Is he controling, emotionally abusive and selfish or, is this just normal married life?

Question

Sister has no children, married a man who just won custody of his 5 children. The man can not read or write. My sister has to help all 5 children with their homework each night. It takes several hours each evening because they range in age from about 6 to 19 years old. When they have questions about schools, or when they need to be registered or when a teacher needs to meet with a parent my sister is expected to handle all of this. She helps them in the AM to get off to school. Husband leaves for work at 5am returning at 1am. The real problem is that her car broke down. They had limited money. She's not working currently. He told her to donate her car to charity (tax w/o) and he would fix up one of his 3 broken cars and give it to her because that was cheaper. She complied. The cars all are still broken down. If she asks to borrow his car he says no b/c he doesn't want anything to happen to it. She has never been at fault in an accident not even a speeding ticket. He's had many. Input?

Thanks everyone for your input thus far. Just to clear up a few things. When they married he had no interest in taking on custody of his children. He made that decision 3 yrs into the marriage. How was she supposed to know that, psychic ability? Someone told me I should “stay out of it”. I don’t plan a show down with my brother-in-law. However if my sister calls me tomorrow and says she wants to leave and needs money to get a ticket I will let my checking go in the minus to help her get out. Next someone said if I’m so concerned I should help her out. It's difficult for me to give her a ride to the store when we live on different COASTS! So stop making assumptions. And the thing about this "poor guy working his azz off" Well if you lay up and have yourself 5 kids you are supposed to work your azz off! But why should my sis have to pay for his stupidity in bringing so many mouths to feed into the world? Someone please tell me why I should be supportive of this?

Answer 1

Her husband sounds like a cheap, selfish, idiot, she needs to sit down and talk to him orleave his a**. I know a marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse but he needs to get it together before he ends up alone with his 5 kids. I applaud her on helping him with his kids. I had a hard time helping a man with his ONE child.

Answer 2

Wow.. she had to of known that he had 5 kids, and im sure he talked to her prior about going after custody of the 5 kids.. so she did have a choice in the matter.. its hard to tell from ur story , if its he's a control freak or if he just is pushed to the limits.. i mean if he's working from 5 a.m. till 1 a.m. thats almost 24 hours.. the poor guy has to sleep sometime.. and if he's working.. how can he help them with their homework????? and if he is sleeping when he can get sleep.. then when does he have time to fix up the car?????? even on his day off he's probably so exhausted that working on a broken car is the last thing he has energy for.. I do agree that she should be able to use his car since its the only running car .. but other then that i cant really see any "control" issue.. i see a man thats working his azz off to provide for a large family.. i see a woman taking on responsibility as mother and doing what mothers do.. and although she's not "THEIR" mother, she's the only mother they have as far as full time.. so if your so concerned about ur sister.. why dont u lend her a hand...let her know that ur available to take her here or there if she needs it.. go over and help her out with the kids from time to time.. because im a step mom, i know how exhausting it can be at times and i know i wish someone would give me a hand at times as well.. But just from the little u've said, no i dont think he's controling, maybe alittle weird about his car, but alot of guys are weird when it comes to their cars.. their cars end up being more of their babies.. then their own babies lol..

Answer 3

No...not "normal" married life. If the kids are all in school, she ought to find a job. Seems like the 19y/o "kid" should be out of school and working as well. Once she gets some money, she ought to be able to get another vehicle that runs. BTW...why, if they have limited money would they need the tax benefit of donating a serviceable car to charity? If the reason is so he can control where she goes by limiting her access to transportation, GET THE HELL OUT!!! Control freaks only get worse. Meanwhile, get those kids to help at home, get another income so hubby does not have to work those stupid hours...unless she's hoping he will work himself into an early grave so she can inherit all the kids and the junk cars.

Answer 4

Having 5 children to take care of and you have none, in the first place I wouldn't marry a man with that many children . He needs to get you a new Mini Bus not some old junked up wrecked car. You better get while the getting good he is using you for a babysitter, run , run ,run,.

Answer 5

my advice is for your sister. you knew what you were getting into with the children and the homework and such. as for the car, you are entitled to use the good car when necessary. you need to talk to hubby about this issue and work out something with him. tell your sister it is not her concern.

Answer 6

what is the issue you are asking about.. her taking care of the kids or her not having a car?

Answer 7

That's what you call "barefoot and pregnant" But you knew the job was dangerous when you took it.

Answer 8

She got hosed. He is a controller

Answer 9

you are so right- this guy just wants a free whore, babysitter and maid.

she can do better- she can leave him a note, cause he cant even read it.

Answer 10

she is ana angel who loves her man and he is a stupid selfish as swhole