What should i do?

Question

Married 8 years Been together 13 years.......no prior sexual partners before for either of us. ages 31 and 34. 3 kids

i am the male 31

We both love each other, i love my kids and i dont want to be away from them, We have a great freindship. The problem is our sexual relatioship. I dont have any sexual feelings towards her anymore. I have cheated on her twice recently. I love her and dont want to be away from her or the kids. I dont want to cheat anymore, what should i do?what would you do?

Answer 1

You poooor guy. You don't want to disrupt your marriage, or lose your kids- so you went out and cheated TWICE. Golly, that does show a real commitment to your marriage, and an obvious concern for your children. Folks like you are laughable. Boo Hoo. "I just want to jump into the river- I don't want to get wet." "I want to drink a quart of liquor every day, i just don't want to get drunk." You cheated because you wanted to cheat. You can yammer on about loving your wife and family, but when your peepee was hard, you cared more for getting some strange woman than you cared about the wife and kids. What should you do? Well, I'd suggest you grow up. Life is never perfect. decide what you want. Extra women, or your wife and kids. Then, behave appropriately.

Answer 2

First, some of these people out here should never try to answer some of these questions as they have no idea what theyre talking about. Sounds like neither of you actually had a life before marriage so you never experienced anything else. 13 yrs together is a long time with just each other. Youve basically become too complacent/comfortable with each other. In other words youve hit a spot where youre bored with your present situation and are probably beginning to wonder if this is all this is to life. Everyday becoming exactly like every other day and nothing changes. So you seek excitement elsewhere and the reason you probably cheated; for the excitement and see what you missed years ago. You two werent really ready to settle down, lone less ready for marriage and its responsiblities. You found that you didnt really miss anything, and should have done this years ago, but now you feel guilty and are starting to have the normal guilty feelings that come with cheating. You have broken the trust of your marriage and have no idea what to do. This is where you have to be the man and step up and confess what youve done to your wife. Explain to her it was a stupid mistake and you want to save your marriage and are willing and ready to do whatever it takes. Marriage counseling could help but only if both parties want the same result. Marriage counseling basically lets you solve your own problems with the help of a referee. It doesnt always work and is not for everybody. Kind of a last resort thing. This is provided she doesnt throw you out or worse when you tell her. If you dont youll have to live with the tremendous guilt that will eat you alive, and youll run the chance of divorce but then you did this and her. This comes down to two things; 1. its not having what you want, but wanting what you have, and 2. if you want something bad, youll take a risk, but if you want something bad enough, youll risk everything. Good luck

Answer 3

Check out if you can still enjoy spending time with her, I mean just her. Try and take her for an outing and understand how you feel when u spend an entire day with her. Are you still able to be at peace with each other without saying a word at times? Are you still able make each other smile, laugh......? If yes, then you are basically still good partners and only need a booster on the sexual front.

For this, I'd recommend that your broach the topic carefully at an opportune time and let her know if you'd like her to change her look to something that excits you. Give her time and if she understands you right, she'll figure out ways to bring in excitement into your sex life.

Another approach, take one of her best friends into confidence (if you can trust any of them that much, that is). Let her friend talk your wife into a different look and different techniques, etc. It might be easier for her friend to do it as a girl talk kind of thing.

I do hope things work out for you. You seem to be a doting dad - spend more time doing things with your children to help you divert your energies into something positive instead of cheating on your wife and feeling bad about it later.

Answer 4

p'haps you could go see a sex therapist together? it sounds a bit hippie but they might be able to offer professional advice.. the sex thing always wanes out of relationships - do not cheat anymore if you respect your partner and yourself, and want a better relationship - seek help. you cant change what youve done already but sort it out now.. work on whatever's missing from your relationship, and put it back in. p.s i hope you were careful when you had those affairs - the last thing you want is to sort things out with your partner only for a past affair to turn up with a baby thats yours or an STD...

Answer 5

Does she know about the unfaithfulness? Did you ever try talking to her about this? Is there something that she doesn't do that you wish she would do or something that she does that you don't like? You really need to have an open relationship when it comes to it....sometimes you might feel embarrassed or shy talking about these things but she is your partner...and supposed to be your ONLY partner for life. "Til death" parts you both. Maybe you can work this out. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 6

If you still love your wife, you should try to make your sexual relationship working with her and be happy with her or talk to her and try to make good communication together. Be a good husband for her. If you still have no feelings for her, you should find out the reason why you don't or you might need to talk to some counselings.

Answer 7

First, I think it's good that you don't want to cheat anymore. I would hang in there. As a Christian, I would take the opportunity to let God meet some needs that I had never even imagined he could meet. I would also try to be the best husband and dad I could be.

Answer 8

Oh, i wish you didn't cheat on her.
But what happened had happened.
Either you tell your wife the truth and go to see a marriage counselor together, or keep all of this in your mind and deal with it deep inside of you.
Consult to a marriage specialist. That would be the most effective and helpful way.

Answer 9

Work together....remember that when you cheat you are hurting your children and her. Are you not physically attracted to her, or have you just grown apart? Unfortunately when some marry too young, they grow apart, you can try talking to your pastor, or a therapist for marriages. DO NOT stay in it for thekids, because you will continue to cheat. If you want to try and make it work then keep your member in your pants and remember you have kids.....if your wife found out not only would it hurt her, but if she chose to divorce you, she could bring up adultry charges....

I would try to work it out, keep your families out of it, it's you and your wife that need to learn how to mend and repair...BUT do not attempt to mend and repair, if you cannot stick to it and give her 100%

Answer 10

try talking to her about it. Sometimes outside help is good. Research different ways of making love and try them. There might be ways of making you sexually attracted to her again, but only if she is willing to help. Sit down and have a serious talk. Everyone needs sex and not being able to be happy with the one you love is a big step to a life of unhappyness.

Best of luck to you.