letting go........sucks....tell me about your's.....?

Question

but if you must do it,,,,,,,what have you done to get through the "hurting part"?

Answer 1

I joined the French Foriegn Legion... kinda. I took employment in a war zone.

I had friends that helped me through a few things and then I started a new chapter. One that keeps me occupied with other things than trying to please a woman. I am a lot happier that I don't have to deal with or worry about relationships. I work and sleep and then I come home on R&Rs and spend time with the kids. I'm putting my financial house in order and developing my plan for coming back home.

Oh.... and I pray (though not as often as I should)

I just read some of your other posts... when I answered this originally, I assumed YOU were married to this person... not that you were the OTHER woman!!!

You CHOSE this situation.... you had the power to "just say no". I had a girlfriend that became the "other woman" to someone in her 20s. Finally in her late 30s she married (an older guy) and caught him cheating... amazingly SHE was livid, angry, emotionally distraught, etc.... I never did understand why she could be so upset over her hub cheating when she willingly was someone elses bed-buddy.

The "hurting part".... think about the intense PAIN his wife will feel WHEN she finds out (not if).... that woman is in for a world of hurt when she learns her hub was sleeping with you and how many other women.... the woman ALWAYS finds out.

I highly recommend spending some time in scripture and prayer and reading about the examples of all the bad things that people bring on themselves by doing what you were doing... pray about it.... listen to the answer and "go do the right thing".

Answer 2

I read your other question and If its the same guy then I can see why you are hurt You reluctantly made a commitment only to have him hurt you then after it was over you have to see him as a friend you are feeling guilty for hurting his wife that to is understandable . you will feel the wound for a while but it will heel in time you will carry the scar for all of your days but in time it will be only a reminder that you are a warm and caring person that gave and had what you gave taken and misused by some one that no matter how dear you hold them was unworthy of the magnitude of your gift My tip for recovery is this ......take the 2 things that always cement a broken heart Time and copious amounts of ice cream then after a month a year how ever long just get out there and look for a happy day the sun will shine and you will smile its a sure thing .

Answer 3

I am assuming you are talking about a marriage or relationship ending. After my 20 year marriage ended, I first went through severe depression and lost 20 pounds in a month!. After I finally consented to taking an anti-depressant I started the anger stage. I got a terrific lawyer and concentrated my energy on getting the best possible financial settlement for my daughter and myself. Then I went through what I like to call the "cleaning house" stage. My house was the cleanest, most well maintained on the block because I rarely left it. The BEST thing I did four months after the breakup was to attend a divorce recovery class at a local church. I recommend this to everyone - religious or not! While meeting with these women and working through our common problems - I regained my self confidence and re-entered the "dating scene." Two years later I remarried a wonderful man six years younger than me. We have been together 10 years are are extremely happy. I would NEVER have thought that possible when it first happened to me. Living well and taking care of yourself is number one. Do not let your anger and hurt consume you or he will have won. You must work through the pain while also concentrating on doing what you can to improve yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. It WILL get better. I promise!

Answer 4

letting go does sucks but you have to do what you have to do. Getting through the hurting part is not easy but If you have children, they'll keep you moving & with me when their with their dad on the weekends I go out to night clubs with my friends and have a good time and don't think what is hurting me or with me I just go shopping and treating myself to the salon. I don't know why you have a hard time letting go but as days goes by its going to be easy trust me Im separated for only 3 months and before I useto cry day and night and now maybe just like before I sleep or during the day I have my days I feel down but that's how my life is now so I just keep busy so I don't have that hurting feeling in my head.

Answer 5

Despite numerous experiences in the past, I've found it never gets any easier. Still, we know we have to make some decision and ultimately move on with our life and for me, I've always followed the same three (3) basic steps regardless of where the faults may have lain.

1. Cry, feel the pain, be sad, feel sorry for myself and cry some more.

2. Get tired of #1 and find that point where now I'm upset about it, mad at the other person, mad at myself, angry in general to the point I make resolve with it and learn from the mistakes.

3. When I'm finally tired of being angry, mad and upset and feel I have thought it all through, understand the problems that led up to the pain and letting go, I take the lessons from the experience and begin to apply them to my 'new start' on life.

Answer 6

Dear northwestducky, You've heard the saying, "that which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger?" It's true. often it takes a while to get over the initial shock that a realtionship is over, ended, dead. Especially when you may see the guy is still very much alive and breathing. I recently read something one of my favorite authors, Jonathan Bach wrote in reference to his 20 year marriage that ended. His fans were shocked and very angry at him because in a few of his books he referenced his wife as his soulmate. He said, 'when we realized that we wanted different futures we knew the marraige was over. But rather than mourn the ending as a death we decided to honor all the love we had shared...we viewed our divorce as a graduation" They decied rather than erase all the good they had shared that they would walk away still knowing they loved and respected one another and were now graduating to a next phase...I was drawn to his comments because many years ago when my marriage ended I was so disappointed and scared that I became depressed. I decided to immerse my self in furthering my education and along the way I realized he was not good enough for me and that I never had to "just" settle! When I was experiencing the pain of the seperation I kept praying to God to please save my marriage...it was many years later that I realized God did answer my prayers..that God knew this man was not right for me. So I learned as the song goes..'some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. There are good things that will unfold as you move forward...you will grow and learn that with every goodbye there's a hello. Be good to yourself. Take care mind, body, & spirit...in the end we only have ourselves anyway. "Make new freinds but keep the old" The best way to get throught he pain is to work through it! No pain no gain.... I wish you well...

Answer 7

Arkiemom, she hits the nail on the head. my marriage is ending as we speak. and tho' its only been 2 years and a few months, i knew this was the man that
God made for me, and that we would never part. It hurts, it hurts so bad i am numb. But he has said so many bad things to me, and done so much to hurt me that i am numb. I never dreamed someone could hurt another so bad without just going ahead and driving the knife deep. Good luck to you, i can surely say i know what you are facing.

Answer 8

I worked out, went out with girlfriends, and prayed alot and I felt so much better after I went through the hurting part, you have to go through it first though, then it is like an epithany, you just get it and it makes so much sense, you learn to like yourself even more, hope you make a smooth transition, you will only get better.

Answer 9

You wake every morning and keep living. I just or perhaps am going through withdrawal right now, she moved out while I was out of town at the end of last month. No note no goodbye. Hurts, yes it does, Lonely, yes, but tomorrow I will wake up and go teach my kids in school. I hope she is fine.
hang in there,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Good Luck to you.

Answer 10

It sucks but most people make it worse than it really is.

If there are no kids or money involved then it is actually a good thing.

Just think of all the great people you are going to date in the future.

Of course, if you are a woman you are going to have to put out because us guys don't waste our time on women unless they put out if they are over 30.

Sorry but true.

So start getting ready to put out my love if you want to keep the good ones cause the bad ones are to ones that will stay with you even if you keep you legs closed.