my husband of 20 years left me after i let him come back he doesnt pay bills he says he never has money but always has money to smoke and gas in his car he stayed in motels for 2 years until he got fired from his job and now is living with him mom he refuses to see our 8 kids and i am strugglling he owe 7 grand in support i still love him but i dont trust him he continually accuses me of cheating and i am not i am working or at school or with m y kids i do love hime eventhough he doesnt do anything
i asked him for a letter of release to our old house and refused so i have decided he is willing to give do and have nothing for this family so i decided to divorce him even though i do love him i hate his racist mother she is a pain in the butt they mistreat my kids and i am just so lonely am i doing the right thing i just want a drug free lifestyle a little house and a safe place my kids came come home to is that wrong i have not completed college so i am doing that now i feel overwhlmd
2006-09-10 05:36:52 · 22 answers · asked by Larelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stay away from him and worry about your kids and yourself only.
Of course he was your husband so there is a spot in your heart that will always have love for him. However, he is not worthy of living with you and your kids.
You should be able to answer your own question, "he got fired from his job and now is living with him mom" What type of parent could he possibly be to your 8 kids if he is still living at home with his parents? "he refuses to see our 8 kids and i am strugglling he owe 7 grand in support." He obviously doesn't care about his kids and their well-being. If he did, he would've paid that child support, or at least visited them and spent time with them."he continually accuses me of cheating and i am not." The cheater usually accuses the other person, so for all you know that's what he could be doing.
To me, it sounds like you are trying to work on becoming a smarter person. You're reaching goals in your life that you and your children deserve. YOU are hard working. If you can go to college, go to work, and raise 8 children; you deserve an award.
He, on the other hand,can't even maintain a job let alone raise your kids. Don't waste your time with a low life that is involved w/ himself, his gas for his car, his smoking.. because he's selfish and your kids would be happier without him.
2006-09-10 05:50:39 · answer #1 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing you need to is kick him out again!! You don't need him there he just dragging you down. He is worthless you want him there, why? You love him, why?He is just sucking any life and money you have left right back out of you.
Congratulations on going back to school!!That was a good start to changing your life and showing your children you have the power and the right to live the good life and you don't need him to do it. I know love is blind been there my self for 17 yrs ..but I have been divorced six yrs now and raised two of my three children by my self.I know you have more children than I do but you can still do it.I am sure there are lots of women out there in very similar situations to yours. Call the local community action for your area or even your doctors office to see about any support groups in your area.You don't need his family either you have yours and you have the kids all you need for now. There is someone out there who is looking for love and would love to have a woman like you ..loving, nurturing and kind.(that's how I feel you are). File for the divorce let the courts get him for the child support and they will award you the house as well.
~Good Luck~
2006-09-11 12:33:25 · answer #2 · answered by vtlovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After reading your story I am trying to think of the right words to say that would say just how wrong it would be to take him back. He is just using you because he lost his job. He sounds like a loser and no matter how much you want to believe he will change, HE WON'T!!! You are lonly so are willling to take him back. Bringing him back into your life will only cause you more heartache. I have been in a similar situation and finally realize People do not change no matter how much I loved them and wanted them too. Good luck. Don't let your love be a weakness. Be strong for you and your kids.What can he really offer you?
2006-09-10 05:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by Marie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your love is based on having kids together ... this man is no prize and will destroy you and your family if you allow him back into it. I have been divorced twice and still have a special place in my heart for both of them, but i would not get back with either of them because they do things that are destructive to the marriage and family. don't let your loneliness get in the way of good sense. stay on track with your schooling and know that when you finish, you will be in a position to move forward. better to love him from a distance than to allow him to destroy what you have tried so hard to keep together.
(how can you be cheating if you are divorced??? they are mutually exclusive, cheating implies a committed relationship)
2006-09-10 05:45:55 · answer #4 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good for you if you are going to college. you have to do what needs to done for you and your children. Divorcing him is the right thing to do also. He sounds like hes not a good man for you or for anyone else. You are feeling overwhelmed but we all do at some points in our lives. You are a very strong woman. You should be proud of yourself for wanting better for your life. Dont let any man bring you down. Stay strong hon.
2006-09-10 05:42:15 · answer #5 · answered by michelle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By all means, Divorce the looser. He spauns off others ,He will never change, If he loved you ,He would of signed off the house to you and would of helped support the children no matter if he was living else where. If He was any good ,He would keep a job
2006-09-10 06:04:15 · answer #6 · answered by Roma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple in their 80's defined love for me.
"Love isn't a feeling you have for someone else. Love is the feeling you have when you are with that person."
By this definition, do you believe you really love your husband any longer. It sounds like he has betrayed your trust, self centered, toxic and makes you feel bad. His unwillingness to help you, help you children. Doesn't sound like he loves them any more either.
That he would let his family be homeless, struggle and go without doesn't sound like love either.
You need to become selfish. Thinking about you and the children. He obviously is not going to help. It would be amazing if you didn't feel overwhelmed.
I looked up some resources. That I hope will help. Good luck
2006-09-10 05:52:59 · answer #7 · answered by Balou 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are doing the right thing, You don't need that kind of person in your life with eight kids to take care of. I'm lonely too, but I wouldn't trade that for a drug user.
2006-09-10 05:41:59 · answer #8 · answered by Iron Rider 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sooner you get him out of your life for good - the better. Your feeling really low at the moment but providing you make a clean break and cut all ties the quicker you'l be able to move on with your life. I know its difficult but please think of your kids because if you don't ... they'l throw it back at you when they grow up and blame you for everything thats wrong in their lives. Take it from me....I know what I'm talking about from experience.
2006-09-10 05:49:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get the divorce woman, quickly, then take him to court for child support, a few months in the lockup will motivate him to behave responsibly. Get him out of your life, completely and quickly. He is toxic.
2006-09-10 05:40:48 · answer #10 · answered by Dane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋