You know someone is trying to provoke / force you !!?

Question

I am v short tempered.My sister in law uses this as my weak point & does her things smilingly by telling / doing someting which i dont like.She is also trying to break my f'ship with another friend of mine.My friend is v timid but smart.She also hurt me 3days bak as she is younger to my sis in law & we all r relatives.If I clarify with my sis in law it hurts her ego,she is bad,v revengeful.I hve experienced it before.I am alrdy under medication bcos of her.I cannot tk her tantrums anymore.((1))What do I do to NOT to show her that Im angry (even if i m frm within) ((2))I tried to talk 2my friend 2day,but she answered smartly,denying,giving reasons tht she dint hurt me purposely.HOW TO KEEP UP MY F'SHIP WITH MY FRIEND.I DONT WANT TO LOSE HER AS I DONT HAVE ANY FRIEND TO GO OUT OTHER THAN HER.PLEASE DONT ASK ME TO LEAVE HER. SUGGEST about my sis in law too.Ur suggestions wud be of great help to me.
thanks.

Suggest something practical pls.

Answer 1

My suggestion would be that - people push or provoke because it's benefitting them in some way....
It's pointless to do something that has no positive effect...
so your sister in law provokes because it pleases her to see you blow your top...

I say...stay cool and smile....smile until you just can't and then slowly leave the area...
find space and time to vent...and let it go...calm down and then return.

You are pretty much stuck for life with in-laws...grin and bear it.

Friends come and go. True friends stay because they want to.
If your friend does not value the friendship, she will move on no matter what you say or do...why be friends with someone that makes you crazy. So trust the friendship to be strong enough to endure...and if it's not - let it go.

Sister in law is your focus and I would say - never - ever - let her win by getting the best of you or making you raise your voice...
she isn't worth it.

or is she...

Answer 2

All relationships need limits whether they are friendships, sibling relations, mate/lovers, business relations, etc. On some level, all limit setting means saying "no." However, it is usually a qualified nay that says what, where, when, and under what circumstances you will give or not give to another person.

If you have long-term feelings of resentment, anger, manipulation, being treated as unimportant, etc., you probably need to set some limits in your relationship.

There are five steps to limit setting:

1. Choosing to set limits. You will tolerate a difficult relationship situation just as long as you choose to tolerate it. You are the one choosing to set boundaries in place.

2. Identify the source of your feelings. It often takes some real soul-searching on your part to figure out the source of your anger or resentment.

3. Decide where to set the limits. Think about the entire situation. Consider your time, emotions, and means. Then consider whether you are helping the other person or merely allowing them avoid or postpone his/her own problem solving. Aim to do something to help the other person without taking on the whole problem.

4. Express the limits clearly. For example, you say to your friend, "I will loan you up to $200.00 no more than once every three months. And I expect each loan to be repaid within three months and certainly before you can borrow more."

You say to another friend, "You can stay here for three weeks but you must help me with expenses and cooking and definitely find your own place before the three weeks is up."

You say to your newly divorced friend who calls often to rehash her hurt and anger, "I have to go in five minutes."

5. Stick to your limits.You are not responsible for making the other person obey the limits. You are only responsible for following the limits yourself and for reinforcing them.

Answer 3

I understand I think.

About 25 years ago I got tired of living in the eye of family and people that thought they needed to interfear in my life. So I moved over 100 miles away from them all. I only see one of them maybe every 5 to 10 years. Life is so much better now.

I know you don't want to lose your friend or as you said your only friend. So try spaceing your self away from the main trouble maker. I don't mean you have to move halfway across the state but get rid of the sister-in-law

Answer 4

As a person that used to rather enjoy provoking people to have a conniption fit, i can tell you flat out that the more you raise hell over her comments, the more she will say them. Either learn to control your response, or stay away from her as much as possible. As a wise old lady once said, you cannot control what people say to you, but you CAN control how you react to it!

Answer 5

I suggest anger management