Am i just being paranoid??

Question

After a series of arguments with my partner, we both felt the need to have a bit of space from one another. We are in constant touch with each other and the love and affection is still there. Recent events including my serious illness which i am recovering from now caused a lot of stress and arguments. What i want to know is how you rekindle that spark with each other. We are always telling each other that we love each other and miss each other but what else can we do. We have been apart for 10 days now and seen each other once since the "break"!

Answer 1

Well, there are pros and cons to this separation. After a serious illness where there were stress and arguments, it could be that you both need time to decompress. I would say that was true for any arguments. I've experienced the need to be away from someone I loved so that I could get my bearings, sort it out with friends, write it out in a journal, look for the ultimate truth in the other person's perspective. All of this without discarding the other person. Then, too, I recognize the risk of the loss of connection to a person I'm taking a break from with such an absence. I know that a sound relationship CAN just kind of disappear into the ether with prolonged absence. It happens when we feel the relief of being apart, then begin the process of mulling over the difficulties (what he said/did, what I said/did). Then there comes a point where I have wanted to jump out of my skin and escape thought and deed--go out, experience something that takes my mind off of the issues and, on occasion, off of the other person. After a month of separation, I've sometimes gone too far away as has the other person. We each, after all, are traveling our month distance away at the same time. Sometimes, we've not been able to reconnect. I think that you probably both should be using this time to find the truth in each other's perspective. Don't waste this time or it just disappears without benefit. Whatever the issues, determine the culpability of each of you and then determine if the love can handle the flexing that would need done by one or both of you to facilitate greater love and more gentle methods of getting your/his-her needs met. I've said this in other posts and it bears repeating here: Love is not an adjective. It is a verb. We can all say we love each other but the guts of love is what we will do in service of our love for one another. There are certains aspects of ourselves that we can eliminate if we love someone and then there are certain aspects that we just can't. But each is determined by the value we place on the love we feel for the other and the love we feel coming from them. It is really, truly a give and take proposition. Your illness could have left your partner feeling as depleted, though in different ways, as it made YOU feel. Your partner may be recovering in different ways and where it was your illness that was stressful and taxing to him, his need for separation from you seems logical, now that you're in recovery.

Beyond this, use this time for yourself, to develop greater depth of character or knowledge or compassion.....or any other number of attributes. Experience your life without this person. With this time off, away from one another, see if there are changes you'd like to make, have wanted to make, and make them. Your life need not go on hold.

Answer 2

Start again. Initially go on a few dates together, but go to different venues from which you're both used to going. You need to create new memories for a new start. Build the relationship up as you would if you had just met. Now, obviously you know each other extremely well already, but this can add the situation. By not going 'home' with each other at the end of the night for a few weeks, will build up some positive sexual tension which is a must in a relationship. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well first off a serious illness is a lot of stress for anyone to go through. Not knowing the out come of the illness. Plus you both probably said somethings you never meant to say. If you love each other as much as you say it should come natural for you to think of ways to get back together. You know in your heart what you want to say or do . So follow it. If the words " I'm sorry for all the stress my illness put us through and I'm sorry for the things i said " Then the words should come natural from there on out .
If you both love each other so much it should take no time for you both to be together again.

Answer 4

10 days is a long time in relationship terms to be apart. the best thing to do is just take it slowly. Maybe just meet up for a romantic dinner where you can enjoy each other's company till you are ready.

Answer 5

separation really isn't the answer, you need to be together to talk things through, nothing will get resolved if you are apart, you can then decide either to sever all ties or be back together on a permanent basis, maybe a bit of compromise is the answer, good luck

Answer 6

no your not paronoid 10 days a part is long time if you truley love each other... tell him that you cant wait it out any longer and you want to know where you stand now.

Answer 7

im so sorry but if you havent seen each other for 10 days its either because he doesnt feel the same or you dont ask yourself really is it still there

Answer 8

try candle light dinner, if you guys are meant to be then you will, sometimes what we think is love is actually 'a habit, careness' rather than 'love'. we call it love coz it feels better. Anyway i hope it works out for you...fingers cross...

Answer 9

sounds stupid but go on a pretend first date, treat it like youve just met again and maybe youll realise what was there in the first place.

Answer 10

Solve the arguements and go back to what works for you two.