i've been with my husband 5 years and married 2. i am finding it very hard to have sex anymore. i don't enjoy it and don't want to do it. i think it might be the start of menopause (i'm 46). i don't know. i have no sex drive and just find it a chore. i love my husband vey much but this is killing us. i don't want to have an affair cause that doesn't thrill me either. i don't know what to do. don't tell me to go to the dr. i find it hard to even fake it any more. please help.
2006-09-10 03:04:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i just went to the ob/gyn in april and ended up having an ovary removed due to cysts.
it could be stress. i hate my job have trouble with the step kids...... we do go and do things together and have alone time but even the change of atmosphere doesn't help. i used to really enjoy sex when i was single and could have a variety of guys. maybe it's the same old repetitive stuff??
2006-09-10 03:22:47 · update #1
I think its stress. You can't do it with a zillion other things running in your thoughts. De-stress yourself. I guess that'll help.
2006-09-10 03:11:44 · answer #1 · answered by clear-n-content 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same thing happen to me, and I'm only 23. I had cysts on my ovaries and had surgery, as well. I was not the same afterwards, either! Your hormones change when certain parts of your reproduction system are removed. Since hormones are produced and thrive from your various parts, it's only natural that the whole system would be thrown off from the removal of an ovary.
I would just say, give it time. That's what I did (I had my surgery 2 years ago), and it does come back eventually!!!
Until my drive came back, I had to do everything to make myself feel as sexy as possible. Take a bath before hand, put nice lotion on, dress sexy, etc.
Good luck!
2006-09-10 10:28:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I to have the same problem. don't even want people touching me..just feels very nasty now.. I am through menopause now. and i tell you the though of sex makes me sick to my stomach. but I let him have it once in a while..wish men went through the same things we did so that they would understand. I started going through menapause when i was in my fortys also.. and I just made it through it maybe about 2 1/2 years ago and i am now going to be the double 5's.
it takes a long time of suffering with hot flashes and all of that good stuff. major mood swings.
thank god all of my kids were grown and out of the house. I couldn't imagine going through this will kids around. good luck and hope knowing that others are going through the same thing and have the same feelings about it helps.. It is normal and you will just have to sit your hubby down and explain it to him so he understands where you are coming from. that it isn't because you don't love him it is a physical thing.
doctors do have some meds that help but i don't like doctors and don't go unless i am dying so i don't take anything.. suffer is what i do.. good luck and i hope you can talk to him so he understands.
2006-09-10 10:37:59 · answer #3 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you may not want to hear it but you should go to the doctor. You may feel embarrassed but to the doctor you are just another woman going through it and it's confidential. Now, if you are going through menopause, not only will the doctor be able to tell you that you are or not but he/she will be able to help with you symptoms. If you are not going through menopause you may be going through some other hormonal change or even something worse that may be affecting your hormones. If you love your husband, as you say, the best thing for you to do is to go to the doctor...assuming that it's not the method that your husband is using. So, first talk to your husband if you haven't done so and then go to the doctor...it could be more than your sex life but your life that may be in jeopardy. Best wishes and take care.
2006-09-10 10:11:00 · answer #4 · answered by mothergoose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not different --- like one person said, sex all the time is like meat loaf every day. Estertest is the med usually given to women to ramp up their libido, and it works ---- sometimes. Secondly, There is a book that you should both read "For You Both" by Lonnie Barbach. She is THE sex therapist in the country today. Both of you should read it, and do the exercises. Get it cheap by thursday on Amazon.com. There are no guarantees, women just usually can't in the long run keep up with men--- they were sorta built that way---- always an erection, and ready to screw anything. Not being crude, here, just honest. But sex is a bonding thing, for both of you. And this book describes how to get out of ruts we all get into.
2006-09-10 10:27:38 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. After so many years of having sex with my husband it's just flat out annoying any more. I'm 36 so I don't know if menopause is to blame. I simply have sex just to please him now not us. I've been trying to work on that and have noticed that when I shop for new lingerie it helps. Makes you feel sexy again. Get some satin sheets. Anything that creates that sexy feeling helps. A little alcohol seems to rev up my engine.
2006-09-10 10:16:14 · answer #6 · answered by sweet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have romantic nights out. Im young and have no advice on the possible woman problems. But maybe you guys should sit down and talk about it seriously. Sometimes everyone goes through times where they dont want sex and dont enjoy it. Maybe a weekend out. Rent a nice hotel, light some candles and just explore eachothers bodies in detail. take baths together and just try to get as close as possible without pushing yourself mentally about it.
Best of luck to you.
2006-09-10 10:10:04 · answer #7 · answered by upsidedown1783 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please do whatever you can to try to make it better. Try to recreate the things that attracted you to him in the first place. Go to the doctor, go to GNC, search online, there are a lot of physical things that can help you as far as chemically. You can also try to enhance things by visiting an adult store like "Ambiance for Lovers" or "Lover's Lane" some places that do tittilation tastefully. But please don't give up. I know it is hard for you, but I am on the other side of the unequal sex drive story. PLEASE make it work with him. If you're not willing to receive counselling or advice from a doctor, you are not being fair to your spouse. You promised in your vows to make it work. Keep your word and make good on that promise.
2006-09-10 10:30:22 · answer #8 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I realize that you said you don't want to go to the Doctor. But, honestly, that is exactly what you should do. Even better yet, make sure you go see your Gyno. He/She will be able to help you figure out what is going on. My other suggestion is counseling for you and your spouse. Maybe there is something a little more deep seeded, for you. Think about your previous relationships, were there problems. (abuse, rape) Maybe you need to work through the past to make the present better.
2006-09-10 10:10:13 · answer #9 · answered by heskett6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not go to Dr. This is a medical thing and there are ways to "help" you get thru it!! Do some research on it and even join a yahoo group to help out!! Good luck!! I am 41 and going thru perimenopause. Remember this is a normal thing in life!! God Bless!!!!
2006-09-10 10:09:19 · answer #10 · answered by mustanglady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are saying that your age is 46 and this the age where ladies will enter in to mopause stage. now-a-days there are many medicenes where came into existence. I think that frist you may consult a good lady doctor, so that you may tell her your problems by this you may get required treatment and you can also participate in sex with your husband.
2006-09-10 10:16:37 · answer #11 · answered by CHINNARI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋