weird anyway, so they can think that I am leading a double -life, I don't care. I would rather be innocent of what I am being accused of, than living up to the reputaion and dealing with what I go through emotionally on top of that.

Answer 5

Bisexuality is NOT indecision. Indecision is indecision. Bisexuality is genuine sexual and emotional attraction (at whatever varying degrees) for both sexes. You don't HAVE to choose if you don't want to. There's no rule saying you have to "go one way or the other". Sexuality doesn't exist as a black and white system of attraction. There IS gray area, lots of it.

There are a lot of misconceptions out there about bisexual people, and unfortunately they are shared by both heterosexual AND homosexual communities.

Myth 1: Bisexuals are confused or indecisive. Bisexuality is a phase that people go through before they settle on being straight or gay.

That is absolutely NOT true. As I said, there's no rule saying that it HAS to be one absolute or the other. People ARE capable of being truly attracted to both sexes and there's nothing transitory about it. It's like telling people that they can only choose black or white, that they can never prefer a checkerboard. It's ridiculous and unfair.

Myth 2: Bisexual people are selfish and promiscuous. They're only bisexual so that they can have lots of sex with all kinds of people. They can't make long-term relationships work.

Also utterly false. Bisexual people are just as likely to be monogomous as any straight OR gay person. When a straight person gets married, they vow to honor the union between themself and their chosen partner, forsaking all others. Simply because a bisexual person is capable of attraction towards both sexes doesn't mean they can't take the same vow. They forsake all others, male AND female, when they choose a partner they want to stay with for the rest of their life.

Myth 3: If a person is bisexual, they have to love both genders equally.

Not true at all. Bisexuals often are more attracted to one of the two genders while still recognizing their attraction to both. An analogy could be made by comparing preferences for movie genres. If someone likes both Action and Love stories, they needn't like each type equally for both preferences to be valid. One might favor Love over Action but still enjoy both.

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I hope this helps. There are also links you can visit that will provide more in-depth information.

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On a personal note, I told my husband about my sexuality pretty early on when we first started seriously dating. He's open minded, he doesn't get freaked or disgusted or hateful, but he was worried that he wouldn't be enough... that he'd either be dissapointing or that even if he WAS enough of a man, I'd still need a woman. After he proposed, I asked him if he'd ever want to be with another woman. I asked if he'd ever even consider it. He said no, that would be impossible. Now that he's given his heart away, he certainly can't give it to anyone else. I told him that the same goes for me no matter who I'm capable of being attracted to.

Answer 6

dont stress too much about it. you will meet the right person one day - maybe a man, maybe a woman. till then u should just do what feels right. dont worry about what other people think.
if a lesbian doesnt want to be with you coz you are bi, it just means she aint the person for you! im sure u can understand why most lesbians avoid bi women tho - its hard enough meeting the right girl let alone worrying that your partner might leave you for a guy.
my ex gf told me she has a new bf and that she is pretty sure that she is straight now. some people like to experiment. as long as no one gets hurt i think its ok. just be honest with yourself and with your future partners
your avatar is kinda cute, id date ya ;)

Answer 7

No, there's no sense in hating who you really are. If you're bi, you're bi. You can only choose which individuals to be with, you're already attracted to both sexes. You are who you are & you just have to find someone who's right for you.

Anyone who ever played a part, he wouldn't want to turn around and hate it.
-Lou Reed "Sweet Jane"

Answer 8

I'm a gay male and I wish I was bisexual... If you don't accept being gay, you're left lonely. So, I had to accept myself as gay. I have a female friend who wishes I were bisexual too. She's bi herself. lol. You can connect with the best of both worlds, why not enjoy it?

Answer 9

I don't really think the concept of "hate" comes up. It's the idea that because there are two choices, at times no choice or the wrong choice has been made. Fear is the overriding factor in bisexuality, not hate or anger. Fear of being outed. Fear of being rejected by not only your straight friends but your gay ones too. Fear of being labled "odd" by both straight and gay people. Fear of confiding too much in friends, especialy bisexual ones and then being dumped because they fear you know too much about them. It's a vicious cycle that most straight and gay people don't know anything about.

Answer 10

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian instead of being bi. It's like there's a community out there of born-women lesbians that I'm just out of because I'm trans and bi.