IS HE OR ISN'T HE? That is the questiuon....?

Question

Bottom line..I'm on the DL and I usually meet guys online and we fu*k around for awhile...but there's this guy here on campus.....I don't know but I really have a thing for black dudes...and he's cute but I don't know if he's on the DL....he's masc but anything's possible...how do I find out? And get this...he's my roommate....

PS: I don't want him to know I'm bi...I don't want anyone to know...how do I find out if he's bi without him finding out that I'm bi?

Answer 1

Good question and I think I'm going to encompass a lot of other people's answers here too. If you are on the DL, obviously you have some internalized homophobia within yourself which is making you want to keep it a private and secret matter. You don't want anyone to know..well, if your roommate IS gay, and he's on the DL, maybe it's because he feels the same as YOU, and doesn't want others to know as well.
Also, a person's sexual orientation SHOULD be a private issue, not something that ANYONE should feel they have the right to ask of ANYONE. Although, I know a lot of people who exhibit some "stereotypical" qualities of gay people, who get asked by straight and gay people all the time whether they are gay or not, and these people who ask feel it's not rude, or impolite at ALL to ask this question. To me, that is a very personal question. I get asked whether I'm gay or not all the time. The thing is..I'm a transsexual. So, for someone to ask if I'M gay implies they think I'm a gay MAN (I'm female to male) and I usually reply, (after telling them that is an offensive question) that I am NOT gay, because I'm NOT a gay man (although in technical terms I guess I'd be a lesbian) But to be honest, it's none of their damn buisiness. If I want someone to know, I'll tell them. That's the problem, YOU are not at that stage yet.
Also, don't get involved with a roommate. It NEVER EVER EVER works out in the long run. You will come to a decision to either just be friends, be f**k buddies, or eventually become partners, and in the end, there will be drama, jealousy, hurt, resentment, and all sorts of bad stuff that you do NOT want in your living environment. Trust me on this one. Your home should be your space of quiet, tranquility and serentity. It's where you go to GET AWAY from all the crap of the world. Do you really want to invite all that stuff into your home too? If you do, how are you ever going to get away from it all?
If you really MUST know, and you are both students (I noticed you mentioned campus) bring up the topic in the form of an educational thing. Bring up something like "hey, one of my professors said they attended a speech on homosexuality" or "the campus church group did a speech on is God against homosexuality" and ask him what HE thinks. It will give you a good idea as to whether he's GLBT friendly or not at least. But, before you spring it on him that you think he's hot, I would DEFINITELY make sure he's comfortable with GLBT people. If not, you're going to open up a big can of worms. When I first got MY roommate, I made it very up front that I was a transsexual and that my potential roommate MUST be GLBT friendly. (He's a gay man by the way) So...hope I helped.

Answer 2

You bring up a lot of issues here but I am just going to address one:

This person you are interested in is your roommate.
Dating or messing around with roommates is *never* a good idea. You know that eventually things would come to an end between you two (esp since neither of you seem willing to be upfront with people about your same-sex relationship if it develops).
Jealousy, anger, hurt, resentment and all sorts of bad things can accompany getting involved with your roommate

My advice would be to let this one go, man. Find somebody else to obsess over if it helps. It'll be better for you in the long run and hey, why fish from your own pond (aka roommate) when there's a whole sea out there?

Just my two cents... : )

Answer 3

You're never going to find anything out at this rate, because you haven't found out anything about yourself! Sure, you're bi and you know it. Great....but you don't know how you would really deal with being "out". You have yet to discover that you have more strength in you than you realize. I don't know why you feel you must be on the DL, but you are disrespecting your self and any other guy you are with. How dare you try and find out this person's sexual orientation, which you obviously hold as a sacred and private matter, when you won't be open and honest about yours?

Answer 4

When you live with someone, you begin to get a feel of who they are. Have you not observed or picked up on anything. Try getting some bi porn and watch it and see if he comments

Answer 5

If he is your roommate. You should have no problem getting his email address. Send him a anonymous email. tell him how you feel. See if he respond to the email or tells you something negative about it. Is he overly homophobic? Does he seem insecure around other gays/Bisexual people?

Answer 6

well usually gay guys and str8 guys dont usually like da same things so maybe u should ask him wut type of musics he likes movies etc. take him shopping to see if he likes to shop little by little do things that maybe gay people might do but that doesnt seem obviouse yeah maybe after that not only will u find out but maybe u and him mite become closer and maybe if he is gay u and him mite go past jus roomates

Answer 7

Don't mess with it. If he's not and he thinks you're trying to get with him, it's going to be a bad year for both or you. If he is gay, you'll find out eventually, anyway.

Answer 8

Honest is the best policy here.
Tammi Dee

Answer 9

Man, this creates a lot of drama when you don't accept yourself. Just come out, already!

Answer 10

Talk to him.