Well my hubby & i have been together for 10yrs. We have a 9yr, 8yr, and 2yr old. I thought i was pregnant then got my period.while on my period i ordered the Ortho-Evra patches so i wouldn't get pregnant I went to a doctor & he confired i was 5-7 weeks pregnant.I can't say i felt happy i felt worried as to how to tell my hubby. I always wore the patches just like i should i did not try to get pregnant i knew that financially we wouldn't be able to afford a new baby & to me three kids are more than enough. We got ourselves a home, a new motorcycle for my hubby and a new suv for me. My hubby and i work very hard for everything we have but a new baby? Don't get me wrong i will love my baby but how do i tell my husband. Last night i asked him to make love to me & he said NO because the patches had only been on for a couple of days & we could get pregnant & he said that was the last thing he wanted. He told me we couldn't affor a baby & i should get fixed I couldn't brake it to him. help
2006-09-10 09:49:14 · 39 answers · asked by ange!s26 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I don't believe in abortion so that is totally ruled out and i don't think i could carry a baby then give it up i wouldn't be able to give a baby up,Plus what would i tell my older kids. has anyone been in a situation like this how can i break it to him.
2006-09-10 09:51:37 · update #1
I got the patches but didn't put them on. I knew my husband would want to see the patch on so i put on a band aid that is about the size of a patch.
2006-09-10 09:55:14 · update #2
Mrs. ********* the patches i'm talking about are the ones i just got a couple of days ago the ones i got when they told me i was pregnant.
2006-09-10 10:02:10 · update #3
You've been married for ten years and have been able to deal with 3 kids (two of which are closing in on 10), so I'm guessing your relationship has already worked through enough to be able to deal with this.
I know you don't feel secure in your financial situation right now and I know that your husband probably did not want another child... but just take a deep breath, you can make it through the initial moment where he realizes you're going to have a fourth.
Yes, his initial reaction could be good or bad. Remember that when you tell him, he has about a split second to deal with the fact that the future he had planned for all of you is now going to change... in a situation like that, it DOES reasonably take a little time to shift gears, and he might say a thing or two that isn't the best thing but simply is based on what he is feeling. Don't take anything negative to heart, give him some time to "come around."
Depending on what you were using for birth control before, well, it's clear that method wasn't working 100%. You guys did the best you could, and stuff like this DOES happen, and couples get through it and end up -- despite any financial difficulty -- loving their new child dearly. It depends on your attitude as parents; if you can accept that plans need to change a bit, maybe even some financial reshuffling, then you can get a positive outlook on it and be excited about the new baby.
There is such a large gap between #2 and #3 for you, it sounds like #3 could have been unplanned as well... so if that's true, that might have contributed to tension here. Realize that your new baby is close in age to the youngest already -- you are only talking a 2-3 year delay on your original plans, in terms of having kids to care for. In an overall lifetime, that's not a lot of extra time; it's much different that, let's say, having your youngest be 16 and suddenly finding yourself pregnant.
Anyway, don't fret. Things will work out. And if one of you does decide to get fixed, yes, I think it's easier and better for the guy to get fixed. The burden of staying "unpregnant" should not always be all on your shoulders; if he wanted that much control, he could have gotten the "snip" himself. This stuff happens.
If you really think your husband will have a really bad reaction, tell him you haven't been feeling well and need him to come to the doctor's office... and have the doctor inform both of you officially. In the presence of the doctor, he will probably not say anything that might hurt your feelings, and by the time you leave, he might have worked through it to a more positive mindset.
2006-09-10 10:06:44 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just because it wasn't planned doesn't mean it's not a blessing. If you have a new motorcycle and a new SUV you will be able to afford a new baby. I have four and once you get past two it doesn't make that much difference in the work or really in the money. Hey, there are hand me downs in bigger families and you probably have everything you will need for a new baby since your youngest is only two. Tell him you were just as shocked and you were afraid to tell him. Suggest if you both are sure you don't want any more that they tie your tubes when the baby is born. Your husband obviously loves kids or you wouldn't have three. He will be fine. Don't wait too long or he will think you've been planning it. Just tell him- even if he gets upset- in a couple days he will be fine. Good luck!!
2006-09-10 09:58:34 · answer #2 · answered by therealprinsess 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line it is as much his problem as it is yours. Why carry the burden one minute longer on your own. Yo both need to work on the solution. That said, just by hearing your concerns I believe you should keep the baby and what was once your mutual problem will become your mutual joy. Imagine couples that land up with multiple births, they manage, as long as they are not too proud to ask for help. If you need to give up some of those material things, so be it, more important is this wonder full blessing you have been so honored to receive. Money is not important - don't let it rule your life or influence the love of a family. You will be okay. Life is too short not to make the most of it and that includes playing the deck we are dealt. There is always a reason for why things happen and at some point it will be revealed. So enough stress and get on with a joyful and healthy pregnancy. Blessings and good luck. PS> There are thousands of loving people waiting to be parents. Don't be afraid to explore the option, you do not have to do it...just check it out and see who comes your way.
2006-09-10 10:00:41 · answer #3 · answered by MelanieMediator 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him now. The longer you wait the more mad he will be. Any birth control is not 100% he knew the risks the same as you. Sell the motorcycle and the SUV get a mini van for all the kids. If he wanted never to have a child again he should have been fixed but he wanted you to put on a patch and hope it didn't happen. Well it happened because he was too lazy to get a little operation so that he could not father a child.
2006-09-10 09:57:52 · answer #4 · answered by ODDONE 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to tango sweetie, so you should not be alone in this predicament.
Tell him straight - you then have to decide between you what you want to do. There are no 100% guarantees with any contraception, so you were always at risk unless you have had sterilization.
Please make a decision soon as your baby is growing as we speak. Not many people can afford babies, but carry on as the alternatives are not an option - if you were given a gift (the baby), you should cherish it as many people will never know what that feels like.
Good luck ;-)
P.s just read your additional info - so you planned this pregnancy? Why didn't you put the patch on? I'm now confused.
2006-09-10 09:55:57 · answer #5 · answered by MISS B.ITCH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to pick a weekend or at least a night out in which you can get away for some relaxation time... while your gone leave him a written detailed letter describing everything you just said here...yes you should be able to just tell him yourself after 10 yrs but i know it's not that easy after he's just said it's the last thing he wants. Give him time to let it all sink in and think about it and when you get back from your weekend or night out you can talk openly since the ice will be broken and you two can figure where to go from there. It's not your fault or his it's just what happened. Things seem hard right now but in time you will see it as a blessing. Things aren't always as bad as they seem. Maybe he'll surprise you and won't be as bothered as he thought he would once he finds out the news! Good luck to your family!
2006-09-10 10:15:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just have to tell him. If you keep waiting then it might hurt his feelings or anger him that you waited so long. He made this baby too, and it sounds like he only wants you to be responsible for birth control. It's not your fault if the patch failed. You should be able to talk to your husband about anything. Sit down and make a financial plan to help cope with the new expenses. And after this baby tell your husband that HE can go get fixed! Good Luck.
2006-09-10 09:58:02 · answer #7 · answered by nimo22 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you recognize the financial difficulties, but are excited about the new life you have created. Offer suggestions to the problem next. For example: could either of you work some extra hours each week? Perhaps he can give up his motorcycle or you can trade in your new suv for a used SUV, to get some cash. Maybe cut down on other things that arent' really essential (cable tv, cell phones, etc) I wish you the best.
2006-09-10 09:53:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Although he said all that stuff about not wanting another child around the house, deep down he does. All men have this desire to be great fathers and teach their kids to play footie etc.
I know your worried about it because he said he didn't want another child but that was because he thought he knew he wasnt going to have another, you following me? But as soon as you do tell him, trust me, fathers intuition kicks in and soon enough he'll be looking forward to it.
I understand you have financial problems, but you've got a baby on it's way and you will struggle but that comes with the joy of a new life. If you have any friends who have young children perhaps you could ask them for their childs clothes when they've grown out of them, this will save you money etc.
As to teling your husband, bring him breakfast in bed, be super nice to him then break the news, there's no easy way to do it but sooner or later it's got to be done, he might be shocked at first and maybe a little angry but it's not your fault your pregnant and he will realise that.
Good luck i hope i've helped you!
2006-09-10 09:56:08 · answer #9 · answered by Rebecca H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I only have an 8 & 9 year old. When I found out I was pregnant with my 8 year old, my husband didn't want any kids, but she was coming, and nothing we could do about it. I just told him, it took him a while to come arround, but in the long run that time he was upset about the pregnancy didn't matter. While he was griping about it, I was very quick to explain he has as much control of birthcontrol as I do. He had a vacectmy done not to long after. Good luck and God Bless you.
2006-09-10 09:55:43 · answer #10 · answered by cyunos 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋