I've met a man who recently seperated from his wife. We've known each other for 1 week and he tells me he thinks he loves me! i really think he could be the 1 but i don't want to get hurt if i am just there to take his mind of his wife. Help me someone please i'm really falling for him.
2006-09-09 23:54:19 · 31 answers · asked by emzie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Love or lust it does not matter. Enjoy what you have while you have it- if it was meant to be it will happen, if not then you had fun in the interim
2006-09-09 23:58:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When someone rebounds they often look to another to be everything their previous partner wasn't, like he has found a new perfect solution. And it works !!! The unpleasantness and aloneness of the separation is masked and compensated by the rebound.
He could believe he loves you, because he sees you as the answer to all his prayers but remember he is also very vulnerable and hasn't really worked out what he wants next.
He could be the one but he could also not be. He could be a very good man that has just come available, you may not want to miss the opportunity.
I would guess you are looking for a solid relationship so my advice is that you need to great care here, you need to take it slow. Solid relationships take time to build and it's best if both partners are over breakups etc. We all know though that this isn't a perfect world, and we would hate it if it was, even though the ideas is sometimes nice !! Sometimes very beautiful things can come from much imperfection!
So if you can make this work it might be the making of your life but remember it also may not be. Don't delude yourself, keep your feet on the ground and take it slowly and if you take this man on in a relationship you must be strong. Every time he tells you he loves you tell him, i hope you do but you're on the rebound and I'll believe it in six months time when you are truly over your breakup.
This does not mean stop seeing him, it just means if you see him you must develop a strength to not completely fall for him until enough time has passed for you to really know. Tell him you are not putting all your eggs in one basket just yet because he's not in the right space, say he's worth the wait and you're going to reserve judgment to find out.
If there are kids or lots of history between the man and his ex wife where they keep splitting up and coming back together be double cautious and even more reserved, if it gets too much for you are probably best to find someone else. You found him so there will be another along soon.
Be wary because he had problems with his ex wife and visa versa, you need to understand what these are because people develop patterns of behavior when they are with other people and these patterns may find themselves being played out again. He loves you now but he could find all the faults that he had with his ex wife in you, these will probably not be faults in reality with you, just stuff that he developed in his past relationship to cope or get what he wanted. You both have a white slate right now but it's worth talking in detail about what happened with his wife, try to be objective about it and try and get him to talk about it although chances are he may not want to. If it's difficult and you're challenged tell him your committed to finding out about him as a person (not committed to becoming a partner...that comes much later) which is the first step to starting something good. Alternatively you could talk about what you did wrong and right in your last relationships and he may open up. Once you have the information you can manage it better.
For your own sake don't do anything too radical like move into together!!
And as for love, I guess you know all of this, but you can give your love to people an get their love back and they may not end up being your life partner. My view is that in today's world love isn't enough it must be accompanied by compatibility. But sometimes you have to work on the compatibility to see whether it will work or not while building and making love. These are two different things the building of solid foundations (love) is different than being on the funfair (making love) and of course we all want to be at the funfair bonding with that special person but it doesn't necessarily build the foundations of a relationship. And of course why should we deny each other the experiences of the funfair while mixing the foundations.
You make your own rules, there is no right way just your way, and don't let anyone tell you any different.
\My view is that life is too short to stop making and building love and partnership, get carried away but outside of the bedroom remember to keep your feet firmly on the ground. Reality is actually really sexy !
2006-09-10 08:15:55 · answer #2 · answered by lifeontrack2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got it in one already.
He isn`t and couldn`t possibly be over his life long partner and the life that he was so use too.
He is disguising it by using you as a memory depressant,and maybe yourself has a problem,as you say you are falling for him,and that is within a week,seriously you need to stop and realise you enjoy having someone to do for and only want to mother him.
Why did his wife and he seperate in the first place?
There are 2 sides to a story when 2 people are involved,you may not like what you hear,but you need to find out what you are letting yourself in for.
2006-09-10 07:07:15 · answer #3 · answered by asmoothrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it. What is he really like if he for real falls in love with someone after one week. Do you think he is honest!!
Sounds dodgey to me. GIve it some time. Last time i had this experience the wife asked him back as soon as she found out he was interested in someone else. So be very very careful.
2006-09-10 07:50:54 · answer #4 · answered by Susie Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He thinks he loves you and you think he could be the one. In all probability, he might not be in love with you and you too might not be in love with him. Give it some more time and if you both cannot live without each other then only you can be sure. Besides, what is the guarantee the same poison that killed his first marriage would not kill the second one? Keep him away to be happy.
2006-09-10 07:24:03 · answer #5 · answered by jade60 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take things slow.
You don't want to throw this away, as it could be "The One".
If he makes you happy, then go with the flow.
Even though he has only recently separated from his wife, he could have been unhappy for sometime, so he could be ready to be in a new, happy relationship.
Make sure you talk to him. Tell him your fears and hopes for the future.
Good Luck
2006-09-10 07:16:29 · answer #6 · answered by missluly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are just being blinded by his halo...
you are just confused, you said that he is separated from his wife recently, may he said that he likes you because he saw in you the things that his wife doesn't posses,
you only know him for about 1 week and you could say that you love him already, how fast is that?
think again my dear you might be confused right now...
find a single man, it will bring you no problem...
you will say that i could simply tell you these things because i am not feeling the hardships you are having right now, i could understand you even though its not obvious....
i know you can solve your problem... just give yourself a time and see what will make you more happy...
2006-09-10 07:08:02 · answer #7 · answered by carendawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time to get to know people. You can like someone immediately, or else really fall for the person, however to start a relationship you need to know the person. It takes time to build trust and enough experiences with your significant other. My suggestion is to take things slowly, get to know the guy on a frienship level and move on from there. What's the hurry afterall! Enjoy life's little moments and gluck.
2006-09-10 07:08:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think at this early stage in your relationship, considering that he has just separated from him wife, it would be wise for you to take it a little slower. When a couple separates after being with one another for a prolong time, one of the biggest problems they face is loneliness for companionship, regardless of gender. There is a thing called love at first sight, and maybe it is but it is also in your best interest to take it slow. "No-body likes a broken heart".Good-luck!
2006-09-10 07:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by mermaiden_4_ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any new relationship has a honeymoon period - this is it. I'd hang around a little longer. You're both putting on a good front - you haven't had time to have tantrums, fallouts and see the downside of each other. I'd find out why they seperated too. Intense relationships tend to burn out very quickly.
2006-09-10 07:03:28 · answer #10 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BACK-UP!!! Why are him and his wife seperated? How long have you known him? He thinks he loves you? Nothing against you, I've been there before and learned the hard way - GET OUT!
2006-09-10 06:58:16 · answer #11 · answered by dolphinroc 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋