why am i jealous?

Question

i am in a long distance relationship, and my girl back home has lotts of guy friends. now, i dont have any reason not to trust her... as far as i know, she has never cheated on me, and i beleive that. but alot of her guy friends try to hook up with her (she tells me these stories herself) and all kinds of other guys hit on he all the time. she assures me that im the only one for her, but i still cant help but fell jealous, and im afraid that if i keep bringing it up with her im eventually gonna piss her off and lose her, and it will because im paranoid. PLEASE HELP ME, IM GOING CRAZY!!!

wow, thanks for all the help, its gonna be hard to pic a "best answer" for this one. thats just wut i needed tho, thanks for talking some sense into me!

Answer 1

I can see a few possible things you need to think about here:

1) how have you been in prior relationships? Be honest with yourself - are you usually possessive? Insecure? Jealous?

2) Long distance relationships are hard - a cliche because it's true. You aren't spending time with her and other people are. Even if she isn't doing anything wrong - which is possible - can you handle that? Unless you expect her to move into a nunnery while you're apart, it's going to be true that other people will be with her while you're not - that's just part of a LDR.

3) Why is she telling you that other guys (including her friends) are trying to hook up with her, while you're miles away? There are several possible reasons, from her feeling a need for full disclosure so you won't find out later and think she was hiding something, to her wanting you to express jealousy to show that you're still interested even though you're far away.

In order for LDRs to work, both parties have to have maturity and trust to spare. Normal relationships can be complicated and require effort - LDRs are more complicated and take more effort. It's doable, but you should be honest with yourself, and her, about whether or not you can do that. There's no shame in either answer, "yes," or "no," so long as the answer is honest. Good luck!

Answer 2

lol, it's natural to be jealous, it's the human nature. My b/f is jealous too. We live 45 min. away from one another and he always ask me if I've been hit on again recently, and wants to know what I tell them, I tell them that I have a b/f. I am taken. He still is jealous. I love him and he knows that he is all that I need but he worries. I have a few male friends, my bestfriend is a guy and I know he's really jealous about that but I've known him for years. At first my b/f would tell me that he doesn't like me being around him but he has come to deal with it. I can't break our good friendship off for him. He accepts that though and tries not to have it concern him. What gets him through this is knowing that I love him dearly and that I would never cheat on him. So that is what keeps our relationship strong. He knows I get hit on all the time but he tries not to let it bother him. Stop asking your g/f that all the time, it will make you appear insecure, and no one wants an insecure significant other. We all like confidence in our b/f or g/f's. Just accept that she will be hit on by guys and know that she loves you, know that at the end of the day you are the one she chose as her b/f and no one else, you have her and she has you!

Answer 3

Well in a way you do have a right to be jealous. But just because you are, doesn't mean you have to bring it up every single time the feeling hits you. It's a long distance relationship so trust is extremely important. In your defense, she doesn't need to be telling you all these times guys are trying to hit on her because it's not helping your relationship.

Answer 4

You wouldn't be jealous if you didn't have any feelings. Tell your girlfriend that the attempted hook ups on the others guys' part upsets you because you care so much. If you truely trust her then it'll be ok in the end. If you stay paranoid then it'll eventually eat away at your relationship because you'll always wonder if she's lying and what not.

Be honest with her about how you feel, but always be honest with yourself.

Answer 5

So why do you think she's telling you about ALL these guys hitting on her? Is it because she loves you and wants you to feel secure that nothing is going on, and that you're the only one for her? If a girl or guy is in a committed relationship, it is very clear to anyone of the opposite sex that she/he has no interest in them whatsoever! and consequently no one would bother hitting on her. On the other hand, if she doesn't feel that committed and is kind of bored, she might be inviting people to hit on her and perhaps she finds it entertaining to make you jealous, because why else would she be telling you about ALL these guys hitting on her. You know what they say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder --- for someone else".

Answer 6

this is just the price of having a long distance relationship. i have couple of friends having this kind of relationship. Yes is romantic at first year but then situation happen, the guy meet some one far more better the they broke up. long distance relationship won't last. you have to make a decision . having her in your life or not. this will prevent you from getting crazy.

Answer 7

Wow, if they were gay it'd be better. I feel ya, but jealousy stems from insecurity and fear. I'm sorry to tell you that. You can stick with it and in time you get used to it, if she is not cheating, and you can actually grow as a person and personally it will help you in the future whether this relationship or another. Perserverence or get the hell out for your own sanity, but you'll have another relationship. Is she the one worth going crazy for?

Answer 8

i can tell you as a gal in your girlfriends position(my boyfriend is like 6 hours away), you have nothing to worry about.
the reason she tells you about these guys hitting on her is because THEY are pissing her off and annoying her.
if she is anything like me, she just wants friends and has trouble getting along with girls so she trys friendships with guys, and they are trying to get with her when she doesn't want THAT kind of relationship with anyone but her BF (you).
i tell my BF these stories as well and i know how she feels, it is just so hard, you feel like you have no friends and the only person you have that you trust enough to talk about the problems with the guys is your bf.

Answer 9

As long as she has assured you that she is not cheating then let it go..The more you pressure her about it the more chance she is likely to do it..You can be jealous but if you love her and trust her then don't talk about it and just enjoy talking to her .
Stop being paranoid!!!

Answer 10

If the genders here were reversed... if you were a girl and your long distance boyfriend had all kinds of female friends, I would say you have every right to feel concerned. It's pretty much impossible for a man to not feel attraction to a woman he's friends with.

But women are different. So don't "put yourself in her shoes" because they're compltely different shoes. (Both metaphorically and literally ;-) )