Husband says I have an all or nothing personality and that it is not healthy. Is it?
2006-09-09 18:48:14 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Situation is this... He had an affair and moved out but says he still loves me but is not ready to move back in and be a family. We have a child. I told him move back or move on. IF he moves on though I want it to be as if he were dead. No calling no test no mail no seeing the child no nothing. Over done with. Or come home be a family again. I dont think it is helathy for our son to keep thinking that he has to make daddy happy and daddy will come home. better he thinks dad is just gone for good and life goes on.
2006-09-09 18:55:41 · update #1
I am no mental health expert, but I would say you dont have a personality disorder at all. Your husband left you for another woman and is controlling this situation by saying he still loves you but is not ready to be a family again. You are reacting quite normally to an unacceptable situation. I certainly can understand why you want it over and done with like he was dead...I went through the same thing and wished my ex was dead because having him in my life was too painful because I still loved him.
Unfortunately though, it is not the right thing to do for your child. Your child is the innocent in all of this. You do, however, have the right to tell your husband, if he loves you and wants to be a family again, then he has to do something about it. Telling someone they still love you are empty words if they are not backed up by actions.
You have every right to give this man an ultimatum, but for God's sake dont allow how you are feeling to affect any possible relationship your child may want with his father. If you want to move on like this man is dead, it will come back and hit you in the face one day. Your child does have a father and will one day want to know all about him, maybe meet him. You cant tell him his father is dead because his father may track the child down, and you will be the one who loses your child's respect...maybe even lose the child to your husband.
Think carefully about the ramifications in later life if you were to follow this plan. You are hurt....you have every right to be hurt. You want answers, and you want them now...You are sick of mucking around believing in his words and you want him to start proving his love for you....Its all very natural feelings. But please consider your child in this as well. He should not be made pay by the situation between you and your husband, its not the child's fault.
2006-09-09 20:34:34 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no such thing as an ''all or nothing personality disorder". There are several personality disorders that you can read about on-line.
The personality 'trait' or 'style' of behaving in an all or nothing style is a learned style. Sometimes it is called 'black and white' thinking. This makes it hard to discuss anything with a person because there is no grey between the poles of black and white. No allowances made for individual circumstances. The all or nothing is often seen as childish in behavior. Pouting sometimes accompanies the "If i dont' get my own way then i won't play". It isnt' a pleasant trait in a spouse.
You might want to seek out some individual counseling to work on your self growth. Your husband sounds frustrated and he would benefit from some counseling as well for his own issues and how to work with your tendency.
Good luck
2006-09-10 01:53:11 · answer #2 · answered by Tempest88 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your personality disorder is called selfishness.
Your only concern is for yourself. You son, as well as your husband, can go to hell for all you care, as long as you can be comfortable in your own world. If that is the way you have always behaved, I can understand his actions.
Your husband cannot be eliminated from your son's life. It won't happen. If you try to push it, the court may give your husband custody of your son. Then, of course, you could move on. But I don't think that is what you want.
Yes - my way or the highway - is a personality disorder, and does not make for a happy or healthy life for you or anyone around you. You should seek counseling. It may help you see how to have a happy and productive life.
2006-09-10 03:43:31 · answer #3 · answered by rehabob 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have to say I agree with Tempest88 but I do suggest trying some marriage counseling. if that doesn't work I feel sorry for all of you especially your son.
2006-09-10 02:26:46 · answer #4 · answered by tazachusetts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about the personality disorder, but I do know from personal experience that not letting your son see his dad will be devastating to him.
2006-09-10 02:23:17 · answer #5 · answered by SuzieQ92 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't have a personality anything
however,you both have a communication disorder
2006-09-10 01:53:07 · answer #6 · answered by Peach 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it depends... do you have the symptons?? do you think you have one? i'm studying psychology right now, so if you told me.. i could tell you if you have a personality disorder...
<3 alyssa
2006-09-10 01:50:28 · answer #7 · answered by hurleydudette 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not healthy, leaves no room for compromise and seems selfish.
good luck sorting it out........
2006-09-10 01:50:53 · answer #8 · answered by J R 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋