death? My husband and I have tried so hard to put things back together, but it's just not working. It works for about a month then it all falls apart, every time I see him now when I pick up the kids, he's so sad. I'm just at a loss, I don't know what or how to make it better. We've tried counseling, and we've split twice before and always came back. But now I just can't do it again, I just can't...I just feel so sad. Has this happened to anyone else? How do you get through it?
2006-09-10 14:37:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In many ways a divorce is worse than a death. With a death there is a funeral and grieving time, then you slowly begin to recover. With a divorce there is never an end.
Your ex can drag you back into court for stupid reasons and you have to keep a lawyer on retainer to protect yourself. The ex is always tied to you through the children. You must always be in contact over the kids and the pain is constantly brought back to the surface. You are never able to escape it.
With a death you can have fond memories to comfort you. You are able to visit the grave site and mourn. You have the symbolism of placing flowers on the grave and people will understand your need to express your pain.
In a divorce you cannot relive fond memories because the ex has ruined them for you. You cannot go somewhere to mourn because the situation never ends. People do not understand your pain. They think you should just "get over it" and move on.
My divorce was much worse than the death of either of my parents. I received a great deal of support from family and friends when each of my parents died. When I divorced I received no support. People did not know how to comfort me. They were forced to take sides between the ex and me. It took me much longer to recover from the divorce. I needed to get to know myself all over again to discover who the person was inside the shell of my body.
2006-09-10 14:55:42 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to meet new people,and so does he.Don't let sadness bring you back together because that would be a bad reason to reconcile.Time will get you both through this.Be friends and work on your own new life.Remember you are in control of your own feelings,you decide to be sad,happy or mad.It is all a mind set.God Bless and good luck!
2006-09-10 14:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me, it was just like a death. I even went thru all the stages of grieving (anger, sadness, denial, ect). It took a LONG time for me to get to the final stage--acceptance. Nearly after a year after it happened, I am still having my tough days.
I am focusing on becoming a more positive person. I spent almost a year of my life nearly paralized with grief, finding it hard to find joy in life, losing what little happiness I had left. It was by far the hardest thing I have done. Now, I try & write down little things in a journal that are positive. Like finding a good parking spot or dealing with a very pleasant customer at work. I know it sounds hokey, but when I get down on life, I whip that journal out & read what I wrote. I have found strength in my friends & family. I have spent a lot of time just trying to be myself, alone, & quiet (like enjoying the weather on a quiet park bench). I still have my bad days, but making an effort to be happier & more positive has gone a long way in the healing process.
My heart goes out to you, it really does. Good luck & I am praying for you!
2006-09-10 15:02:44 · answer #3 · answered by emvannattan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much you can do to save a marriage when it has gone like this one. You have gave it your best shot so don't beat yourself up over it. Maybe someday you and he will come together again and make it work but right now just take it one day at a time.
2006-09-10 14:47:38 · answer #4 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It hasn't happened to me, but I have heard from friends and read, that it is like mourning a death. And you are really sad, because you really tried to make it work and it didn't.
Read the book "Too Good to Leave, too Bad to Stay" by Dr. Mira Kirshenbaum.
Good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss.
2006-09-10 16:01:17 · answer #5 · answered by avll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2014-08-07 17:33:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋