What to do about my relationship? Stay or try?

Question

Together 31/2 yrs/No sign of marriage/2yr son together/everytime we visit his family he turns into a big jerk. I'm from tulsa he's from austin. if I can't share his personal life then why try? Especially w/ no talk of marriage. Last wkend went to visit and he got drunk and yelled at me in front of his homeboy. Maybe not a big deal but it happens every time we go there. Still not talking. Otherwise he is a good man. Also, I am against porn because of things in my childhood. He knows Im against it, but not why. I found porn on his user. I haven't said anything yet. I know porn is generally not a big deal but it is to me but what should I do.

Answer 1

First of all, if you've talked to him about marriage and he's shows no interest then its okay. You don't have to get married to be happy. However, if he's disrespecting you in front of his family (drunk or not) then he's not worth the time. I know you have a son together, but is it really healthy for your child to see the problems between you two. And if your not happy your child will sense that. About the porn, I don't think you need to worry. But if he knows the situation behind then once again he is disrespecting you. I think you know the answer to the question already.

Answer 2

Okay, let's review, hon -- this "good man":

1) turns into a "big jerk" every time you visit his family,
2) gets drunk and humiliates you in public, not once, but "every time" you visit his homeboy,
3) has porn even though he knows you object to it.

You feel you can't share his personal life. He isn't treating you with respect. Please believe me, his reluctance to get married, or even talk about it, is a blessing for you - do you really need 30 more years of this? If it isn't chaning for the better (not "maybe it will change," or "I hope it will change," but "he actually listens to my point of view and the relationship is improving"), then that is what you would be signing on for.

My mother used to say, "Other people are not home improvement projects. If you want to build something, make a birdhouse."

You have to ask yourself if this, what you have now, is what you want - because if he isn't interested in changing it, this is what you will continue to have. If you love it, and this is how you want your son to learn to treat women, then fine - but if you don't, it's time to consult an attorney about child support and think about building a life for yourself and your son that you like.

If things were to stay the same for 30 years, would you look back and say "I'm so happy," or "I regret not trying to find something else?" Good luck, hon.

Answer 3

I think you know what to do here.

Let's face it.. this here IS the Honeymoon period. Marriage won't make it easier.. it'll just mean more paperwork when you split up.

If 3 years and a kid hasn't made him decide you are "wife material" and he disrespects you in front of the people whose opinions matter to him.... I think he's sending you a very loud and clear message.

Now you have to look inside yourself and ask "Is 'not bad' really good enough?" "not Bad" and "Decent" don't equal a GOOD or QUALITY relationship.

Is that enough for you and your son?

Answer 4

Good men don't get drunk and yell at the mother of their children, or have "homeboys". If you've been together for so long he hasn't talked about marriage yet, it might not be in his plans. Ask him what he wants to do. Try communicating. Say "I don't feel it's working out". DO NOT stay together for you son. It's only going to make it worse. Please just talk to him, and "feel him out", see what he's really feeling. Read him. If you feel it's not right, just separate. It's better for you and your son. I hope it all goes well.

Godspeed.

Answer 5

Talk to your mate and make him aware of how you feel and the way you see things when you all are around his family and friends, try to come to a mutal agreement on how to treat each other around friends and family and hope everything works out. If things remain the same put your foot down and refuse to go around those people with him. Good luck

Answer 6

you should try and go together with him to counseling. he obviously has some self esteem issues. you need to try and fix things before **** hits the fan .yall have a child that needs to grow up in a healthy home. as for the porn you need to figure out a way to become the porn so he doesn`t look at it
this is just my opinion

Answer 7

I would try to talk to him about his attitude when you visit his relatives and find out why he behaves this way. As for the issue of the porn, am not a big fan myself, but he isnt shoving it in your face. Maybe you should try to turn a blind eye to that as long as he keeps it to himself. If you cant do that, then that is also something you should talk to him about.

Answer 8

move on ,you do deserve better than what you are recieving.
Its hard to do,if he was like this when you first met him then he is to set in his ways to change.The well being of your child comes first,you should have a solid stable foundation so your child will not repeat the same manner as the father.
Break your paradine,if you want better and you know what is wrong make the right choices for your child ,also for youself.

Answer 9

every relationship has something secret -sweet and good.but there are so much difficulties in reality.if you want to save your passionate love for your man ,make end of your so called relationship.its the best way to resist the increasing bitterness against him.but after all you must have a clear view about your wants.

Answer 10

Read your own question as if you are answering it for someone else. There is absolutely nothing positive there except the child. If he is willing to make an effort that's completely different but from the way you are putting it, he doesnt seem to really care about you so i would end it.