A tear of pain
Bloodstain of hate
A lake of fire rages in my soul
Sickness and disease
Is all that remains
Who calls this world home?
In a sick paradox
People dying on the street
Fires purposely set
Death to us all
Home sweet home
2006-09-10 08:24:21 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
So romantic. 2 thumbs up.
2006-09-10 08:26:59 · answer #1 · answered by hpneil 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cliche... sorry but how many times can you read things like this without becoming desensitized to it? Therefore it looses its meaning in its own overly depressive nature.
Go to the Starlite cafe.com and look up a poet by the name of MorrigonChild. (who is NOT me by the way) She is an artist working in the medium of depressive images and depravity. There is a WAY to do it so that everyone accepts it as something worth reading even if they don't agree with it as an opinion, they enjoy it for its form and its ability to effect them... this didn't have that...
Art in visual or mental reflection, does not do this, as its purpose.
"The mystery of art is that there is a psychological value to its experience." Beauty does not overwhelm.
This is not "The world eye beholding." This is cliche, dark, depravity on exhibition for the sake of attention. It is not poetry in that it is actually prose. Big Difference.
This is didactic... It repels rather than unites a common understanding by trying to teach or preach its darkness by only showing a wicked example of life as a whole.
It is however, for what it is... Well worded and okay as a piece of prose. If it is in your heart and soul to have it represent you as an expression (if it is even about you, I don't know) but if it is, make it a little more unique, a bit less cliche and a lot more... beautiful.
Anne Rice captured the possibility of beauty even in uncommon, unlikely characters because she was neither cliche nor familiar in her way of presenting the macabre to the general public.
Goth became acceptable and romanticized BECAUSE of her influence regardless of, if it was considered art or not in the classic sense, her ability made it beautiful in spite of itself and its limitations in the way of subject matter.
I am not trying to be mean or harsh... Im trying to help you become a better writer. This is fine... but your question mark implies a lot in that you are by using it, asking for an opinion. This is only one, and it is mine, not worth much to anyone but me... I mean no offence.
2006-09-10 08:52:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not only good, it shows deep insight. I especially love the third line, and your use of "Home sweet home" at the end really gives me a jolt. I think I know just what you mean.
Bravo and keep writing. The world needs more poets!
Lenky
2006-09-10 08:30:37 · answer #3 · answered by Lenky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is A Good Poem it sounds Like the Person is Full of Wonder & Cunfused or sumthing...
2006-09-10 08:31:38 · answer #4 · answered by -KJ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try using more concrete images. What does sickness look like? What shape does a bloodstain of hate take? Your best line is the last one, keep it, work on the rest.
2006-09-10 08:28:44 · answer #5 · answered by Jeanette R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you do have a poem there Little more work on it and it might be better than just a C average.
2006-09-10 08:35:00 · answer #6 · answered by gamemanual 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where do you live?
it don't sound good,
which only goes to prove
that if your home is really bad,
perhaps you ought to move?
actually your poem is very good and well structured. well done!
2006-09-10 08:29:47 · answer #7 · answered by nev 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey...nice poem!! you are soo right when you say "Who calls this world home?"
2006-09-10 08:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by zed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good but don't be always writing about tears and sorrow.
Keep it up.
Thanks.
2006-09-10 08:34:56 · answer #9 · answered by Stephy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should see a psychiatrist,, depression can be treated successfully,,
2006-09-10 08:53:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋