Serious responses only.....?

Question

My boyfriend broke up with me last week. Jesse and I were together for a year and 3 months. He broke up with me because he doesn't trust me (that's besides the point) I admit I flirt with many guys, but it doesn't mean that I want to go home with them. Here's the problem.... I just saw my ex in a club with this ugly looking troll. We acknowleged each other, and he introduced this guy as his new boyfriend. I was hurt. The guy is 5'9 about 200 lbs, blonde and blue eyes. I can't believe I was replaced but this troll. I'm 6'2 175 lbs, smart, and good looking, I'm a great catch... What am I doing wrong to deserve this???

ok, fine.... He caught making out and flirting with some guys. But I can't help it thou. I got used of guy's attention.

Yes, I'm a shallow guy, I know that, you guys dont have to tell me. Gay guys judge people, that what we do.. Im talking about gay guys from big cities like Miami, NYC, boston, san fran, forget about the middle states gay boys.

Answer 1

Here is my two cents,
He left you because he felt he couldn't trust you.
When you, in a relationship, behave as though you need someone else through flirting and carrying on like you want other guys, whether you actually are going to or not be with those guys is beside the point, you are sending signals to your partner that your partner isn't good enough and that you need more or you want something else that your partner isn't giving you.

It makes no difference that you had no intention of being with someone else.It's that you behaved as though you wanted to be with someone else.You should have, in my opinion, channeled that flirtatious nature to your partner rather then every cute boy you see.When you are in a real relationship you should only have eyes for the one you love.Perhaps you're not ready yet.Perhaps when you're older or perhaps when you find the right person you will find that you won't need that guy you saw with the nice chest because your partner is all you need.

Now your partner is with someone else.Maybe he chose someone less attractive because someone less attractive is less likely to flirt with others when they have someone already.And perhaps he, your ex, has more different tastes in men then you do.

I am relatively attractive and I have dated both really hot guys and not so hot guys.I trusted and felt secure with the not so hot guys.The hotter the guy the harder it is to keep him or trust him.Everyone in the gay world is always looking for the hotter guy.That is, everyone who is not yet ready for real life which is more then Abrocombie jeans and gym bods.There is simply more to life then flesh and name brands.

Also, beauty fades.True love does not.When you can find true love, then it won't be about something that is going to fade.And if you really want to keep that love try being with him and flirting with him.

You may not like my advice.But it comes from someone who has been around.I am in my 30's now and so I know that the clock is ticking for me.I don't want to be alone because of being picky or being shallow.And I know many guys who are 100% beautiful, even porn material, who date guys far less pretty.Why?Because love is more then skin and bone.

Also, I wanted to add, clubs and bathhouses are not places to meet LTR men.They are places for drinking and hook ups.In case that is where you often meet guys, I would suggest that when you get serious about being with someone you try meeting them in the real world and not in some club.(I am not saying that is where you meet guys but that is often where guys meet and I have never had anything lasting from a guy I met in those kinds of places).

Answer 2

You didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but the fact your ex didn't trust you is, in the immortal words of Margo Channing, "right to the point." Your outward flirtation with other guys may well have made him feel insecure and unable to trust you.

That's still not to say your behavior was wrong, but people have different thresholds. Without having seen your idea of flirtation for myself, it's tough to determine how high (or low) his threshold is, but it's obvious your behavior surpassed it.

The fact you saw him with a troll could mean any number of things. He may feel more secure with someone he feels isn't being sought after by everyone around them. Maybe he wants to be "the pretty one" in the relationship this time. Or the guy could have even just been a friend he introduced that way just to make you jealous.

Again, I haven't actually seen the guy, but I don't put too much value into stats. It's just as possible to have a 6'2" 175lb troll as it is to have a nice looking 5'9" 200lb guy, and I happen to prefer shorter guys. My point is, perhaps your ex thought you were too judgemental or critical. You could be a real nice guy and a great catch, but there's a hint of arrogance in your phrasing, and that could have contributed to your breakup as well.

Answer 3

Well, you flirted with other guys, and the fact that he did not trust you is not "besides the point". He may figure that being with someone good-looking is not paying off the way he hoped it would be. This way being with someone who (subjectively) is regarded as less attractive than you may be safer for him, and may lessen his jealousy.

If you just broke up last week, he's found a quick replacement for you. I can understand how this may hurt, but let's look at the situation again. He may have been quite hurt seeing you going around, and turning other people on. The fact that it may or not have led anywhere is besides the point. It was the availability that you project into the outside world that may have rubbed him the wrong way. You don't get to decide who he sees and what these people look like. You get the reap the fruit of your doing, and move on with it. Looks are one thing, but obviously, not enough to make something last. Maybe you're too superficial and too much into yourself to see him for what he was.

Is Jesse good-looking? Is that why you dated him? Do you feel better-looking that Jesse? If so, maybe it was a way for your physique to be enhanced as well. He may ahve a troll, but one thing is clear. The troll may have him, and you don't. As the saying goes, you reap what you sow.

Now, to get the full official version, you may want to ask Jesse directly. He may even have told you, and though having heard him, you may not have listened to him the way he should have been listened to.

In my work, I am paying attention to what people don't say when they speak...or write in this case. You write that you've been "replaced". That is one way of looking at it, but why choose the word "replace"? You are picking this word. A replacement is a substitute (something similar while not exactly the same to carry out the same original purpose) for something that no longer is useful. He may have been in need of more than physical attraction, and using the word "replace" would mean that you would put youself on the same level as that "troll". I think this is very telling and may need to be looked at.

Answer 4

Well for one, after reading what you wrote I deduce you are somewhat narcissistic, calling another person a troll because of looks makes you pretty ugly in some ways. Now, if you are a flirt and your bf didn't like it, he should have told you and thus you could have worked it out. On another point you said "He broke up with me because he doesn't trust me (that's besides the point)" WRONG! that IS the point, he didn't trust, for whatever reason. Now, you describe yourself as good looking and a great catch, but perhaps you need to climb off the self absorbed tower for awhile and join us mere mortals. I suspect your attitude has a lot do with your problem. Sorry to be harsh but you do fit the mold of the shallow queer.

Answer 5

You're being a little shallow. What you may not find attractive he might. I doubt he is doing it to make you jealous, he would have had to planned to have you see the two of them together, and that's just too much work. He has found someone that makes him happy. Maybe he thinks that because his new bf isn't all that in the looks dept he doesn't need to worry about him whoring around with other guys. I'd say if you two were together that long you should have been the bigger person, grown up a little inside, and just remained faithful to the relationship.

Answer 6

Your problem is three fold.
1) he didn't trust you and you think 'that's beside the point'. It is in fact most likely the entire point. You have given him reason to not trust you and then blew off his concerns like they didn't matter.
2) you sound like you're fairly stuck up. 'I'm smart and good looking, he's a troll...' why would anyone want to be around you?
3) you're not smart enough to see that this is what you're doing to deserve this.

I don't know you, I have no interest one way or the other in how this turns out, I neither love you nor hate you, and I'm not gay so I'm not hoping to free you up so I can get you. I am being honest and candid with you.

Answer 7

Maybe the failure of your relationship is that your partner takes you seriously and he expect you to treat him in the same level. Although you sound so confident with your physical outlook(great indeed) and so forth,it makes him more insecure to not jealous of you flirting with other guys. Of course,it hurts him but I can totally understand your being too horny at times with guys and the attraction that you are getting from other partners. But now, my question to you is, Do you still loved him that much or just a plain Jealousy attitude since you are being replaced accordingly to you to unattractive guy,maybe,he done it intentionally to hurt you by replacing, a Beauty to a not so Beast.(am I right?) But i doubt, it,I think he still loves you. Give him time to straightened it out,who knows he might come back to you and Live ever after. If it doesn't work, don't die. Just email us,we're here for you,okay! Be good.

Answer 8

I totally feel where you are right now, I am the same way too, I love to flirt, but I don't cheat, its the knowledge of you can get any guy you want, you want to know you still have "it", but I had to get over this and stop flirting cause I have learned that flirting only leads to bad things if you already have someone you care about, there is a wall you need to reach where you choose him over those flirts, speakin from personal expirence, if the guy is really worth it to you, he is all you need, then don't let anything get in the way of that, and believe me I know that if you stop flirting, your gonna feel like your holding yourself back and can't be yourself, but once you get the the point in the relationship where you choose the guy over the flirts, then it won't feel that way, it won't feel like a sacrafice, cause the feeling you have for each other will be enough for you

Answer 9

You got exactly what you deserve. From what you posted, you are a whore and have ZERO personality. What a catch! Why would you care what his rebound bf looks like? Obviously he has something that you don't. You mentioned that you are "smart" .. you seem clueless. Guys like you are dime-a-dozen.

EDIT: My answer is based on your question with details. YOU may actually be more thoughtful and "real" than you are letting on - insecurities. And for the record, not all guys in big cities berate other gay guys. I live in Los Angeles, and keep company with actors and models. We don't sit around judging each other based on looks. We desire more than a pretty face ... thats why we are all successful. YOU have to learn to delineate looks versus substance.

Answer 10

Beauty is in the eyes of the holder my dear and I see if it hurts you that much your not over him completely and maybe your boyfriend could feel and even see that good for him he left I couldn't stay with my g/f if she flirted with many women due to flirting can and sometimes ends up to many things...
maybe one day when you find true love you will see that all u want to do is flirt with the one you love than ones you hardly know no matter how harmless it maybe it hurts the other one that's with you.
I'm not saying you can't be nice and have fun with friends and strangers but flirting around can be damaging...
just a lesbian 2 cents...