my husband caught me cheating but still living with me?

Question

i was unhappy in our relationship, thinking of getting a divorce for other reasons, i met someone else that i want to be with. he caught me and wants a divorce, which is the best thing all around. but he is from another state and needs to stay with me until he can save up money to move back, which is fine with me cause i would never kick him out with out any money. but i feel really horrible for hurting him, and though he is angry with me, he is being so nice to me! we still care about each other and wish nothing bad to each other, but i don't know how to handle being "roommates" with him, it is so wierd!

Answer 1

You have made a mistake, but that is not the end of the world. I mean you should have asked for a divorce as soon as you were sure about the failure of your marriage, whether you had met or not this new someone. It is fine for you to acknowledge your "faux pas", but don't let this give him the chance of turning himself into a victim, either.

I presume the house where you live belongs only to you. However, it really doesn't feel right to drive him away before he can find a place to go. The problem is that he may need a long time before he is ready to move, and staying together with him that long can become troublesome for both of you. Fortunately, there doesn't seem to be any children involved.

If I were you, I would give him as much money as I was able to raise, so he can leave your place soon, also as a way to compensate for the evil that was done.

Now, do you really feel safe staying with him like that? Don't you think he could find a way to take revenge on you? Couldn't you invite a woman friend to spend some time at your place, so there can be a mediator between you and him? This third part can make it easier for you to cope with the situation.

If you can't give him any financial help, you should ask him to stipulate how long he needs to stay in the house, so that you can start arranging your new life from now on. Stick with that period of time. Say it's vital for both of you to part now.

As for your new boyfriend, it's my feeling that you shouldn't become a couple right now. It may be hard for you to wait, but I think it is the wisest thing to do. Wait until your ex-husband moves away, let one or two months go by, and then go for it. I hope this new relationship can be a more mature one for both of you.

Answer 2

I would love to say that things are easy but they aren't and you know it. What you should have done was waited until you finalized your divorce before you chose to be romantic with another person. If for any reason your husband decides to get back at you he can take you to court for infidelity and you could lose any benefits that are due to you through the divorce. Not saying you need the money or anything.

I think that you are going to hear a lot of horrible things about you since posting this question, but you have to look at the pic. You are married- you cheated, he is being nice to forgive you even though it obviously hurts, and you really havent ended the relationship with him because he still is living there. I would say he should move out or you should and not be with each other.

However before you cheated you should have seen was there anything you both could have worked on together to work out the marriage. There aren't too many things that cannot be worked through in a marriage.

Im sorry your marriage did not work, but i think the best thing for you and your ex is not to be together at this point and salvage whatever friendship that you may have left.

Answer 3

Of course he is going to be "so nice". He is hurt. I can understand where are you coming from, it is very hard to deal with. I had almost the same situation but we where not married. His family lives in another state, and I wasn't happy with our relationship, I started to see someone else instead of being bluntly honest with him before anything got started with the new guy, he found out about it. So to get even with me, he made me feel uncomfortable in my own home by being too nice. He knows it will eat you up in the inside. At the same time you don't want to hate him because you still love him. The only thing I can recommend is you find something to get into, whether it means to work late, or visit your family more often. Unless you have kids together which will make it 150% harder. Oviously your relationship was already parting, and this just kinda cut the strings. Don't let it get to you. Keep your head on your sholders and remember the reasons of why you wanted to seperate from him in the first place. If you won't let it bother you, it won't.

Answer 4

The least you could do is let him stay there - he has to except the fact that you cheated on him - get over your weird feeling and except that he is struggling right now. Not only with his wife cheating on him, but that he is not well enough off to get out of the house at this point. Do you want him to be mean to you? He obviously loves you, and understands that you made the choice. Just think it could be a lot worse! Set a time frame in which you feel will give him enough time to do his own thing (a month or two) and both of you stick to it.

Answer 5

Hum..... sounds like he might have been unhappy about the marriage too, and now is relieved he has a good excuse to end the marriage. Well, or maybe not, maybe he just doesn´t show his feelings.
In any case, I´m sure he was hurt to catch you cheating...
Regardless of anything, it´s a good thing you´re letting him stay while he gets back on his feet. Just because the marriage is over doesn´t mean you can´t be friends and nice to each other.

Answer 6

Try working together solving your problems and saving your marriage. That is the best thing to do.Don't be so hasty about divorce. Your feelings for hi was probably the same when you met him. Now you go with the other guy and in a couple of months the same thing happens between you. Rather try and save your marriage.

Answer 7

honey are you for real or what he's using you.no man would let his wife stray on him and still live with her.he is just like a blood sucker.he's making you pay for what you done to him.get real here ,stop and just think for a moment,he is a man he can sort him self out.if you found the shoe on the other foot what would you do?you'd walk out on him without anything and just a broken heart and destroyed dream's.so stop fooling your self.i don't blame you for finding someone new love,you were unhappy and he did not notice it it's his fault too.so dint go blaming yourself for hurting him.men can be happy,but we wemen we just suffer in unhappiness.I'm made up you have found some one who has made you happy then depressed.tell him to move on love,don't be a fool.i don't want you to go through what i am going through.I'm unhappy but I'm not as strong as i look to get up and walk out,he don't care about me but his whole family love me too much so that is what I'm still here suffering.and i don't want to get hurt anymore.i know some day someone will come and take me out of my misery.good luck love be happy is all i wish for you.

Answer 8

Well your actions caused this chain of events, and it would be even more cruel to kick him out with no where to go.How would you handle having a room mate other wise? perhaps be as a friend to him, and help him to move on with his life. It seems that while your married it is his home as well as yours until you decided to break it apart. You could leave and find another place to stay.

Answer 9

Like U say he has nowhere 2 go, yet.
What would B the point in him upsetting U?
He obviously has a head on his shoulders & proberly wants 2 leave being friends rather than enemies.
I wouldn't ever 4give U.
Consider URself lucky.

Answer 10

Did you ever once stop to think that maybe the marriage was a mistake to begin with. Did you love him and were you honest when you answered the question about being faithful til death do you part? Marriage should still be forever, that would solve multiple problems in our society.