Should I have an affair?

Question

I have been married 18 years. I have been corresponding online with a married man for over a year... we are thinking of meeting to see if our attraction will translate into something more.... should I meet him? should I have an affair? My husband is gone so often and although he gives me occasional lip service about enjoying our lives together in mid-life now.... He still is not around much. What should I do?

Thanks many of you have given me alot to contemplate. And I guess for some reason it always seems to be the woman's job to keep a marriage alive and interesting. I work and have been the major earner for the entire marriage. I have alot to think about... Thanks to those of you that answered my question seriously.

Answer 1

I am going to be brutally honest to you, but with all due respect. If you are on here asking if it is alright to have an affair after 18 years of marriage, then you already know the answer in your heart. The most attention getting thing that you could do for your marriage right now is to honestly sit your husband down and tell him that you are contemplating an affair, and why. I garuntee results. My husband is away from home frequently, as he is an over the road driver. And as we speak my marriage is ending. He has already posted 2 ads on singles sites, and hasnt even began to move his possessions out of the house. But have an affair before it comes to an end? No...been there done that. I ruined a 13 year marriage-my first. It does nothing but destroy everyone in its path, and believe me...someone will find out. I will leave my marriage with integrity, being able to say that i did not falter, and that no-i didnt have an affair. No one will ever say that can be one of the reasons our marraige ended. I feel for you. Distance between husband and wife can destroy that intimacy, no matter how strong the bond. But, and i stress myself strongly, you owe him the chance to explain and try to fix, as you would be destroyed if he did this to you. Dont lose your pride and integrity for a few moments pleasure. Please.

Answer 2

What you do is your own concern, but be aware of a couple of facts. If you get involved in a full-blown affair with your married correspondent, you will be impacting the lives of FOUR people, not just two, not to mention any kids that might be involved.

Secondly, make sure you are not having the affair solely as a response to your husband's neglect. One of the biggest problems in today's society is the tendency toward emotional, rather than logical responses to problems. Its not appropriate as such and rather selfish.

Lastly, if you have the affair with this other man, you will both bring lingering unresolved personal issues into the relationship and leaving these undealt with, the whole thing will probably end up crashing in flames.

Answer 3

Okay I'm going to try to be nice about this. Do u still love your husband and do u remember your vows?It is easy to go have an affair but it is hard to keep working on your marriage. Don't u think your husband deserves all your effort in making this marriage work?Wouldn't u expect the same from him? Take it from me online line romances are not worth it. Especially when your taking a chance on a 10 year marriage. What are u thinking? You need to talk to your husband and tell him how u feel about the marriage..You owe that to him.Good luck

Answer 4

I am a man and I have had online affairs with married women that lead to offline affairs about 2 or 3 times. The usually end up feeling guilty about "doing this" to their faithful spouse in the end. So just ask yourself if your relationship with your husband is something you take seriously. Why is your husband gone "so-often"? If he is out supporting you then you should be faithful to him. If he is out having fun without you then by all means meet up with your online romance.
Hope this is of some help. I know how bad it sucks to be in a one-sided relationship where all you do is give and all they do is take.

Answer 5

Sit down and tell him you need him to be around more often. If he does not want to do that consider ending the marriage. You should try to avoid having an affair, it will probably just wind up hurting all involved. What it sounds like is that you just need some love and companionship and if hubby can't provide that find someone who will, but not through an affair, those are usually just hollow and empty and end badly.

Answer 6

I think it's horrible that you would even consider doing this to your husband. Your willing to throw away 18 years for something your not even sure if it will work out. I bet your husband is not around much because he is busy working. The whole thing is just wrong.

Answer 7

when you got married it was for better or worse, love-honor-and cherish.

You should not have an affair. If you have issues with him, talk to him. But an affair is not the answer. And the other guy is not the answer either. If he would allow you to comprimise your position now, don't you think he would also be willing to comprimise YOU later?

Answer 8

No one can tell you what to do. Only you know what you will do. If you are unhappy in your marriage you should discuss first with your hubby to give him the chance to fix and or make you more comfortable in providing what you need from him,,,,,Otherwise where would your true justification of your "meeting the other guy" be???

Answer 9

The guilt will eat you up! it sounds fun and exciting but its better to leave it a fantasy is 18 years of marriage worth ruining for a quick fling?

Answer 10

You are a married woman! You should leave your husband if you feel the need to cheat on him. Don't hurt someone that you have spent nearly two decades with regardless of how lonely you feel. The guilt would not allow you to enjoy yourself...