A penguin takes his little penguin car into the garage to be fixed, the mechanic says "i'll check it over but it may take a while". The penguin leaves the car and heads off into town to do some window shopping, whilst doing this he spots an icecream van and decides to have a snack but he only has flippers and struggles to keep the icecream on the cone. After his snack he heads back to the mechanic who says " it looks like you've blown a seal " and the penguin says "no its just a little icecream".
2006-09-09 21:42:57 · 26 answers · asked by emergency_hammer 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
hahaha, here's one.
What is black and white and red all over???
A sunburnt penguin!
2006-09-09 21:46:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like these: read it and tell me if you do too.
go on! just bacause it's long doesn't mean its boring.
these jokes can make you laugh really
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher
As a man was leaving Minnesota for Colorado, he decides to make a stop at a rest area on the side of the road. He goes in the washroom and sees that the first stall is taken so he goes into the second stall. Just as he sits down he hears a voice from the next stall...
"Hi there, how is it going?"
While not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road the man didn't know what to say. He pauses a minute and finally says:
"Not bad..."
Then the voice says:
"So, what are you doing?"
He starts to find this a bit weird, but responds anyway:
"Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."
Then the man hears the person in the first stall say all flustered:
"Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."
A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, butt-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall, two blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500."
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2007 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000!"
"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and... well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?"
"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We dont have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man says, "Is this 567-5309?"
2006-09-09 21:46:39 · answer #2 · answered by ~♥Andrea♥~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about this penguin joke.
A police officer saw a truck being driven erratically.On closer inspection,he noticed that there were 140 penguins on the back seat of the truck and pulled the driver over for unlawful possession of animals.But when the driver explained that he was taking the penguins to the zoo,the officer relented.
"Ok, I"ll let you off this time,so long as you are definitely taking them to the zoo."
The following day, the officer saw the same truck weaving along the road,and once again there were 140 penguins on the back seat.He stopped the truck and said to the driver:"I thought you told me yesterday you were taking the penguins to the zoo."
"I was,"said the driver."And today I"m taking them to a theme park."
Another penguin joke for you.
What's black,white,black,white,black,white,black,white,black,white,black?
A penguin rolling down the stairs.
2006-09-09 22:36:38 · answer #3 · answered by the gunners 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A distinguished young woman on a flight from
Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer
that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid
they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry
it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead
of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have
nothing to declare."
The official t hought this answer strange, so asked,
"And what do you have to declare from your waist to
the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be
used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said,
"Go ahead, Father." Next!
Practice can make perfect,
but it is passion that persuades..
2006-09-10 01:23:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The seven dwarves go to Rome to meet the Pope. After the whole ceremony thing, Grumpy says quietly to the Pope, "Are there any dwarf nuns in Antarctica?"
"Nope, sorry." says the Pope.
The other six dwarves start to giggle.
"Are you sure?" asks Grumpy.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm certain there are no dwarf nuns in Antarctica, or anywhere else in fact." says the Pope. "Why do you ask?"
At this, Grumpy goes red and the other six fall on the floor laughing... "Grumpy f***ed a penguin!! Grumpy f***ed a penguin!!"
2006-09-09 21:53:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is my favorite of the penguin jokes :)
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey Leads the pack.
“Dopey, my son,” says the Pope, “what can I do for you?”
Dopey asks, “Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?”
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, “No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.”
In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling…
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back
“Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?”
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,
“No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.”
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them, with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back and says, “Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world!?!?”
“I’m sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.”
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they cried…
“Dopey screwed a penguin!..Dopey screwed a penguin!!!! Dopey Screwed a Penguin!!!”……
2006-09-10 04:31:32 · answer #6 · answered by iamigloo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A penguin chewing razor blades
2006-09-10 03:02:24 · answer #7 · answered by Rock 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
may not be a penguin but animals in cars!!
a snail goes into a local garage and asks the respray guy if he can do a special job for him
"certainly"
replies the dude!
"how can i help"
"i want you to paint a giant letter S on the roof"says the snail
"ok"replies the dude
"then i want you to paint a giant letter S on the front bonnet(hood)"
says the snail
"ok"replies the dude
"then i want you to paint a giant letter S on all the doors"says the snail
"ok"replies the dude
"but why"
the snail simply replies
"so when i drive past everyone, they can point and say..................
look at that S-car-go!(escargot!)
2006-09-13 04:25:37 · answer #8 · answered by dan_sirus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I can, but not with a joke. Go poke a poor penguin dude :) http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/pokepenguin.php and bust up laughing... in horror or hilarity, not sure, but you'll see for yourself LOL
2006-09-09 21:48:45 · answer #9 · answered by High On Life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice joke I guess you can't beat a Penguin joke!!!
2006-09-09 21:53:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I in basic terms enjoyed the final shaggy dog tale. something are kindaaaaaaa... lame. possibly for little ones, it may be humorous yet for me...... Nah. i like penguins yet... those jokes at the instant are not my cup to tea.
2016-12-12 05:49:06 · answer #11 · answered by lacross 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋