He is much older than I am and for some reason he thinks im cheating on him. I am eather at work or I sit at my computer. I am withdrawn from my kids i have put on 70 lbs. How do I get out of this mess with little or no finances.
2006-09-09 17:55:12 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just get out...The longer you sit and think of reasons why you should stay, the longer you will be there. What do you mean he won't commit? Do you mean he won't commit as in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or are you meaning marriage.
I am under the impression that you guys might live together meaning that you are in a relationship, but you want more.
He is accusing you as his way of saying that's why he won't go to the next step, but that's an excuse that he is using that will get him out of committing to you everytime you bring up the issue.
There is never going to be a right time for you to move on and once you realize that, you will just move on!
So do what you have to do to make yourself happy because right now, you obviously aren't.
2006-09-09 17:59:01 · answer #1 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is insecure about the relationship or perhaps himself. Just because he doesn't want marriage or bill sharing doesn't mean he is not committed to you. Some people just seem anattentive or unattatched. 70lbs is quite a bit of weight to have put on. I am concerned about your health because this weight gain may mean you are not happy. If you aren't happy you need to make the changes and get on with your life. Stop being withdrawn from your kids. They may be the ones left to care for you in old age. There is always a way out regardless of your financial situation.
2006-09-10 01:02:36 · answer #2 · answered by charity2882 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you staying in a relationship where you are obviously so unhappy??? You are depressed and putting on weight. This is not a healthy situation for you or your children. If the children are his are they are under 18, he has to pay child support for them. Most men who are cheating will turn it around on their spouse or significant other, in order to make themselves feel better. He is not man enough to admit he is cheating, so he is blaming you; which is much easier. He knows that you will not stand up for yourself and if you do not this will be your life. What do you think that this is doing to your children. Even young babies can tell when there is uncomfortable tension, and will react to it. You may actually be considered to be in a common law marriage, depending on where you live, so you may be entitled to more than just the child support. You need to get legal advice, there must be legal aid assistance available. I am sure that you have friends or family who would be willing to help you out, until you can get housing assistance and other types of aid. You do what you have to do to get yourself and your children out of this situation. This is living in an emotionally abusive situation, and even though there are no visible scars, the internal scars are worse. This abuse is what is causing your weight gain, you are trying to fill the void and emptiness left from the unhappy and abusive relationship. Talk to someone, human services, a counselor (check with your local churches) your friends and family. Finances can be worked out, your emotional well being and the happiness of your children cannot wait until you are financially secure, this could take years. Please, please get help and get out. If you cannot do it for yourself do it for your precious children, I'll pray for you.
2006-09-10 01:17:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have to get a new job or modify your saving plan to include saving a bit more. This man sounds like he is mentally a mess and he's trying to bring you down with him..intentionally or unintentionally it doesnt matter. But more importantly, when a man causes you to be withdrawn from your own kids, its definitely time to go!
The best thing to do is just dont think about it anymore and just leave. go back to your parents, friends, fam, save some money and move on your own. Just leave and dont think twice about it. Replace improving your relationship with your children instead of him.
2006-09-10 01:00:33 · answer #4 · answered by wearyblossom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
um, he is obviously not emotionally healthy for you, because the health of our minds shows on our bodies & in how we interact w/ others... so, you are making the right decision to leave him & do the right thing for you & your kids- you need to save $ even if it means getting a second job- and move into an apt w/ your children. you may live simply, but, happiness & having the relationship w/ your children that you know, as a good mother, you should have is going to really liberate you & help you get back to your "old self" i was in a very opressive situation a few yrs back, and also gained a lot of weight from depression, so i moved out of that situation & of course struggled for a little while to get on my feet, but, i lost all the weight & am so happy 'til this day that i made that move... also, DO NOT let him intimidate you, or convince you that you can't do it on your own because you can. just keep telling yourself that every day! best of luck to you!
2006-09-10 01:06:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Other than turning to family or friends, I'd say enroll in school and go to the human services department for aid while you get back on your feet. That is no longer a healthy relationship. I've been there done that, I walked away after 3 years. Now I'm happier than ever with the greatest husband ever, because I learned to find him without loving too much, doesn't make sense? here's a book that'll enlighten you
2006-09-10 01:02:44 · answer #6 · answered by MzzandtheChuchuBees 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can make the right change,spend time with your kids rather than being on this computer give yourself a time restriction and stick to it..
As for the weight it will come off doent worry start liking yourself, it will come off.
after dinner go for a walk with your kids and dont eat past 5 or six.
If the man does not care to commit dont force him but he should respect you enough if you really are not cheating on him(and have stated so)If you are yes it is time to move on .
Men are insecure just as much as we are but it is directed to us in a different way.If he is cheating on you then yes he is playing the blame game turning the table to mask his guilt.
If he isnt cheating and just insecure
Try and save your relationship (verbal communcication is a must)if it is worth it to your remember actions speak louder than words.You have the power to make anything work if you try,if he doesnt then you know its not all your fault.
Only then should start to make arrangements to move on
Good luck
2006-09-10 01:17:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is accusing you of cheating, then most likely He is probably the one cheating, hunny. You are not married, so at least there will be No Divorce finances. If you live together, and it's *his* house, then pack your stuff and your kid's stuff and go stay with a family member til you get on your feet and can afford your own place. If it's Your house, tell him to get his stuff and GET OUT! If you want marriage, and he does not want marriage, then that means you both want different things, and you will probably continue to want different things. Trust me, you do not have to *settle* for someone who is not willing to commit, when you are wanting a commitment. You deserve to have someone who will want the same things as you! Your kids deserve to have someone who they can call * My Dad* and not just *my mom's boyfriend*..Good luck, hunny. I know exactly what you are going through. Break-ups don't have to be that difficult, just do it.
2006-09-10 01:03:12 · answer #8 · answered by Daft One 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not commiting isn't a bad thing but the fact that he thinks you are cheating is something you can't live with. Why does he think that?
Even though you are not married you have been together long enough that it is construded as a common law marriage. Therefore, you are entitled to have of what you have together. See a lawyer.
2006-09-10 00:58:07 · answer #9 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a lot like my life with a few changes. Most of all it seems like you are depressed. Don't you have some family or friends willing to help you out. Hard to say since i don't know where you live. Just need to look a little harder i am sure there is a way.
2006-09-10 01:00:23 · answer #10 · answered by CoCo-Puffs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋