just filed for divorce...?

Question

i filed for divorce this week. i feel awful - just not sure at all it was the right decision, and wondering if i'm making the biggest mistake of my life. i was married for 8 years and not happy the majority of the time - and even knowing i wasn't happy, it still feels even worse to have filed. is this normal or is this telling me i made a mistake?

Answer 1

First of all -- sympathies.

When I went through my divorce even though I welcomed it my sole regret was that I didn't fight harder to make it work.
I rejected common solutions like counseling!
My pride was hurting that I failed in my marriage and I .... just let her go.

I appreciate that our society is liberal enough to allow divorce and let us try a new chance at life. But, I think we also accept it too easily -- or even make divorce the First Option.

Let me use an example. Statistics show that 45% of men will cheat on his wife at least once. Knowing this is coming, knowing that it is part of human nature despite the rules of our society why would the First Option be divorce? We totally accept the woman being the 'victim' and getting revenge in the court room.
Women cheat too. It stings the pride! However, almost never does the cheater intend on leaving their mates! It's crazy what we do.

So ... my point is that it's a huge step. Don't have regrets. Chances are you won't "trade up" to a better guy and you'll have a scar on your soul for the rest of your life.

Divorce should have zero doubt.

Peace be to you, hun.

Answer 2

I think it is normal. There are positives and negatives in a marriage which create ambivalence. You weren't happy with the mix you got, but in getting a divorce you are still giving up some positives.

And maybe you don't know if being divorced is going to be any better. So, there is uncertainty.

Divorce is listed as one of the biggest stress factors in life. Lists of stress factors are on the Internet. During times of great stress, it is often nice to talk to a trained professional if you have the money. You could also check out some library books on coping with divorce.

Answer 3

u were not happy in your marriage u were misserable u got devorced that is a good thing for u not bad at first is going to feel awfull because u spend 8 years with that person its going to take time to get ur self estem back and confidence and no no no u did not make a mistake it is normal to feel sad and feel uncertain about having a devorce it is a huge serious step u feel that way because u are loosing someone u loved cared and shared special moment but in the end u were miserable so now u need to focus on u make some friends or hang out with friends and family join a gym keep active and focus on what makes u happy move on to the next chapter that will be positive hey on time u will find someone who will cherish u and treat u properly

Answer 4

If you don't love him, then it's the right decision. How long have you been separated? Is there a chance you could have waited to make sure it was the right thing. In any case, it doesn't matter, what's done is done. If you were meant to be together, the divorce paper wouldn't stop you from getting back together, if that's what you both wanted and there would be nothing stopping you from getting married again.

Answer 5

i felt the exact same way when i filed for divorce. i knew how much he loved me, but i just wasn't happy in the relationship. my reason was because he was an alcoholic. we were seperated for 8 months and then i decided to give him another chance and stopped the proceedings. 8 months later, he started drinking again, so back to the divorce thing again and it still feels like someone has punched me in the gut. divorce is a terrible thing to go through, no matter who files and no matter the reason. you are ending a big part of your life. but you have to look out for yourself, for your well being. i promise that in time, your heart will heal and you will be able to breath again.

Answer 6

I'm sure what your'e feeling is normal. Closing a chapter in your life is scary. Try to focus not on the overall picture but for right now just think about today. Things will be better as long as the divorce was mutual..

Answer 7

Hey! I was just divorced after a marriage of 12 years, and 3 kids....and it's only natural to get the cold feet of having to start over again, but once you get to this point, there's really no turning back. You gotta be strong and face it, and everything will eventaully work out ok...at least that's what I hope anyway......hey, I can use a good friend with the simularity, maybe we can talk sometime......please write me at [e-mail] I wish you luck in your new future endeavors!! DJ

Answer 8

I felt the same way, we decided to continue to live together after we filed and I think that made it easier, we ended up more as friends than as husband and wife. In time it gets better just ask yourself if your happier with him or without him and your heart will tell you.

Answer 9

It's OK if you are so unhappy weigh the pro's and cons they will let you now if the good weigh out the bad just remember life is to short, married 4 ever 24years the good weigh out the bad so I stayed and I have childern pulse I earned the freedom with person to come and go as I please don't have time to train anyone else I learned to Love self and to compromise any given situation that is for the good pulse the money is good. my man is a hard worker so he stays gone free to do as please

Answer 10

It always feels, wrong, to break the promise you made before family, friends and God. No, you're just feeling like a "Today's Gal." Enjoy yourself. The man will be fine. Girls like you are a dime a dozen. He'll find another one in no time flat.