When someone see's a differene side in you that they don't like, will that side be able to be kept hidden?

Question

I have had a hard time recently and have split with my girlfriend.

My granny died on 23rd July 2006 and her funeral was on 1st August 2006. On the 7th August 2006 I was diagnosed with depression by my doctor.

I fealt so low and did not know what the next step was. I was given anti-depresants but chose not to take them as I don't want to take them for the rest of my life.

I have mood swings and they were always directed at Laura my girlfriend.

On 23rd August 2006, I decided to take a break from her to get my head around things. Went home to see my parents and also went up to Scotland to scatter my granny's ashes. And also to Cumbria to see my grandparents.

We split up on 7th September 2006 and a feel realy down. I have done what I should have done ages ago. Written all my problems down and tried to sort them out.

I read a text message from a few weeks ago and it was from Laura saying 'hurry up and get better as I want the Paul I fell in love with back'.

I fealt so hurt that I never took it in the first time.

What I am getting at is;

Can the side of me that was nasty to her be hidden from her?

I love her to buts and have been with her for 2 years and really can say that I will give the rest of my life to spend with her.

I am giving her some space so she can think about a few things.

I know she would never cheat on me and know she still loves me. She is just angry because of the way I treaed her.

She is only 22 and this is the first time she has dealt with someone with depression so I will give her that.

I believe we are both wrong as we have encouraged each other to argue during out low times.

When I was low I'm sure it had an affect on her making her feel the same.

I really want to make it up to her and make her feel so special. I have been nasty, although I have depression, I could have made her feel better!

I love you Laura if you read this xx

Answer 1

Why would you go to a doctor about your problem, and then reject his advice? I suggest you do as he advised. Then, perhaps you can get control of your mind and emotions. Then, the girlfriend problem can be worked out. Your depression has affected you, so it not a great idea to try to tough it out on your own. Cuz, it isn't working very well.

Answer 2

Depression is not something new and you need not to be ashamed of. In fact I consider you courageous enough to admit it. Things like this do happen - to anyone.
Stress in life, death of a loved one, new job, new environment etc, all adds up and triggers it off. The point is not to let it get out of pro potion. Remember, you don't have to fight this alone. There are so many people out there that can help, numerous organisations, counsellors, therapist, friends and the list goes on.
The thing to remember to is that it can be recovered and you don't need to hide you bad side once you have dealt with the root cause. Cheer up. Look at the bright side. Life is worth living for, more so with such an understanding girlfriend of yours. Its manageble and its transient. Press on..

Answer 3

You need to sort out which of the 'bad' part is really you and which is a symtom of the depression. Ppl who are clinically depressed can be irritable and stressed in their dealings with others. If you go on antidepressents they may help you get through the pain you are experiencing {emotionally}. It is possible to wean yourself off them again. You should get some help / advice because you're not doing a good job on your own. Face up to that and get help or you'll lose everyone you love after sometime.

Answer 4

God, that last line, really nice. You can't help having had a depression, it's a terrible thing to go through, and no, she has to take the good with the bad if she loves you, you have to show her the complete you, if she can only accept the healthy you, then that's not on, even in marriage ceremonies, it says, in sickness and in health. Would you love all of her if it had been the other way around ?

Answer 5

Firstly why did you split with your girlfriend? What has she done, she probably did not know what to do.

Depression does funny things to you, makes you feel weird.

My mum died in 97 so did my grandad and my husbands grandma.

I had a car crash in 2001, lucky to escape.

My dad died in 2005, through all of this my husband helped me.

If Laura wants you to hurry up and get better, she should get a move on and get back with you, before some other girl does.

Answer 6

It was wrong for her to pressure you.
You did the right thing by putting the relationship on hold so that you can sort out your problems. You knew what you needed to do, but don't let her interfere with your healing yourself. If you two are really in love, explain to her that you need time and if she loves you, really loves you, she'll wait for you.
One more note - depression is anger turned inwards, so to get through it, you need to figure out what it is that you've turned inward and forgive the person(s) that wronged you in order to get past the anger. Sometimes, you might even be mad at yourself, and forgiving yourself is harder than forgiving others. Medications sometimes can slow the process of realization and forgiveness.
You're on the right track. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Awwwwwwww how sweet.. but first of all u need to get some help with ur depression ur letting it ruin ur life.. 2nd of all.. ur willing to spend the rest of ur life with her.. yet when things get hard in ur life, u dismiss her ????? She needs to beable to be there for u , when things go wrong.. u need to let her be there for u.. but if every time life throws u a huge curve ball ur going to climb into ur shell and close her out, it will never work.. marriage and life.. are both very difficult..at times, and she needs to know that ur not going to bail on her and possible kids down the road just because life throws u a curve ball.. she needs u to stand by herside, and she needs to be able to stand by yours.. Depression sux i know ive suffered with it for over 10 years.. and it doesnt get better unless u make it get better, and its extremely hard to come over it with out help from professionals.. i know.. cause i thought like u .. that i could manage it on my own.. Hence why 10 years later and i am still trying to cope with it.. sont make the same mistakes.. sounds like u have a girl that really loves u , and ur pushing her away from u.. when u should be pulling her towards u.. she deserves a man that she can lean on and that will lean on her as well , not one that bolts when life hands u lemons..

Answer 8

you are ill you have to remember that. It isnt you that is 'nasty' it is your illness making you behave like that. Have some space from her and sort your head out first, a lot has happened to you. Consider taking the anti-depressants, your doctor will have prescribed them at a safe dose and should review regulally. Good luck anyway, hope you get better and it all works out for you x

Answer 9

No Dear, what has been revealed can never be hidden again, because she is aware of it. But what you can do, is what you are doing-that is, dealing with it.
Anti-depressants arent meant to be used forever, in most cases. Analyzing your feelings, and dealing with them are a positive step forward. You must first get your life straight, and then return to her. Let her know tho' that you love her, and what you are trying to do, as she may feel so rejected that she moves on. Good luck paul. So proud to see that you can face your problems and deal with them, as many people can not.
As you learn what your triggers are, you have to learn ways to cope with them, and in turn, ways to supress and move around them, thus, u are able to modify your behavior, not hide it.

Answer 10

your grieving....grieving atkes time, you canno just switch off in a heartbeat.....you have mixed emotions right now....you have just lost someone that you dearly loved.....as a result you have also dumped your girl, it's not her fault that you lost a family member, she is obviously there to support you, let her in....she needs you and you need her, dont take any funny pills from the doc, they can become dependant, take a little time out with yourself, have a good think abotu what you really want, but if i were you....go get laura and tell her whats going on in your head and tell her how you feel....but most of all tell her you love her, she obviously wants you, i think it's a little unfair that you left her, call her or text her let her know that you need time but you will be there when your ready, dont leave it too long...you may lose her too