My husband has a drug problem and I told him if he messed up and left us broke again I was going to leave, but his daddy is in the hospital dying hooked up to a respirator and thats the only thing keeping him alive and my husband is messing up again. This time he gave me all of his money before i left so he wouldnt mess up but I know he is probably just selling his fishing poles and whatever tools he has. Would I be an awful person if I left him knowing he is suffering from his dad being so sick and may not live? What should I do? We have 2 kids also
2006-09-10 16:44:37 · 26 answers · asked by stormyblythe 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's done this many times in the 5 years we have been together and I have just sat back and watched I've tried to get him in rehab he says he will do but he doesnt
2006-09-10 16:49:33 · update #1
crack cocaine is his addiction
2006-09-10 17:02:54 · update #2
You need to do what's right by you and your kids. There's no excuse for his behavior, even with his dad sick. Your leaving him might be the catharsis that he needs to get his life back on track. You aren't helping him by enabling him, and your kids will suffer for it. I doubt that your husband makes a good role model for them.
In the end, you need to do what you feel is right, and it doesn't matter what any of us think, because we won't have to live with the decision.
Hope this helps!
2006-09-10 16:47:48 · answer #1 · answered by rita_alabama 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Its high time you looked after your 2 kids.Your husband is taking the self pity route and is messing up again.You have expressed yourself clear about his drug problem and messing up.Just give him another warning this time more severe.Tell him just by taking up drugs his father is not going to get well,infact he will soon become worse once he comes to know of his son taking drugs again and not looking after the family.That if he really want his father's soul to rest in peace, he should stop taking drugs and help you in running the family.Just give him some time may be 2 months and see what happens.You should not feel bad at all.You are not an awful person but a responsible wife and mother.Your husband is taking drugs not because of his father being so sick,but he is addicted again.He is using self pity to cover it up.
Give him 2 months time and talk in a firm manner.Clean up your act or I am quitting.You have 2 kids and their future is your priority now.If your husband wants his family back united then he better get rid of the habit. Also say that you still care for him and to come with you to rehabiliation centre and sort out this drug problem once and for all.In fact just say to him that he has two options."Family" OR "Drugs".If he wants family then to clean up his act,and if he wants drugs to forget the family.Good luck.
2006-09-11 00:02:19 · answer #2 · answered by rajan kumar 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To help you make the decision call a professional counselor. A local women's shelter will point you in the right direction & give you resources. You will find support & other women who are in & have been in the same situation. Don't even be ashamed about it or intimidated when answering questions- for the most part these counselors are really very caring & know the hard spot you are in-
It's a tough decision & you need a strong, healthy & informed support group to walk ahead with you.
You will be so happy & relieved as soon as you begin talking to some others... Don't be a loner-
2006-09-11 00:31:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The very hardest thing I ever had to do was tell my husband he had to go live somewhere else, he could not live at home with me or our daughters.
After his 6th DUI and a night in jail that I had to bail him out from (three years later and I've never seen a dime of that money), I just couldn't take it any longer. He had lost his last job from drinking on the job, and hadn't paid the bills including the mortgage for months. I nearly lost everything.
He had been in jail all night long, he was sick and exhausted and scared to death, and I still made his father and brother come and get him. He cried and pleaded with me, and I made him leave.
He did finally get help at AA and has been sober for three years now, although he is not clean, he still uses pot. He's working in a job he loves, living states away and the family dog is with him.
However, I have never been thanked. I don't expect to be. But I know if it wasn't for me throwing him out, he would be in jail or dead right now.
Do what you have to and get some help yourself.
2006-09-10 23:54:05 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has to see he has a problem and want help. There's plenty out there if he wants it.
You on the other hand are entitled to a decent life. By staying and putting up with it you are enabling his disease. It is really tough but you have to do something and it is obviously not working as it is.
I strongly advise you to try Al Anon even though he may not have a drinking problem (but I would suggest he has.) It may even be his primary addiction. This is for you to realize that the disease of alcoholism/addiction is a family disease and it makes the family sick too. Give it a try. You are powerless over his addiction but you can change how you deal with life
2006-09-10 23:56:32 · answer #5 · answered by mjdp 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been there done that!!!
I left my husband the first time and he got help without knowing if I would come back (we have six kids).
Through some counseling I decided to give it another go but the trust is no there all the way yet --- its been 5 years.
You have to decided if you love him enough to fight for him and with him but under no circumstances should you stay while hes using no matter the reason.
I wish you luck-- seek some help for yourself too!
2006-09-10 23:54:05 · answer #6 · answered by CAT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what is right by the kids. He has left you broke before. It doesnt matter about his father, this is between the two of you. he has a problem and he does not want to get help. it is time to move on and start over. if he cleans up then i might say to see where things go.
2006-09-10 23:47:21 · answer #7 · answered by late_sleeper35 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It would be a lot easier to leave if you didn't have kids, but you have to get out for their sakes. You don't want them to grow up thinking that this is acceptable behavior. It's unfortunate that you have to make this decision at a time when he needs the support and understanding of his family, but there's never a good time to have to leave your husband. Hopefully he'll get the support he needs, but you should not be the one to give it to him. Stick to your guns, no matter how tough it gets. You'll be so glad you did in the long run.
Good luck.
2006-09-10 23:49:17 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You have to think of your children. Leaving him may be the only thing that shocks him into cleaning himself up. Unfortunately, people often have to hit rock bottom and lose everything before they make the changes they have to in order to get sober/clean. Leaving him may be the kindest thing to do for him. Don't beat yourself up saying your a "horrible" person. You are a strong person who is taking care of yourself, your children, and in the long run, of him!
2006-09-10 23:50:34 · answer #9 · answered by Nightwalker 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know this may be hard but try to be there for your husband get him some help as well i am sorry your going thru this hope things get better for you and the family
2006-09-10 23:46:13 · answer #10 · answered by ~*~ Stormy Weather~*~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋