After a short-period of normal sex life, my husband began telling me (for months/years!) he was "dead down there" from the medication he was taking. Then I discovered that he had simply removed me from the porn equation (I had previously enjoyed it with him from time to time), and was choosing to have sex with himself (and these porno women) instead of with me.
He & his therapist try to assure me "it's not me" and that he has no anxiety or pressure from these cyber-sluts, but I am not sure I buy it. I think they both could be using his anxiety and depression as excuses for true addiction, potentially because they just haven't considered it.
How would we know?
And WHY does lack of interest in your wife occur with these men, really? Because "real" women with "real" bodies and boobs and preferences bear no similarity to these cyber-sluts, and so the man no longer can be attracted to his wife?
Trying to understand and soothe my ego. Don't want to hate my husband.
2006-09-10 00:50:28 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Men's Health
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I should have been clearer about his therapist's comments: my husband knows I have a healthy sex drive and he feels pressured by this fact, and the fear (from his low self-esteem) that since I enjoy sex and he can't give it to me (frequently/sometimes/ever), that I must be looking/getting it elsewhere.
So in order to "keep me home", he tries to have sex with me and fails (premature ej or can't get it/keep it up) -- so now I'm lonely AND disappointed (in his mind) so he just stops altogether and only finds relief with these girls from internet pictures or videos on the movie network after hours... you see, they don't have needs so there is no pressure. This is what the therapist deduced.
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2006-09-10 02:41:17 · update #1
the major symptom of being addicted to porn is a desire for more porn, it has a life of its own, totally independent of ones partner.since men are stimulated by sight, whereas women, by words, it's difficult for a woman to understand fully that addiction, just like a man's constant never ending need for sex, i suppose the answer is locked away in the biological differences in the sexes.
however it can be a result of a dull, routine, predictable sex life, void of adventure, creativity and imagination. the best advice sister is to ask and listen to the sexual needs of your husband, negotiate what's possible now and what can be explored over a given period, in exchange for him gradually dropping the porn habit, hey, it took time for him to get to that point, email me, and let me know how it's going, tflprivate@yahoo.com PS. (you see, i was once him)
2006-09-10 01:43:26 · answer #1 · answered by believer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men use pictures to get in the mood/fantasize. We don't even really see the pics as real or fake women. More of an idea than anything.
If he is no longer having sex with you it may be because he feels emotionally detatched or that the things that turn him on are things he can't do to you or with you because he doesn't see you like that. It is hard to say without talking to him.
Bottom line is that his therapist knows about his issues already.
Being addidcted would be having to have the porn everyday, several times a day. So much so that it would interfere with normal life.
2006-09-10 00:59:18 · answer #2 · answered by sshazzam 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even for a "normal" person, exposure to porn has a desensitizing effect -- partly because porn is "bigger than real life" and partly because porn is safe, i.e., one does not have to have a relationship with another person.
It's not only porn that works against good relationships. Movies and books with "happily ever after" endings also work against relationships because we start to believe that something is wrong after the bells and fireworks die away.
Also, I think the therapist is unprofessional in stating an opinion on what's going on in your husband's mind. I would find a new therapist.
2006-09-10 01:00:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many men want variety in sex. They want their wives to dress in a particular way. They want to try different postures,locations,and styles to enjoy sex. An intelligent wife can grasp what type of variation he likes and offer it to him. Some men want their wives to change their thoughts, emtions and hobbies. Women succed in weaning away their husbands from porn.
2006-09-10 01:11:12 · answer #4 · answered by J.SWAMY I ఇ జ స్వామి 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes a fool Nataleeee.
Ill look at you photos and dream any day
2006-09-10 07:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never put up with that . Our vowels said Cleve unto only her
not satisfy yourself .
2006-09-10 01:23:11 · answer #6 · answered by Geedebb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋