I have been having an affair for about 4 months with a married man. His wife of 24 years has for the last 3 years been having lesbian affairs. He seems to be more worried about losing his assests than his wife..so wont file for divorce. I have ups and downs about the affair. We are best friends and i want to be there for him.. but i find myself wanting the divorce for selfish reasons. He is a good person who admits he still loves the woman that he married but also says that she isnt that same woman. I began to believe that she was doing meth, at first he didnt admit it but while i was away on vacation they had a rift and she has moved into her lesbian friends home and he admitted she is indeed a meth user. It is a sad situation especially since there are children involved. My question is should i jump ship or stand by my friend? He has been very good to me and i feel bad that i would desert him in his time of need. What to do???
2006-09-10 15:18:37 · 28 answers · asked by sweetbaker2003 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What about the kids? Do you care for them? Are they still young? I know I'm going to get a lot of negativity for this, but they deserve more than a drugged up lesbian. The best thing would be to get the kids and him out of that relationship. Yes, it is a problem with the courts, but try to do this and quickly. If she abandoned the kids, that would be a foot in the door. I hope he's good to you and you all can be a great family.
Wanting a divorce is not selfish. I can't tell you if he's leading you on or not. You should be a better judge on that then someone on the net. But he needs a fresh start and again the kids need a real mom. GET the authorities involved. She should not be allowed to hold the kids for ransom or even have any contact with them.
This is going to be hard to do, but try. This probably isn't the answer you're looking for. This situation is quite touchy and getting to be more common. His wife is a whore (it doesn't matter what sex she's sleeping with). She's still not being faithful and should not be rewarded financially. It's obvious that if she's sleeping around and doing drugs she's just a leech to him and the kids.
BE HIS FRIEND AND HELP HIM OUT!!
2006-09-10 16:33:38 · answer #1 · answered by strong and soft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I don't know how u can even claim to be his friend when u are being part of the problem. He's cheating on his wife, whether what he tells u is true or not is not the issue. The issue here is u are more than a willing participant in these lies and deception he's playing. OK so supposedly his wife is a lesbian and she's having an affair...lol..so this automatically makes it ok for him to cheat and u are more than willing to comply? Gee, the rationalization people would go through to justify their bs.
The bottom line is: If he really wanted to stay with u, he would've divorced his wife by now, assuming what he's telling u is true. But this is no different than the excuses some men or even women would say so that they can have their cake and eat it too.
2006-09-10 15:37:55 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your asking what to do than odds are you know you should leave...but you won't. You have these high hopes that you will be able to live the life that his wife could be leading. Sorry dear...the sad reality is you aren't the woman he chose to marry. He hasn't divorced because of assets...he hasn't divorced because deep down he hopes that they can repair their broken relationship. He thinks they both made mistakes and will someday make-up. You will be left in the cold...and even if they don't make up...she will still always have the advantage over you because of their history together. If I were you..I would find a man that can give his all to you, and that hasn't already promised it to someone else. Sorry. Goodluck.
2006-09-10 15:35:04 · answer #3 · answered by Cortney & Nathan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jump ship. Some men will tell a woman anything to get them to feel sorry for them and go to bed with them. How do you know she is really having an affair? Have you seen her having one? He doesn't want to lose his assests his children, etc. If he really wanted you he would divorce his wife, but remember if he is willing to cheat on her what would keep him from cheating on you. Once a cheater always a cheater. Find yourself and then find someone that makes you happy.
2006-09-10 15:23:19 · answer #4 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop right there. Do not get emotionally and sexually involved with a man who is married! It doesnt matter if his wife is gay or not. That is NOT the issue and dont feel sorry for him! Either he gets a divorce or you dont have any contact with him. Dont see him again until his divorce is final!
Protect yourself. Protect your feelings and body from being attacked by his wife if she gets pissed about the affair. Just cause she is "gay" doesnt mean she doesnt care about her husband. Dont be the other woman. You are above that. Right now all you are to him and his life is his mistress. No matter what he says that is what you are. I say that because if he truly cared he would not lead you on. He would divorce his wife to be with you.
So stop playing his game. Tell him it is either over with his wife (divorce) or forever over with you. Then stop all contact with him asap.
2006-09-10 18:04:14 · answer #5 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know his wife is having affairs? His word? You? Desert him? You always have to decide if the rewards are greater than the penalties you pay. Marriage, in my mind, is a two-way, giving and taking, getting and giving comfort, caring, nurturing, love and a soft place to fall. You're the only one who can decide whether what you are getting is sufficient. You don't do anyone a favor by shorting yourself in those areas because the old saying is VERY true--if momma (you) ain't happy and satisfied, ain't nobody happy and satisfied.
2006-09-10 15:40:43 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he has the best of both worlds and has you believing it. I understand he is your good friend, but I've dated a married man who I thought was my best friend and he had his reasons for not wanting to end his relationship with his wife and I chose to believe it because I wanted to.
If he really doesn't want to be with her, he would bite the bullet and do what he has to do even if that means taking a loss money wise or whatever his excuse is...
So the question you need to ask yourself is who do you love more...him or yourself?
2006-09-10 15:23:51 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The man is still married, so it's wrong no matter what the situation! You need to let him live his life and move on! He is either lying to you or has some serious issues that he needs to deal with before he gets involved again!
2006-09-10 15:23:50 · answer #8 · answered by monroe1172002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are his friend and more the his misters then you should stand by,but you should also now that it is a good chance that him and his wife will wok things out and you could lose what you think you my have,one of the all time favorite things for a married man to say to his misters is I wont to leave but.........
2006-09-10 15:24:27 · answer #9 · answered by sweeppe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all I can say is be there for him as a friend having a affair with him doesnt make it easy on you due to the fact that you want him for yourself but if his wife is having lesbain acts and he is accepting it that is on him he would rather be unhappy cheating then to loose his materialist things that is totally up to him and why would you want to stay in a relationship who is so focused on material things instead of they happiness,. Think about it ?
2006-09-10 15:21:40 · answer #10 · answered by ~*~ Stormy Weather~*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋