Aspiring writer?

Question

Please read my story and tell me what you think. (Here. I won't read the email for a while and when I do I'll be like "Huh?")

http://www.freewebs.com/iluvcole711/index.htm

The speaker changes. Sometimes it's Quinn, sometimes it's Adele, and sometimes its Garnet.

And true, I like Quinn the best. I will find you guys some pics of her and Adele soon, I have yet to find an anime picture of Garnet, if any of you have something that would be greatly appreciated.

http://img474.imageshack.us/img474/8266/anemoneanimegirlred0ce.jpg

Quinn

http://img474.imageshack.us/img474/8266/anemoneanimegirlred0ce.jpg
Is Quinn

http://images.quizilla.com/W/waterytart/1127604641_maybeshadow.JPG
Sorry about Quinn twice, this one is Adele. A virtual cookie if you can tell me what her name means. It was hard to give Adele a title and pin her down like that.

Answer 1

I loved it! Have you read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer yet? Great vampire novel...

Anyways, on the subject of your story. I really enjoyed reading it and can't wait to see more. Of course, I noticed a few mistakes, but nothing major that ruined the story. I was drawn in right away by the difference between your characters. I liked that Adele and Garnet were more defined than Quinn, so that she seems a little more of a mystery, which seems to be what you were going for.

Only problem I had was the startling shift in voices. I got it after a second, but at first I was kind of confused. You might want to consider messing with that a little, but other wise I thought your writing flowed well. Your descriptions of the girls are utterly perfect. I'm serious. Even before I saw the pictures I knew exactly what they looked like!

Another thing that sort of jumped out at me was your use of the song title "Promiscuous". I understand why you used it, and it didn't bother me, but if you plan on trying to get published, that might turn some people away. Just a thought, though.

Your dialogue was great, very witty.

All in all, I give it nine stars! (Ten being the most.) So great job.

By the way, I'm also an "aspiring writer" and I love seeing other people like me writing. Best of luck to you and your vampires!

Answer 2

For the most part, I think you used a lot of great descriptions, but your speaker's voice seemed a little confused at times. I would like to know more about Quinn, since she seems to be the underlying focal character. She seems quite a bit standoffish in comparison to her companions and as a reader, I want to know her story, all about her, how she came to where she is and why she resists.

Answer 3

not bad....... could use some work..... all writing can though..... try taking some creative writing classes if your in high school maybe yours offers some or if your in college or beyond you should be able to take one....... most community colleges should have a course of two... and most colleges do to and you don't have to be a full time student you should just be able to register for and take a course......
there is more to writing than just writing.... reading is a major part to......
and drafts and knowing your audience
a class could also help you learn more style and whats cliche' and what is not

Answer 4

I liked your story. The only thing I would change is the beginning because at first I was confused about who the characters were. But all in all pretty good.

Answer 5

Beyond excellent. I am also a writter and poet(ametuer), from my perspective your skills are outstanding. Im usually very critical and find something to suggest, but in your case I cant. Good work and keep writting, you have the potential to achieve greatness.

Answer 6

It's good but it needs more description and less conversation unless that's what you were going for.

Answer 7

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