I am a pre-op female to male transsexual, and I have been dating an older, lesbian woman. However, although I admire the fact that she DOES see me as a male, she also seems to think that I should think and behave like the stereotypical views of men in general. Thus being that I should be ready for sex 24/7 and NOT turn down an offer for sex, and also do whatever she wants because I MUST have an alterior motive of sex, which is not true by the way. However, all this sexual innuendo, and the feeling that I HAVE to fulfill her sexual frustration has left me LESS than sexually aroused or sexually attracted to her anymore. It seems all we do or talk about is sex. I'm a full time college student, and to be honest, I don't have the TIME for relationship, or even sex most of the time, so, I told her how I felt, and she just got up and left and didn't say anything. Did I do the right thing?
2006-09-10 11:35:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
STEPHEN, I wasn't asking for your opinion on my life style, simply an opinion on my current action of what I said. I do not believe in a "Christian" view of "God". I believe what I believe and I believe that if I'm happier and more content in this new gender role, then I'm serving humanity better than I would a crappy, b*tchy, depressed, and miserable GIRL. So...please keep your judgements about myself lifestyle to yourself. My lifestyle was NOT what was in question, the actions of the other person and my response to it WAS. So, leave the bible out of this, ok?
2006-09-10 11:50:13 · update #1
its good u were honest. she sounds like she is being selfish anyway so you did the right thing
2006-09-10 11:42:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
well, you certainly did the right thing about telling her how you feel. being straight up and honest is always the best. it's too bad she just got up and left instead of talking to you about it. maybe that's the way she deals with confrontation. perhaps she'll think about what you said and actually discuss it with you later.
it's difficult when each person involved in a relationship has a different sex drive. i doubt there is any couple who is matched equally all the time. but it can be _really_ frustrating being on either side of the fence. have you tried talking to her about it before? she may not *get* that you are tired and stressed from school. also, because she's older, she may assume that you are going to keep up with her sexually just because you're younger. and if you're on T then she's probably thinking you will be ready and willing all the time!
interesting how the gender stereotypes come into play. the glbt community is supposedly so progressive, but many still embrace those traditional gender roles (even the whole butch-femme thing. sigh...)...
but it sounds like more than just gender stereotyping is going on here...do you *really* not have time for a relationship, or is it more like you don't have time for her demanding attitude?...maybe she needs to shape up or ship out...
good luck...
2006-09-11 03:52:49 · answer #2 · answered by dazed_and_confused 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I think you did the right thing. I am quite surprised by her behaviour, maybe she has a high testostorone level.
How far are you along the road of your transition? Are you already taking hormones? Have you talked to your counsellor about this?
Come to think about it, was your friend trying to make a point?
It seems to me that she might be trying to tell you in a roundabout way that you are not really a man, and is trying to prove this by saying that you are not always ready for sex (as a real man would be - not).
In point of fact real men don't like being badgered for sex by women.
Good luck with your transition.
2006-09-10 20:35:34 · answer #3 · answered by Augusta B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you did the right thing. It's obvious that your G/F was treating you as a sex object and not a partner, your college studies come first, As you move on and you become a celebrity, your ex will wish she had treated you better because she will never have a successful partnership unless she learns to treat people better, much better. It's also obvious that she only wanted you for the sex because she got up and left when you looked like cutting her supply off. Go for it and goodluck
2006-09-11 00:38:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes dear you did. You don't need an older frustrated woman with unreasonable expectations around when you have to study and go through the process of a sex change operation. You need someone supportive who'll love you and enjoy being with you for who you are. I'm sure you'll find someone like that along the way. Good luck with everything.
2006-09-10 18:43:28 · answer #5 · answered by chocolatebunny 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Honest open communication is essential for a healthy relationship. If she can't handle that, then you are better off without her.
Btw, your gf sounds like she's got a lot of stereotypes about what men are. I may be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure most of them aren't having sex 24/7.
2006-09-10 18:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by Alex62 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes you did the right thing, not only did you do the right thing. Don't get dragged down by this when you've got so much to get through first, least of all college which is way more important than anything else right now.
2006-09-10 19:22:37 · answer #7 · answered by God 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Actually Yes, you did do the right thing. What she was doing was completely wrong. It sounds as though she simply was using you sexually with little concern for your wellbeing. You are better off without that type pressure.
2006-09-10 19:04:10 · answer #8 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing
ignore the bible and ignore the stupid
and not all men want sex 24/7
both my wifes best friends are leaving their husbands in part due to lack of sex. ironicly the same is not true for me.
2006-09-10 19:08:13 · answer #9 · answered by head_banger_yyc 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
as long as you were completly honest with her about the way you feel i dont see anything wrong
2006-09-10 18:40:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋