My hubby was home-schooled and I was not, when we fight he brings up some of the stuff that happened or I did as a teen that he didn't do. One of the things is he tells me that my mother's 4 yrs of booze abuse of "nothing, it doesn't matter" and the fact that the BF I had before him hit me. Both left mental scars. He knows how much these subjects hurt me yet he still brings them up and makes me cry terribly. I don't know how to deal with this, I wish I could find a better way. does anyone have an opnion? Thanks for answering!
2006-09-10 12:45:31 · 19 answers · asked by All I have to do is dream... 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey, he's brought it up before so it's been in your face already just accept your past and don't show that it bothers you. Once he sees that doesn't push your buttons he will immediately stop. I know it sounds immature but say things like "yea, I've accepted my past and gotten over it, obviously you're the one that can't let it go." Whatever you say show no emotion at all, just say it calmly and maybe even with a smirk on your face, ooh that will really get him.
2006-09-10 12:51:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you traded physical abuse for mental abuse. Sometimes it's harder to walk away from because you don't have the physical bruises to show you that you're being abused. If he really cared about you he wouldn't use your life and your past against you - especially not to the point where he makes you cry. I would say talk to him about it but if he sees that he pushes it to the point where you're crying - then he just doesn't care. You shoudl consider walking away.
Keep in mind the following:
Just because he was home-schooled doesn't make him better than you. You made it through school didn't you. If anything you probably developed more friendships and social skills than he did sitting at home with his mom and dad.
You are not responsible for your mom having a drinking problem . That's a choice she made not you.
As for the guy that physically abused you - well you're not with him any more are you? You got out of that relationship and if this guy doesn't get his act together you can walk away from this one too.
Take care of yourself and don't let any man make you feel like you're less of a person for anything. Guys like that are a dime a dozen - believe that you deserve better than that.
2006-09-10 12:55:16 · answer #2 · answered by sunssecret 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bashing your partner with the past (especially when it was not your decision) is a big time deal breaker. You need to very firmly, calmly, without nonsense tell him just that. Let him know that you'll not allow him to do that again. If he doesn't comply, either you leave or tell him to leave and enforce that for a week or some sensible time. What he's doing is abuse, he knows it absolutely as sure as God made little green apples. That's big time wrong.
2006-09-10 12:51:44 · answer #3 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is not willing to take your feelings into consideration I would consider finding someone else that can. It is really unfair of anyone to hurt you by using your past against you. You deserve better after all that you have gone through. This is a form of abuse that you seem to be recycling over and over in your relationships. Don't put up with it.
2006-09-10 12:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a very mean arguing technique. Tell him that if he doesn't stop saying these things to hurt you you are dragging him to therapy so a professional can teach both of you how to argue without breaking each others hearts.
2006-09-11 00:08:11 · answer #5 · answered by Cap'n Donna 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is only one thing to this problem your hubby is jealous of you and because of the fact that you to argue and brings up the past he hurts you on purpose because he is scared to com ford you in a way that makes it seem strange to you so he is scared just like you are and is hurt like you to so both of you give yourself sometime to become even close to one another so that you to will become more comfortable to love one another so good luck!
2006-09-10 12:54:25 · answer #6 · answered by shanique a 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey if he does things to hurt you just plain dump the freaking bastard
if you need help email me
i am also single and i could be dating a guy i KNOW doesn't love me but he sure does love himself
carry yourself like a princess & tell all the morons of this world: BE NICE OR LEAVE
2006-09-11 07:25:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him to stop and its a serious matter, and that if he doesn't stop, that things might get even worse. Explain to him how its effected the relationship, and how he needs to stop it now. Communication is they key
2006-09-10 12:50:13 · answer #8 · answered by Katrina G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to break up with him! He keeps hurting yo and he knows it. So why stay in the relationship if you are going to get hurt?
2006-09-10 12:51:40 · answer #9 · answered by coreyrate92 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him about HIS past when he is in a good giving mood... so then when he throws it at you... you can fight back and see how HE feels. MAYBE he'll stop then.
IT doesn't always work, but it's ammunition when I fight with my husband. Good luck.
2006-09-10 13:15:35 · answer #10 · answered by Valeria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋