I've been Married for 2 yrs & I have been emotionally abused.What do I do?

Question

people from my church make me feel like I haven't tried to work it out.

Answer 1

do what your heart tells you to do, if you are not happy and they do not treat you with the respect you deserve, do something about it if you want it to work fix it if you are not happy respect yourself enough to leave...you are yourself and only you can make the fianl decision...Good luck
God Bless

Answer 2

Obviously you have a brain if you have figured out that you are being emotionally abused.

Now use your brain a little more and do what is best. Leave. Hopefully you have no children involved, even so, do the right thing and get out, because you wouldn't be able to be a full time MOM if you are sharing your time with abuse of any kind.

Does your husband go to church with you? The church people don't walk in your shoes.

Answer 3

I wish you would have been more specific about the extent of the emotional abuse. Is it constant, sometimes, or are you overly sensitive? Let me tell you from personal experience that if it is truly emotional abuse, just talking about it w/ him will not work. Usually men that are emotionally abusive are control freaks. This behavior is typically the beginning of a very unhappy relationship. Usually an abusive man will start out being emotionally abusive...but it usually grows into physical abuse. You are smart because you already recognize the problem. Please seek help from a second source. The people at your church do not seem to have a grasp on the situation. Please don't just let this slide..It can be fatal!! I'll pray for you! God Bless!!

Answer 4

Honey, I hate to say this, but an honest answer can only come if we know whether this was a one time thing or it happens all the time. If it's a one time thing, you did the right thing in putting your foot down and not tolerating it. However, I agree with the people from your church, you really should try to work through this, especially if you truly love your spouse.

If it happens all the time, then kudos to you for finally taking a stand. Life is short and if you don't want to live your life being put down, then it's your right to move on. Regardless of what the church people say....they aren't the ones who have to live with this person.

You should remember in life, that people will only treat you how you allow them to treat you. Don't let anyone else ever tell you otherwise.

Answer 5

I stayed in an emotionally abusive marriage for over 8 years. I was led to believe by his brainwashing that I had problems and couldn't make it on my own. I finally left this year with 2 kids when his abuse turned physical. He is now trying to mentally abuse me into thinking I am a bad person and mother for leaving and trying to get full custody of our two kids. I am no longer falling for his manipulating ways and know I did the right thing. If you are not happy and he doesn't treat you right leave. I can't say it was a mistake staying and having two kids because I couldn't imagine life without them but my ex is putting us all through hell. It is hard for someone who has never been through it to understand but it wears you down and makes you feel empty inside. Everyone understands when you are physically bruised but no one can see the damage he is doing to you inside. I understand because I am there now still feeling his abuse even after I left. You can't make it work because an emotional abuser makes you out to be the one with the problems as they believe they can do no wrong.

Answer 6

You don't indicate whether you are a man or woman, so I will assume you are a woman. Men, too, deal with emotional abuse, so if you are a guy, please don't take this as an affront to you.

I really feel for you! I have been in your shoes and believe me, it's NOT your fault! It's a common misperception from otherwise well-meaning people that the wife is the reason for the abuse and therefore she should be the one to "work it out." YOU DON'T HAVE TO! The problem is entirely your husband's, not yours! You are under NO OBLIGATION to stay with him and "help" him with his abuse. I even had a friend whose parents kept pushing her back with her physically abusive husband because they said she was obligated to stay with him. This isn't the 19th century (or before)...it's the 21st century. You're not being a "modern" woman with ideas of her own, you are standing up for your own emotional well-being, something that everyone, male or female has a right to. Don't listen to anyone at your church! No matter how well-meaning, they are living in denial that these things need to be dealt with in very specific ways.

You can hear all the time that you should leave, but it's not that easy--you have to feel that you will be accepted if you do leave your husband and that you won't face criticism. If the people at your church and/or your family don't support you, you will have to rely on someone who will support you. What about a close friend? I cannot stress this enough: There is absolutely NO SHAME in what is happening to you.

Have you contacted a battered women's shelter or a national abuse hotline? There is no shame in doing this but do it in secret so your husband isn't aware of it (and subject you to further abuse, or worse). You are under attack and it is extremely serious. You at least recognize this. You don't indicate whether you have any children. You need to have a plan, and if there are children, or pets, you need to make arrangements to cover them as well. This can be a matter of life or death...not just a social-stigma. Your primary concern is to remove yourself from your situation and find safety.

You do not deserve to be abused, emotionally or otherwise. I have been in a couple abusive relationships in my life. There was physical as well as emotional and verbal abuse. It didn't start out that way at all. I was lulled into believing these men had my best interests in mind, that they loved me, and then when I was in emotionally, they found a weakness and exploited it. I found the physical wounds healed, but the emotional and verbal abuse stayed with me far longer. I doubted myself. I doubted my sanity. I thought I was going crazy because he kept saying these things so they must be true. The horrible things he told me were drilled into my brain and it took years to get those words out of my head.

You are strong to recognize that you are emotionally abused. It's the first step. Please take this advice and get out while you can. Put aside money every week, whatever you can squirrel away and keep hidden from him, and make a plan where you can go. If you can get to a shelter, do it. They will help you. You deserve to live life safely and without fear of emotional and verbal abuse. Remember: Emotional and verbal abuse most likely lead to much more serious physical assaults. My ex-husband waited 5 years before the physical abuse started and I moved in with him. FIVE YEARS! Stand up and get out--NOW!

Good luck to you. I will be thinking of you.

Answer 7

Only you have the right to decide if you have anything worth saving. Marriages have three major items: Admiration, Respect and Passion. The little(?) item on the outside is trust. When the trust is gone, the other three fail. If you have been emotionally abused, honey, what ARE you thinking???? Why ARE you still there????? You must like it or you must not like yourself. For sure produce no children in this marriage, because you'll get sick of the abuse when you "come to".

Answer 8

First talk to your husband and tell him how it makes you feel.You never know,he might not even be aware of it.If he says that he is not going to change,or stop this type of behaviour.Then it's you,and only you,who can make the decision,to stay with him and take that abuse,or to leave the marriage for a better life for yourself.Which ever choice you make,it's going to be hard.I hope it all works out for you.Take care.

Answer 9

Only you know what you are going thru. But a controling person is a destructive one. And believe me, it gets worse. By abusing your emotions she is showing control and power over you. Get out, I really hope there are no children involved. The only way you can stay if you start becoming meeker and letting her get her way, just to avoid confrontations.
I wish you the best, I'm sure you've tried. God bless.

Answer 10

What is this with emotionally abused.. and why are all these people like to mentally abused people..
Actually these people they don't know any other ways to express their frustration..They either not inform of any other channels to vent their anger or they find that is the easiest way out.
Try sit down together and talk, if these problem persists means you go and pack your bag and leave...

Answer 11

Are the people in your church living with the abuser? I thought probably they weren't. Do not let anyone influence you to stay in an abusive relationship. You are worth more than that.