Am I in anyway justified?

Question

Here's the deal. My husband whom I love very much, has not gotten me off in 3 years. He doesn't care. It's all about him. Litterly he sticks it in for MAYBE 2 minutes (that's being generous) and he's done. He know's this bothers me, But he thinks it's really funny. So my question is, if he wont take the time to do it, then am I justified in finding someone else who will? I love him and I wont leave him, but I'm sick of doing things myself. There comes a time when I just say enough is enough. And I have to to get it else where. Is this wrong?

I'm sick of sex toys, and no he will not change I've been trying for 3 years now. My situation is what it is....so I can stick it out and deal with it, or I can do it else where, and just let him do his thing, no matter how pathetic it may be.
YES I AM SURE HE LOVES ME.

* I never in a million years wanted to cheat on him, and he treats me good, he's not the jerk you guys are making him out to be, he just is terrible in bed. And he is really really not into doing anything new, i think it freaks him out. I on the other hand don't care and will try anything, thanks for all your answers, I will not divorce him over it. I love him too much.

Yes Raven E, I'm sure you could. I always thought sex with girls was way better than men. Now I will get answers telling me maybe I'm gay. Yeah maybe I am. I just love men too much. But they do suck, and I can firmly say that sex with a man and woman, at the same time is pure bliss. I'm done thinking about that, thanks for your answers.

Good point on maybe it's my fault, believe me I do feel everyday that its my fault, I feel that I'm am just not pretty enough, or thin enough, so why would he even want to try, it's kinda like get it over and done with. It's not the getting off part that is hard for me, if there is some effort put forth from him. I never had this problem in any other relationship before.

Answer 1

ask him if you can have an affair w/ another woman, i could get you off ;)

Answer 2

There is a solution to this. But to find the solution, you first have to identify the problem.

This might cost money, but it's worth it if you want to save a marriage which will otherwise almost certainly end up going down the drain.

But to start, at virtually no cost, you can (and this is wise) do some internet research. What you are trying to find out is why some guys don't have lasting power. You know, the ability to last by holding back a climax from happening until his wife is about to start having one. You can also search for information on psychological reasons why a guy seems to have no lasting or holding power. By that I mean, does he get off on the idea of getting off so quickly that his wife won't have an opportunity to do so too? Learn everything you can about sex as it relates to what you and your husband are experiencing. And while you are doing that, don't run away from anything that might point the finger at your possibly being a contributor to the problem. For example, are you able to reach a climax through penetration over a reasonable period of time (half hour). Or can you only get off if manual clitoral contact is involved? And incidentally, I don't suspect this is the case. I really think your husband simply has trouble lasting long enough to give you a chance to get off too. What I'm saying is be honest with yourself when you do your research.

After you've exhausted your research, and believe you understand more about sex than the average person, if you still don't know what to do to make things enjoyable for the two of you (as it should be) it's time to contact a sex therapist. Do it by yourself. Ask for advice. Advice on how to get your husband's butt in the sex therapist's office without making him feel psychologically threatened. One approach would be to tell him you've seen a therapist because you think you have a sex problem. And the therapist said she can't solve the problem without the husband's involvement. Then all the suggestions to help him with his problem are recommended as means to help you improve yours. He never realizes the problem is his. He just thinks he's helping you resovle a problem that's yours. Any realizations that the problem is really his are pushed aside by him because everyone involved seems to be of the mentallity that the problem is yours. He plays along and becomes a better lover as a result.

And you live happily ever after--your only concern being how to find ways to set aside more time for those ever lengthening sexual encounters.

PS: Don't overlook hypnotism. If they can make people stop smoking, surely they can help control the excitement that causes a guy to get off.

Answer 3

I would really talk to him in a very sincere and honest way. Telling him that now you are really sick and tired of not being satisfied for the last 3 years and even that it passed through your mind of looking it elsewhere. Ask him why he always do it the way the things are going these last 3 years. Ask him why he thinks it so funny. Ask him how he would feel if every time you engage in a sexual relationship that he is being prepared to have an orgasm but you would stop and turn around and go to sleep. And when he talks about the matter you would make fun of it. Ask him how he would feel being in your shoes. Ask him why he doesn't want to change. Tell him what you told us here and ask him how he would answer the question.

Pray about the matter ask God for help. Tell God your true feelings like you are talking to us. Ask God for patience, guidance and strenght. If you really love your husband you would do everything to save the marriage but remember to tell him that sexual relationship is a relationship. A relationship involves interaction between 2 people.
Cheating is an easy and temporarily way out of a problem. See this as an obstacle that you 2 have to grow over so you can get closer to each other. Don't give up. Tell him that you don't feel comfortable having sex if he is the only one enjoying, if that is your true feelings.

Learn to say no if you don't feel like it. Your husband doesn't have the right to trample you like that. First of all your body belongs to God and then to him. By being treated like that you are being abused and I really believe that God is really sad for seeing you being treated like that and to see you husband do that 2 you.

Really pray about the matter and talk with your husband and if that doesn't help, talk with someone who is God fearing and knows how to deal with these kind of situations. I would advice to talk this matter the both of you with a person I stated above. It must be a partial person, that means not a friend or a close related person to avoid taking sides. And talking the both of you so you might avoid getting to close to someone else which later could mean having an unplanned sexual encounter or your husband getting mad or jealous. Do tell him that you want both of you to talk things over with someone else if talking it between you to didn't help.

Answer 4

Doesn't he love you and want to make you happy? I don't know if I would find someone else...especially if you've lasted 3 years!! BUT- I would probably quit giving him the satisfaction as well...temporarily. He may not be able to last any longer than that and laughs and jokes about it to cover up his insecurities. I would suggest that the next time he wants to make love...his gives you an orgasm before you even let him stick it in. Either with toys or orally...just make sure you aren't doing the work and then once you are satisfied you can satisfy him. But not until he has done his part. My husband lasts longer than 2 minutes...but I don't climax like that unless we have silver bullets invloved.Also he could jack off like 10 -15 minutes before you guys have sex...and that may help him to last longer.

Answer 5

Before you go looking somewhere else give him that ultimatum and see what he says. Then maybe when he wants to have sex since it's you HE needs, tell him he needs to wait and watch first or he will get absolutely nothing. Pleasure yourself in front of him then have him join in and maybe he will get the hint or you end up getting yours even without his help?!Just a suggestion. Trust me its more than likely not you or how you look and may just be the way he was brought up. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Well if you don't want sex toys or anything else like that and you say you love him. Then you have to be the bigger person and just get the divorce. Because he is not satisfying you. I know you may not want to hear that but if you cheat on him in the eyes of the courts he would rightly have the right to divorce you on grounds of infidelity. No matter if you thought it was justified or not.

Answer 7

It's wrong to cheat. Period. You need to be divorced before you pursue another relationship. Talk to your husband about the problem and be firm with what you expect. Maybe try to get professional help. If things don't get better, then you will have to evaluate which is more important: Better sex or staying married to your husband. My opinion is that if he loves you as much as you love him, he wouldn't think it was funny. A good husband should only be satisfied if his wife is satisfied.

Answer 8

Well, are you sure HE loves YOU? He sounds like he's being very cruel, in a sadistic passive/aggressive manner. I'd probably leave him. Or at the very least get some marriage counseling.

Finding someone else on the side will only make matters worse for you and your marriage, not better.

Answer 9

I am NOT a marriage counselor, but here's my opinion: I think if you really love your husband, you should try to talk with him about this. It sounds like you have tried before though, to talk to him? If he's not willing to talk to you, and continues to think it's funny, I would suggest to him that you think it's time you guys go to a marriage counselor, because there is obviously something wrong here. If he doesn't want to go to see a marriage counselor, he's not willing to work through whatever problems you guys are having, whether they be emotional or physical. I do think though that you should not cheat on your husband. If you truly love your husband, I think you would regret it after wards. Again, all just my (another married woman's) opinion.

Answer 10

Don't cheat. That is just leading to disaster. See if he would be willing to join you in marriage therapy. This may help him to understand that you are unfulfilled and need more from him. Also, they may also be able to point you towards a sex therapist (yes that might help as well). If this doesn't work then tell him you want to try a trial separation. Maybe this will be his wakeup call. Along with not getting any sex from you.

Answer 11

Sorry hon, according to Scripture, adultery is never justified. Somehow you are going to have to convey to him that his disinterest in your satisfaction is really hurtful and that it has even driven you to think that perhaps a physical relationship with another man might help you out.

Tell him that you don't want to be reduced to such horrible thoughts of adultery and that you really need him to fulfill his husbandly duties in the marriage bed. (Which by the way is also Scriptural).

PS Pray about it too cause God knows what you are going through and He doesn't like that you are struggling. He will work on your husband's heart if you earnestly seek His guidence in your marriage.

God doesn't want you to sin with adultery so ask Him for help in this. God created man and woman and the act of sex. God has a plan for it and has a design to keep it holy and even exciting and pleasurable. God expects your husband to care for you in the bedroom.

I say talk to God and then ask God to have a talk to your husband. :)

In his defense, are you sure he knows what to do for you? There is a possibility that he just isn't confident and worries that he won't be able to help you finish. ----Anyway, it's just a thought.