what should i do??? serious answers only,please?

Question

my husband is always worried about only himself he doesnt work but brings in ssi every month due to a mental illness.he doesnt help around the house at all and thinks that me and my daughter are his slaves,we have been married for 5 years and he has put on 125 pounds,he is so lazy he wont even have sex,he smokes weed all the time and he cares about nothing but weed, food and tv.i feel he is a sell out cause he can have a job but hes using his bipolar as a cop-out.he never let me know how he truely was untill after we got married before we got married he had a job and was self sufficent.we have two kids togher,am i wrong to feel like he is less of a man cause of this? ifeel there is worse off people that have jobs.it makes me feel as if he gets free money.me and him dont have sex cause he says he cant stay hard but i feel he doesnt try.he doesnt help take care of the kids either!!! what would you guys do i am soooooooooooooo depressed?

Answer 1

he is less of a man. also, he got you to marry him under false pretenses. if it was me, i'd either have an affair or leave his lazy butt.

Answer 2

You're situation sounds familiar, have you posted before? He sounds like a bipolar substance abuser with some other problems and issues. I hate to say it but by supporting all this you're technically an enabler. By keeping things as they are, you're actually helping him stay in this lifestyle. You have a choice here, stay and fix it or cut bait and move on. Neither will be easy. Dear Abby put it best when she said, "Ask yourself, would you be better off with him or without him?" Decide, then act on it. Sounds like his meds aren't helping, if he's even on any. Talk to your doctor. if he won't help, get another one. Doctors are just like mechanics or anything else. Some are better at it than others. Go to counseling. If he won't go, go yourself. It might help you learn the answers to some of the questions in your life. It can also help you deal with the abuse you're getting from him. As for the sex, antidepressants do have that side effect. So does getting high all the time. Pot is a HUGE demotivator. You're down in the dumps too. I think by your words you now realize help is up to you. Make a plan and go for it. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hello honey,
Right now, I’m only hearing one side of the story, I have not heard he’s story yet, about what caused him to become a man of how you describe.

Honestly, if you’re sense are base on honesty. I think; he’s becoming too much of an idiot.. I think you should find a time to talk him out. Or another suggestion is that, try to stay away (take all your things and move out) from him for awhile, maybe a month or two..

By then, I can assure you that he’ll kinda of wake up from the important things that he had lost, and probably start to change for the better.

To tell you honestly, if a man had put on weight more than 20 or 30 lbs from it’s original state, the tendency that he’ll loose he’s sex drive, It is not that he didn’t try hard enough but psychologically; he’ll also have less sex esteem.. it’ll be very difficult for him to get an erection.

Furthermore which you’ve mentioned that he’d become lazy bum, which this is also part of the contribution..

In my opinion, I would suggest you talk to him first, if he still refuse to understand, then tell him that you’ll have to move out and tired of being he’s slave anymore.. once you have move out, if he’s psychological brains are weak, he’ll sure to call you back.
But please don’t come back immediately, until he’s confirmed to be a totally change man, then slowly come back and monitor the situation, before you move on with his life..

Good luck honey, I’ll pray that your relationship will recover..

Answer 4

You are in a tough spot. He probably is worst off than you think. I hate to agree with him on any level because I don't know either of you. However it does sound like he has all the classic symptoms of some one who is very ill.

I don't know though if his life being so messed up means you should stay with him and mess up your life too. Your children are learning what a man should be from your husband and it can't be a good picture.

The medication can make for some erectile disfunction but at this point he's just another child for you to care for. I would seek marriage and other counseling and try and decide if you want the rest of your life to be with a man like this.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Good luck working things through with your husband.

Answer 5

I don't think just bailing will give your kids a very good message or help you deal with it, really.

Explain to him all the work you do, explain that you miss the guy you fell in love with, give him direct examples of what he needs to change - offer to help, like maybe work out together - with the stuff you can help out with.

If he still makes no effort - give him an ultimatum and at least a chance to change for you and his daughters.

If he can't step it up after you've given him options and a chance to change his actions, then you can feel right about leaving him.

You might want to look into some counseling as well.

Answer 6

im not trying to say anything bad about yuor husband but he seems to have problems i dont think its right for him to be so lazy maybe you should talk to him ask him whats wrong and tell him how you feel if he seems to doesnt care maybe you should start caring less of him and only focusing on things like your kids make him feel like hes worth less and not important do other things like with friends or family and if that doesnt bring him back scare hime by moving out with the kids for about a week or 2 and maybe he will see that he misses you and make rules for him if he wants you back. If that doesnt work he just dont care about you anymore and you have to move on with your life. Good luck and take my advice

Answer 7

Wow, sounds like a loser. Honestly, I would give him an ultimatum, tell him to either straighten up or you'll find someone better - you'd be better off without him anyway. You really need to strengthen up and do what's best for your daughter, which would be to get away from him. All he's doing is bringing you down and if you stay with him, it will only get worse. You need to explain to him what's going to happen and stick with your word. You need to do what's best for you and your child and that would be to get rid of him. Just remember that even if it's hard for you, it WILL get easier over time and keep reminding yourself of that.

Answer 8

The longer u allow this, the more he's going to think it's okay to continue using u as a doormat. If he's not willing to put in his share to work on the marriage, u have a choice to leave him. Sometimes people need a wake up call but often times it is too late.

Answer 9

i say it is the drug problem being the issue not his bipolar so make him go to inhouse drug rehab if he refuses then leave him...if he is getting ssi the state should pay for the inhouse rehab....he is lazy and doesnt want to do anything because of the weed or the meds if it is the meds they can be changed and he or you can talk to his psychiatrist....because that is cause for concern...but i reallllly think it is the weed as i am bipolar myself....and he is just being a lazy a*s and that is from drugs

Answer 10

Youve got to give him an ultimatum and a date that you want it done by and make arrangements in the meantime to find housing for your daughter and you. Best of luck...a rough situation and apparently you let it go on too long hoping he would change and be a real man.

Answer 11

I am a bipolar male. I was married for almost 23 years. your husband is hiding behind the weed and the free cash. he will NEVER pull himself together untill you dump him. good luck to you and dont be so happy go lucky