Is extra-marital relationship wrong ?

Question

My lover has a wife with whom there is no wavelength-match. She has insulted and mentally-physically tortured him a lot. But he can't leave his wife as he has two children with her and doesn't want the children to lose their mother. He loves me a lot.

He loves his wife too as a human being but considers divorce to be a sin and hence wont leave her.

I have a proof that his wife is very violent.

Answer 1

If he loves you so much, he will leave his wife.

Answer 2

First, what is a "wavelength-match" between two committed adults in a marriage? The young man does have a choice. He has control over his life not the other way around. How does his leaving his wife, automatically make the children loose their mother? But most important of all, I believe the question to be asking yourself right now is WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR OWN MORALS AND ETHICS by way of having an extra-marital relationship which you know is clearly wrong by your own statement. Love is not what matters here . It is your self respect, and dignity. Also, be sure you are not the "woman waiting in the wings to pick up the pieces" before your lover can move on. Sometimes this is a pattern these men repeatedly set up for themselves before they move on down the line because they already have someone waiting in the wings. Good luck.

Answer 3

Depends on which morality you subscribe to. I think that people are made up of three parts, mental, emotional, and physical. A relationship needs to have all three parts engaged and in balance. If she is withdrawn from him in even one of those parts I would claim the relationship is no longer committed. I would consider this grounds for divorce. Even if he doesn't divorce, I would claim the relationship is no longer valid, even though children exist.

I would not blame a person for loving someone else if the spouse was loveless and/or no longer sexual. However, in this culture, it is best to get a divorce, or get agreement from the other spouse to love someone outside the marriage. Marriages are as much about money and prestige as they are about love and sex. So, she might oblige, unless she is a b*tch.

If you're worried about biblical morality, you might want to read through it some more. Multiple wives were common as were concubines (unmarried sexual relationships). Some scholars argue that concubines do not fall under the concept of fornication. In fact, some attribute the concept of fornication to a mistranslation or misinterpretation.

Below is some information about Liberated Christians. I'm not too familiar with them, but I think some of their arguments and scholarship makes sense.

Answer 4

He COULD leave his wife, but he doesn't WANT to. Does the wife know about you? No matter how bad his relationship is with his wife, he is still married to her. He might not be a good husband, and she might not be a good wife, but they are married WITH CHILDREN. Why would the children lose their mother? Your man has serious issues he needs to resolve.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news. He doesn't love you as much as his wife or he would leave her. You should go find a better man who has his life together.

Answer 5

Yes. If he doesn't have the balls to leave a woman he isn't happy with, then he is not going to do you much good. Regardless of why he is with you or whether he loves you or not, if you two are to have a future, how can you REALLY feel like you can trust him if he is steppin out on his wife. What is to say he won't step out on you if you two are committed to each other and you have some problems in the relationship later. Relationships, all of them, are hard and work to keep together. So what if he doesn't want to leave his kids!?! If they figure out what is going on (and believe me they will, kids are VERY bright!) he is only teaching them that this type of behaviour is what they should expect and ACCEPT in their own relationships. He is not doing his kids any favors by sticking around with their mom and sneaking out to be with you. Sorry.

Answer 6

If his wife is violent, he needs to PROTECT HIS CHILDREN and divorce her, taking the children with him. It is worse to have a violent parent than no parent.

Secondly, an extra-marital relationship is wrong. It would hurt his credibility in any court case between him and his wife, as well as lose you AND him respect in most social circles.

Answer 7

At one point, each person has to decide his life & Karma. If he cares so much about the sancitiy of marriage & kids welfare then he should stay put with his married spouse & stop all relations with you If he wants you, then he should financially provide for his kids, have visiting rights & make a gentelmanly exit from his marriage by a mutual consent divorce & marry you.
No one can or should ride two boats together, its a matter of time for collision..

Answer 8

Staying for the sake of the kids is just an excuse if he really loved you and the kids he would just divorce rather than be unhappy with his spouse which in the long run would only affect the children

Answer 9

If I had a dollar for every two-timing husband who has said exactly the same story... (I'm on the dating circuit and have to be on the watchout for this as it is very common)

1) he's lying to you - they probably get along just fine (if not, he should take responsibility for the direction his life is going in)
2)Yes - it IS wrong.

Answer 10

If everybody's happy, then what's the buzz. On the other hand, if he's found out, he could not only lose custody of his kids but all contact. I wouldn't feel guilty though, it's not like you forced him into this. Tell him the possibilities. Sooner or later the crap will hit the fan. Be careful and good luck.

Answer 11

an extra marital relationship is wrong it makes up no diff drom animals
but under these conditions he can file a divorce and keep the custody of his kids