Do all couples fight?

Question

My husband and i have been married for just over a year!! Prior to that we were living together and had been dating for about 5yrs before he asked me to marrry him! In the early days we didnt fight at all and then it became occasional. Lately we argue alot and we are both strong minded and determined.. When we fight i get so angry and cry and then he tends to give in.. Im not crying for attention it just hurts soooo much!! At the end of the day were pretty much over it but i cant forget!! Is this normal? and over such petty things?? Is compramise the solution for EVERY argument?? How do i stop myself from getting sooo worked up and having frog eyes for the nxt day?

Answer 1

Yes, it is totally normal to fight, and those who tell you they dont fight are lying, or even worse, not talking about what is really on the persons mind and just seething underneath until one day someone explodes. However, it you are crying every day to the point of crying there may be some other things going on that you guys can work out. Compromise is a part of a relationship, and both need to do it. However, respect is also an important part, and partners need to respect and consider what the other person values or needs are. That is why a good relationship takes alot of effort. I find when I get really angry I need to take a breather, go for a walk, and come back discussing the issue. Make sure you stay ontop of what is bothering you, I sometimes remind myself in my head what the real issue is ....'okay, I really am not mad about his dirty socks, I am just mad that he did not pick up the kids on time'. Hope this helps and good luck

Answer 2

You have learned to manipulate your husband, and that's very dangerous. You may not realise it, but you are deliberately getting yourself so worked up that you cry, because you know it will win the argument. It's not your fault, it may even be something you learned to do with your parents when you were small. But you need to stop doing it right now! Otherwise your husband will get to the point where he walks out on you, because no one likes to be manipulated.

Your husband is contributing to this as well, of course. Maybe it bugs him that he gave in to your last argument, so the next time you ask for something he immediately reacts, thinking "I'm not going to give in this time, whether it's reasonable or not." So you end up in a vicious cycle.

The ideal would be to see a marriage counsellor. If you can't afford that, then at least you need to sit down and talk about this. Pick a time when you're both calm. Tell your husband that you want to stop the cycle of fighting and you don't know how. Ask for his help.

Agree that next time you find yourself starting to argue, you are going to stop. Immediately. Agree a code word which you can use to stop an argument before it starts. Then try discussing why you argue and the kind of things that trigger it off. But do make sure you have that code word in place first, in case the discussion turns into an argument too!

The minute one of you realises a conversation is turning into a fight, use the code word. That's a signal that you both have to take a time out, go somewhere quiet and write down what you're thinking and how you're feeling. When you've managed to calm down, exchange notes and read them quietly. If that makes you mad again, ask for another time out until you're calm.

It may sound time-consuming, but so is an argument and its aftermath. You have developed a bad habit, that's all it is, and you have to break the habit.

Answer 3

It is normal to fight. I think there is something deeper than petty fights. You need to get to the bottom of the fights. Why do the little things annoy you? You have to find out what the reason is. Sit down with your husband and tell him what you are thinking the reason for the fights are. Maybe it's time for a second honeymoon. Someplace where work won't be the problem. Someplace where you can't fight about how he hangs his clothes or why he puts his feet on the table. If you ever find yourself fighting most of the time there is a reason for everything. Once you find the reason you can solve it or leave it alone.

Answer 4

Yes its a known fact that 99% of marriages do fight.. u cant have people living under the same roof on a daily bases and not have some type of argument..as u are 2 different people with ur own ways of doing things.. now the frequency and the escalation of your fights may not be normal.. and u may want to try and resolve ways around it.. sounds as if the two of you are have communication problems.. and because a lack of this your ending up in arguement after arguement.. and also it could be that ur arguing over the same thing time and time again because ur not finding a real "resolve" to the argument to begin with.. YES there is a compromise for every argument.. may not always suit ur needs entirely.. but sometimes u have to "pick and choose" which fights are actually worth fighting about and what u can just roll off your back... Alot of couples argue because they are trying to find a dominance in the household.. who is in charge so to speak.. and that could also be whats going on with the two of u..
How to stop from getting so worked up? hard one, as u and only u can control ur emotions.. learn how to fight with ur mind more so with ur "mouth" as far as letting urself get into situations where the voice levels get out of control.. find ways of getting ur husband to do what u want him to do with out him even realizing it.. My husband always says " A woman can get a man to do anything they want , if they know how to do it the right way"... My parents never "FOUGHT" not in the sense of 2 people yelling.. we always knew they were fighting because they got extremely sarcastic with each other .. it was almost comical to watch them fight....and they've been happily married for over 25 years.. and my dad tells me theres days he just wants to scream she drives him so crazy.. but he loves her with all his heart.. and as someone once said in a movie.. " Id rather argue with u, the lay in the arms of another" .. thats love...

Answer 5

you can't it is in the woman genes to get all frog eyed and yes all couples fight no matter how long you have been married and even over petty things like picking up socks off the floor and of course money that is a BIG argument for everyone good luck and remember you are not alone

Answer 6

disagreement are perfectly normal. u should be worry if there is none.
the stakes are raised when u get married. things r more serious & have for permanency in nature, it tend to cause u to want to set your opinion, values & morals as ground rules in marriage.

always try to reach a compromise, & reach it before the day is over. never harbour thing u disagree for too long, mention it to him immediately if u can. men tend to be less intuitive & sensitive to family issue. what u don't want is people holding something in their heart till it burst on their partner, very messy. "nib it in the bud". also if u can't resolve it, then agree to disagree & forgive each other.
also always tackle the probelm not the person causing the probelm. accusation is never good in resolve conflict. remember marriage is about serving each other not serving yourself. he need to focus on serving u & vice versa. if u go into marriage to be serve or to change your husband to serve your needs it not going to work well.
also no one can change u , unless u are willing to change yourself.
hope this is of some help, peace ,lady

Answer 7

Well, yes, all couples fight, but it's not good to let it hurt you that much. Is there anyone else (friends, family, a councilor) that you can talk to when this happens? Compromise is often a good solution, but it's not always the best solution. Sometimes, something is so important to someone that they need it and if they give in, they'll just blow up later.

Answer 8

Save the stress and energy for the issues that are really important to you. It's a don't sweat the small stuff approach.I have said to my woman"if you get this upset over the toilet seat,if I really did something wrong you'd have to kill me.I pretty much let her do her thing ***unless it is really an important ,material issue***If you are willing to fight/argue over almost anything it takes the importance away from the issues that really warrant it.

Answer 9

everyone married and no fights couple swise that is how you learn more about eachother. and become a stronger couple. hun i am almost 23 and engaged to be married to the man i have been with for 2 years and 1 month ad we fight sometimes but the make up is the best part .. don't worry about it . learn from it and take time to calmly talk abou tit ok....

Answer 10

All couples fight. One very common misconception is that living together before marriage is practice for marriage. This is far from true. When two people are living together they are usually on their best behavior because in this situation the door is always open to leave. In marriage it's not so easy to leave.